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My visit to Australia

(46 Posts)
seasidelady Mon 24-Jul-17 06:45:01

Any Advice would be great, my Dear Daughter, has treated my Husband & Myself to a holiday to Australa, to see her & G. Sons. Wonderful, but I get so upset when the G,sons say nasty things to me when Mum is not around.
They are now 12 & 10 .I try my best to keep up with them playing games, cooking, with them. I think a lot is that they get jealous of the relationship between me & their Mum. But I do not want to upset my Daughter, by telling her.
The things they say like I look like a witch, or why do I stay, for so long.
But other times they are lovlely. I am worrying already, before I get there, instead of looking forward to this wonderful time.

Reebs456 Mon 24-Jul-17 14:44:15

Poor OP. ?
I think They are seeing how far they can push you. Don't let them get away with it PLEASE! I would be horrified if my children spoke to their gran like that. If you don't want to tell your daughter then try to deal with it yourself.

If they call you a witch again say you'll put a spell on them! Maybe jokingly call your daughter at the time & say "Ha ha, your sons think I'm a witch. Which animal shall I turn them into?" Don't go all the way out there for them to torment you

trisher Mon 24-Jul-17 15:52:18

They are 12 and 10 not babies and old enough to understand they are being rude and hurtful. I would start a discussion about calling people names and how it feels. So tell them it isn't acceptable, ask them if their friends say hurtful things to them, how do they feel when someone does? Maybe they are just testing you and the reason they behave as they do may come out. If you don't think it's funny being called a witch then don't joke about it.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 24-Jul-17 15:54:23

Is it only you they spoke to like that last time you visited? I hope they have grown out of this bad behaviour before you see them this time, if not tell them calmly to behave themselves.

If that has no effect, try to mention it to your daughter.

As they only say these nasty things when their mum is out of earshot, they presumably know that she doesn't approve of that kind of remark.

As the others have been saying, someone needs to set a boundary for them.

mags1234 Mon 24-Jul-17 17:23:24

I'd start by totally ignoring the remarks! If there is no reaction whatsoever they ll prob stop it.
Skype is good idea.
If it's a while since u saw them then they may have changed now.
If it still goes on, just say " that upsets me. If u do it again I'll have to tell mum or dad" . Then have a quiet word with parents.
Kids do def say stuff tho, it's natural.

callgirl1 Mon 24-Jul-17 17:25:59

What does your husband think/say about it?

Chewbacca Mon 24-Jul-17 17:46:03

The fact that they only say these things when their other isn't around indicates that they knew they are doing wrong. In your position, if the same remarks were made, I'd breezily suggest that their mum should be invited to join the discussion, to see what her opinions are.

hallgreenmiss Mon 24-Jul-17 17:50:56

mags, I get the impression there is no Dad in the house. If so, these boys might be playing out a resentment. I would certainly challenge them over it and ask them to repeat what they've said in front of Mum.

HeyHo Mon 24-Jul-17 21:02:08

Well, what a problem - they are of the age when manners should be insisted on - and it's hard to accept when they are nasty to you...

My G Daughter calls me 'Magic Granny' and I have 2 witches flying from the conservatory ceiling and a broomstick in the corner - oh and there is a cauldron outside - but these are all jokey things, and you getting worried and upset is not a joke...

Tell the G kids that it's not acceptable to talk to you like that, and that they would not be happy if you talked to them in that manner - if they don't improve - give them some of their own medicine - see how they like it....

glammygranny Mon 24-Jul-17 21:06:00

I have grandchildren overseas and I get to see them at best twice per year. I don't feel like a granny to be honest. The elder one backchatted me when I reprimanded him last Christmas. I didn't stand for it and told him so in no uncertain terms. He ran to his mum and ratted me out. There was no issue. She asked him why I had shouted and cue one very guilty little boy. Your daughter would probably be horrified to know you have carried this dilemma for so long. You need to deal with it to prevent it eating away at you. Could you mention it to your daughter in advance perhaps in a jokey way "tell the boys i'm polishing my broomstick for our visit " when she asks what you mean explain what was said and you will be able to judge by her reaction what to do next. Its an awfully long way to be going with such an uneasy feeling which is why I feel you must sort it before you travel.

gagsy Mon 24-Jul-17 22:36:59

If my mum needed to tell my children off ever, when asked by her friend did she not worry they might not like her replied that though sad it wouldn't matter as she loved them

ElaineI Tue 25-Jul-17 00:25:22

It could be just a cultural difference. My DH sister and family are in Perth Australia and been there since she was 16 now 65 (went with some sort of assisted package). Her sons and partners/wives are much more blunt/say what they think/sometimes rude (to our thinking) and it takes a lot of getting used to. Their kids 6, 7 and 21 say things to their gran (DH sister) that would not be tolerated in the UK and she finds it hard even after living there all that time but it is how all the kids speak to elders so it might not be personally directed/being disrespectful to you Seasidelady but worth mentioning to your DD that you find it different/hurtful and maybe the boys could be mindful how they speak to you? At 10 and 12 they should be capable of understanding people being hurt by their words. Hope you do enjoy the trip x

Shizam Tue 25-Jul-17 01:12:20

Sounds like my eldest son when he was young. Always trying to get a reaction, always out of me, though. It's hurtful. But they don't mean it. Just stupid bravado boy talk. I would have a quiet word with your daughter and maybe she could have a word with them. Specially as you have flown such a long way and want to have a nice time with her, as well. Hope they behave better! They will regret it when they're older.

blue60 Tue 25-Jul-17 09:02:55

I would tell them straight, that you won't put up with rude behaviour. They need boundaries and unless you set them they will push more and more.

I would also mention it to your daughter that you're not happy with their behaviour.

After all, if visits are going to make you stressed then there's no point in going. xx

Witzend Tue 25-Jul-17 10:53:42

They are plenty old enough to understand about rudeness and unacceptable behaviour. If I were their mother I'd want to know, and would really tear them off a strip. I would tell them firmly that you find their comments very rude and childish - it might be good to add that they're behaving like silly little 4 year olds - and you don't want to tell tales, but if it continues you will tell their parents.

Devorgilla Tue 25-Jul-17 18:05:06

I think situations like this are best dealt with with humour unless they get out of hand. When any of my grandchildren have attempted to 'push the boundaries' I have suggested, with a certain edge to my voice, that they might like to rephrase what they have just said to me. Usually enough. As for the witch comment, tell them you will show them your hovel, complete with spell book, cauldron, black cat and raven, next time they come to you. Perhaps if you meet their friends and are introduced as their grandmother you should add that you are the one who is a witch. Embarrassment in front of others usually brings them to heel. Are you occupying one of their rooms? Is this why they want to know when you are going home? I think I would have a bit of fun with this and say that as they have made you so welcome you are planning on extending your visit.

HannahLoisLuke Wed 26-Jul-17 10:45:16

I wouldn't say you're hurt by their rude remarks, that puts you at a disadvantage and gives them a sense of power.
Just take control and tell them not to be so rude, then move on and say no more unless it happens again. Then speak to their parents.

Nannapat1 Thu 27-Jul-17 22:45:16

I agree with HannahLoisLuke- saying you are hurt is not a good idea, nor is being humorous- just looks like you're willing to tolerate their unacceptable behaviour. . Say firmly that you find their rudeness unacceptable. If it continues tell Mum.

Faye Fri 28-Jul-17 01:26:13

Good advice from previous posters, I would be angry and let them know you are very angry and tell them they don't get to speak to you like that.

I wouldn't be joking about me being a witch, I think it gives them an opening for sly remarks. I would be thinking more of them as my very rude grandchildren.

Devorgilla Fri 28-Jul-17 16:49:21

I assume that as you first posted on 24th and it is now the 28th that you have dealt with the problem by one means or another or that they stopped making hurtful comments. I would be interested to know how you decided to deal with it and if it delivered the result you wanted.

Bambam Sat 12-Aug-17 12:01:49

This post made me very angry, they are bullying you. I would not put up with this rude behaviour for one minute. Nasty little shits. Tell them straight not to talk to you like that in a very firm and serious way. Walk away! If they continue to be so rude, wait till everyone together then say, "Do you know what these two are saying to me, behind your backs, and tell everyone". You're there to see your lovely daughter and may never get on with these two.