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My visit to Australia

(45 Posts)
seasidelady Mon 24-Jul-17 06:45:01

Any Advice would be great, my Dear Daughter, has treated my Husband & Myself to a holiday to Australa, to see her & G. Sons. Wonderful, but I get so upset when the G,sons say nasty things to me when Mum is not around.
They are now 12 & 10 .I try my best to keep up with them playing games, cooking, with them. I think a lot is that they get jealous of the relationship between me & their Mum. But I do not want to upset my Daughter, by telling her.
The things they say like I look like a witch, or why do I stay, for so long.
But other times they are lovlely. I am worrying already, before I get there, instead of looking forward to this wonderful time.
Seasidelady

Baggs Mon 24-Jul-17 07:13:45

They'd get a lecture on manners and respect towards others if they were my grandsons, and their parents would support me all the way.

Tick 'em off, seasidelady! You don't have to put up with it just because you're their grandma and want them to love you. Respect should come first anyway.

Baggs Mon 24-Jul-17 07:38:53

Alternatively, you could make the witch comment into a joke by laughing about it and telling them you look like a witch because you are one so they'd better watch their tongues or you'll give them piggy tails like piggy Dursley in the first Harry Potter book. 😜😉😂

Baggs Mon 24-Jul-17 07:41:28

They are looking for a boundary that you need to set. Set it and be clear about it!

Anya Mon 24-Jul-17 07:45:43

Don't try so hard to please them. If they call you names then tell them straight that's not on and unless you get an apology you'll take it further.

Christinefrance Mon 24-Jul-17 08:47:15

I agree with Anya and Baggs this behaviour is unacceptable and you should take steps to put an end to it.

radicalnan Mon 24-Jul-17 10:13:36

They are just being rude and need telling. I wouldn't involve their parents I would just say 'don't be rude' and in answer to why are you staying so long remind them that you have come a very long way!

I suspect your visit is disruptive of their normal lives and they feel a bit resentful.........as for your looking like a witch....like the ones in Witches of Eastwick then, I'd take that as a compliment.

Don't let the buggers spoil things for you stand up to the, firm but nice.

Maccyt1955 Mon 24-Jul-17 10:21:34

I would tell them you are hurt by these comments, that it doesn't mean you don't love them, but you would rather they didn't say unkind things. 'Baggs' is right, they are looking for a boundary. If you don't say anything, your resentment will come between you and your grandsons and spoil your relationship. Good luck.

Maggiemaybe Mon 24-Jul-17 10:24:05

When did you last see them though, seasidelady? If it's a year or two, perhaps they've grown up a bit in the meantime?

Elizabeth1 Mon 24-Jul-17 10:26:47

Follow Baggs advice tell them their comments are hurtful and you'll not accept these nasty things said to you. Stop it before they become abusing adults continuing with these hurtful comments or worse. It's best you take control now. Good luck.

frue Mon 24-Jul-17 10:27:26

three part challenge
when you call me a witch/say I'm staying too long (describe what has happened
I feel really hurt (describe the effect on you)
I'd prefer you to call me............(suggest what you'd prefer/try to be funny!) I'd prefer you to think how you'd best like to spend time together while I'm here for another x days

Good Luck

jevive73 Mon 24-Jul-17 10:35:00

I think I would tell my daughter. I have no experience of long distance grandparenting but my cousin, who does, says she feels closer to her next door neighbour's child than her grandson. Do they see you as an interloper? Your daughter would be best placed, perhaps, to help them understand your feelings.

Disgruntled Mon 24-Jul-17 10:39:57

Yes, you could try "OUCH!" that hurt.
Good luck and bon voyage!

inishowen Mon 24-Jul-17 10:59:21

If they are rude again say you are going to tell their mother. I wouldn't try too hard to please them either. It's like they know you are desperate to be loved. They are old enough to know this behavior is wrong.

hulahoop Mon 24-Jul-17 11:07:18

If it happens this time tell them how much it hurts you they are old enough to understand it's wrong if it doesn't stop then I would probably mention it to your daughter maybe saying I wonder why they say this . Some times it's just pushing boundaries and a test to see how much you love them . Hope it doesn't happen this time and you have a brilliant time .

Bluebe11 Mon 24-Jul-17 11:07:50

Remind them that they have your blood in their veins and when they are as old as you they will look like witches too !!
Remember the Sound of Music scene when Julie Andrews sat on the frog at the dinner table ? Raise the issue in front of their parents and watch their faces. I think they will soon stop when they understand the hurt they cause.

Teddy123 Mon 24-Jul-17 11:10:01

I think baggs sums it up perfectly.
Kids seem to have a sixth sense for knowing which buttons to press. If they're rude, walk away after casting a spell (joke) 😉

Hope you have a lovely time with your daughter. Don't let the kids spoil it!!

JanaNana Mon 24-Jul-17 11:13:17

Children can be quite outspoken and often need telling. I remember as quite a young girl repeating something in front of my father that another friend had said to me which at the time (about 9/10) I thought very amusing. He was furious with me.....I still try and remember his advice. .....It is very rude to make personal remarks either to or about other people.....thinking them is one thing ...saying them quite another. I lost my pocket money that week as well just to make sure I remembered. I have had to dish this out to one of my grandsons who is the original John Blunt! Nip it in the bud ..someone has to.

Sheilasue Mon 24-Jul-17 11:53:37

You have to be firm with them and tell them you are not putting up with that kind of behaviour. That it's rude to talk to you like that, you are their GM and they need to respect you. Do they talk to their parents like that.

W11girl Mon 24-Jul-17 12:03:19

What kind kids are these! Why are they doing this? I would not stand for it and I would let my daughter know the next time they do it and tell her it is not the first time. Whether they like it or not!

starlily106 Mon 24-Jul-17 12:04:17

I agree with the people who have said you should tell them that they are being very rude to you. If it still happens after you have told them, then say something to their parents. At 10 and 12 they are old enough to understand that they are saying very hurtful things to you, and are not being respectful.

newnanny Mon 24-Jul-17 12:34:31

I agree they are being very rude and it is unacceptable. I would sit them down and talk to them about manners and respect and point how I was respectful of them and their feelings. Tell them you love their mom and them and it is not your fault you live so far away and so when you visit it is for a longer visit. Tell your DD about your chat and that you find their mean spirited comments hurtful. She will sort it.

sarahellenwhitney Mon 24-Jul-17 12:49:15

Seasidelady.
How old were your grandchildren when you lasted visited.?You might expect this 'childish' behaviour from a five or six year old which what this behaviour is but as they will be ten and twelve when you next visit what is to say they will treat you the same.?You should go on this visit but if they make these silly remarks again then you have no option but to tell their parents..
Enjoy your visit it might be a surprise to see how your grandchildren have grown up since you last saw them.

beckywitch Mon 24-Jul-17 13:19:31

I agree with Baggs and would make a joke of it. Then, if they are trying to upset you it hasn't worked.
The "That's because I am a witch" is a good one and possibly "Just be glad I haven't come to live with you" might work re the length of stay.

farview Mon 24-Jul-17 13:31:37

Do you chat inbetween visits..skype or phone? If you do what are they like then? You need to nicely/cleverly put them in their place...I go on Aug 7th to visit my grandaughters in Australia..its a heck of a way to go to be treated as you are!!....some kids though thrive on reaction...so dont let them see youre upset...distract them.....but do enjoy your holiday✨