Grandchildren named after SIL side

ps trueblue DGS's other DGP were really quite annoyed that DGS was not called after him until it was pointed out that it is an Anglicised and shortened version of his name (phew!).

Some nationalities and cultures still do have a tradition of using family names, others tend not to.

I wouldn't worry about it trueblue, perhaps they just liked the names as well and some have come back into fashion whereas others have not (see my previous post).

Although I think that a Gertrude could be called 'Trudie' which is nice.

The old names which started to come back a while ago are still very popular Elrel - usually in the shortened version

Although I hear that Gertrude has dropped off the list completely. I don't even think there are any Gerts or Gerties these days.

Let me guess... Dd put her foot down and said one name had to be for her family. She chose your mother because she was closer to her growing up than dh's mother.

Or whatever. Fact is you and dh don't know. Sure dh is disappointed. But he shouldn't waste his time being hurt over something that probably wasn't intended to be hurtful.

Really, if this is your only problem with dd and sil, you're doing good.

I accept your point, grannypiper, (up to a point–I'm not sure I agree that parents can be blamed for the bad behaviour of their adult offspring; at some point people do have to take responsibility for their own behaviour and not blame it on someone else), but one can acknowledge the imperfections of one's offspring without saying such negative things about them on public forums.

At least Chardonnay has a pretty sound, there is little attractive about our Inner Circle #8 bus!! Now the Outer Circle #11 is iconic and has had a novel and a wine (!) named after it!!
Ducks and runs after wilfully missing point of thread!

Shuffles back to say DGGD, born this morning is Effie, which makes me a proud GGM!

PS I taught a lovely girl named Cheyenne Tequila - what IS in a name in the long run?!

Sugarpuff
In short it was the nasty comment and not who is called after whom which caused the problem.

Absolutely but this sounds to me like its a lot more about DD than the name. It's hurtful when ACs behave like this (my DS can be similar), but I think that for many people its all linked with transitioning to adulthood and becoming independent. As ACs are separating then some feel the need to cut the apron strings with some very sharp snips while others can deal with it more skilfully and calmly, and are less paranoid about being 'controlled' by a parent.

I think the best way to deal with it is backing off a bit, although hard for us parents of ACs as we naturally want to keep our ACs as close as possible, while they want to push us back, so that they do not have to be accountable. I can understand this feeling, as with an aged mother still alive who irritates the hell out of me when she wants to monitor what I am doing, I demand the same right to be unaccountable as my son!The tighter the bow the further the arrow flies.

I suspect your daughter feared that to acknowledge the name as coming from you would have been paying homage to your influence (and control) over her. The fact that she has used your name however rather than shunning it, is I think a hint that in reality this is what she did, albeit subconsciously (she just doesnt want you to realise it hence the spiteful lashing out!)

thatbags sometimes we have to be honest about our children, we cant always wear blinkers. Just because a child is our offspring it doenst make them perfect. I think most adults get away with awful behaviour because their Mummies could never admit their little darling was no angel

truB It could be far worse. Think of the ridiculous names
some poor children have been saddled with e.g. "the number
8 bus" and "chardonnay," yes really

The NZ government finally woke up and made it illegal to give a child a flippant or idiotic name.

I really wish my DCs were not they way they are. It has only been since they grew up and got their own lives that things have changed. As youngsters they had the odd tiff but never like this. I wonder what they found outside the family? Thatbags you are the second gran to have a snipe at me on this thread. Maybe the DCs found they had to be stronger outside the house and family. I just dont do anything about anyone who is snipey.
I worry why DC is like this I wish I could find the cause and sort it. I am concerned she is unhappy deep down.
I hope you are pleased with making me worry all the more. I dont need snipey comments.
Love etc

My brother was" blessed" with a surname from each side of the family as his middle name. His first name was as fathers and grand fathers. I think it showed a distinct lack of imagination. And was very clunky.

"always has to show a nasty side"

I'd hate myself if I thought like that about any of my kids.

Spot on, grannyben. The children, as people, individuals in their own right, are what matters, not their names or name traditions. Over-thinking is a kind way of putting it. I've been thinking more along the lines of "manufactured upset" and guessing those who are upset don't have any big worries so have to make the most of trivial ones. Yes, I know they don't feel trivial to those who are upset, but looking from a position of emotional detachment, or looking at the big picture, it looks trivial, relatively speaking.

My real life name is actually even longer than Sugarpufffairy. I have 17 letters in my name.
I have no idea why my dd always has to show a nasty side. She can be thoughtful.

I was just relieved that the DC chose normal names for the DGC!
However trueblue your DD probably felt that if her DH felt strongly about it then she would go along with it.Maybe being in Canada instead of living here impacted on it as well.

trueblue it hurts you so its real. Allow yourself today to feel hurt then tomorrow give yourself a shake and count your blessings and put yourself in his parents shoes, they are in Canada and must be hurting that they dont get the hugs, smiles and cuddles that you get.I am sure they would trade the name for time.Tomorrow is a new day. &

When I was expecting my first baby my DF wanted me to give the child a Scandinavian name, I resisted as I did not think Solveig went with our very common very British surname.
We had no input into GC's names but eldest has a first name that appears right through both DH's and my family tree.

sugarpuffery I get what you are saying . It is more about your DDs explanation of the names she has used. A friend of mine called her daughter my name which is very unusual then said she didn`t call her after me she just liked the name !! why say it ?

Sugarpufffairy certainly is a very long name to put on official forms!?
I was just so relieved that my DGS has a name that, I think, can only be spelt one way and is unlikely to cause him any embarrassment.

Oh just love and enjoy them whatever they are called it's nothing to do with us what our children call our grandkids Chill out a bit and stop being irrational you had your turn when you had your kids it's no longer anything to do with you

We are a family of 13 ...Myself and twin were the only 2 not to have a family name...All nieces and nephews have them as second name and next generation also...James was my dad's name...I have a brother,brother in law nephews and Great nephews with this name..Mam was Mary...Have a sister...neice,,grand neice same name,,,loads as a second name....My fil was Edward...His bil..My husband ...Second name for our son...It still goes on...Our granddaughters second name is after great nan..Nan..mums second name.....It is nice to see it all go on...

The first boys in my dad's line have always been called William (or as far back as we know). I chose it as a middle name for my DS, and my DD2 and DS chose to add it as a middle name for their elder boys. I didn't ask for this or expect it, it was their idea. No other branches of the families have any such tradition, so they aren't put out in any way. And I'm sure if the new parents hadn't liked the name they wouldn't have dreamt of using it! The DGS's first names are all theirs!

Sometimes I think many of use can over think things and, unfortunately, I think this could be one of those occasions. The parents of your son in law aren't here, they aren't going to get a look in. I bet his mum is sat in Canada wishing she was the one getting the cuddles and stuff the names. I'm sure he's just trying to make his parents feel they haven't been forgotten

ps It is still a tradition in some cultures; DGS's other DGF thought he should have been named after him, was rather put out until it was pointed out that it is the Anglicized version of his name.

If SiL is keeping to tradition, it will probably even up with the next two children. Perhaps if child 2 had been another boy, he would have received DH's name?

My second name was to be after one grandmother, but my first name was not to be a family one. I was the first grandchild on both sides. The other granny felt slighted and took the huff, so the first name was changed to hers before I was registered. I am quite happy with that name (I've had it a long time now), but I do feel that emotional blackmail was applied to get "equality" where it wasn't needed. She did that a lot - she had had an unhappy childhood and was always a needy and difficult woman.