Why am I worrying about everthing!

Hi Glenfinnan - your new tendency to overthink and worry excessively is an unfortunate by-product of your changed identity which is gradually emerging in your retirement. Lots of people experience this additional time to think as a problem initially because it provides more opportunity for reflection. If it remains a difficulty for you, discuss the opportunity for some talking therapy with your GP and s/he will probably refer you for a six week session with a counsellor who can help you re-orient your life and ideas. This will be helpful anyway. Either way, whether you opt for professional help or not, you need to snap out of it (easier said than done) as a continual worrying streak can increase blood pressure and you will end up not enjoying your retirement.

I am the same, i agree when you are retired and have a lot moe time on your hands
I am sure your visitors only exocted a coffee,not lunch
I woke up at 3-30 this morning and immediatelt started worrying about all sorts,couldnt go back to sleep.
I have lost some weight due to having a stressful few months, stress always affects me like this, but now i am even more worried, to have blood test results come back and the Dr wants to see me, so now worrying my weight loss isnt caused by stress, but something else
Never used to be such a worrier

Very interesting thread for me. I am not a worrier but it has sometimes been suggested that this is indicative of a degree of callousness or indifference. Not true. I rather agree with part of MawBroon in that I deal with what I can do and puff to the rest. Doesn't at all mean I don't care. I guess I just recognise my human limitations (of which I regularly wish there were fewer!)

My late mum worried when she had nothing to worry about.Enjoy life ,it's too short to worry.

I am/was a born worrier. Never gave myself a minute's peace.
Then somewhere I heard of a book called The Worry Cure by Robert ?. Previously I would have scoffed at such books. Oh boy, was I glad I bought this book, it made such a difference to how I felt. Recommended it to a young friend who is very much a worried and she said it changed her life.
I don't know just what it was about this book, it said much of what pp have said. It didn't say much that I didn't already know. But upon reading it I was much more calm in myself. Still am and that was several years ago. Occasionally I have dipped into it - perhaps the content was reassurance that we cannot change life but we can change how we let it affect us. We cannot be emotionally responsible for everything and everyone.

It might be worth your while to get this book, it's on Amazon. It may help and it's just the cost of a book.
I fully understand your feelings, I was there myself.

I worry quite a lot and it is so pointless. Gets us nowhere!! One of my sons has a lot of debt. This worries me but he is very laissez faire about it. He doesn't want my advice or help so I've got to let it go. His values are very different to ours regarding money.

Thank you everyone, not that I would wish worries on anyone but it's comforting to know I'm not alone! Everyone I know thinks I'm confident and sensible so it's good to ask advice on GN! and get some real advice. I really do appreciate you all sharing thoughts and emotions with me. I feel better not being on my own with these horrible feelings.

I have a little note I printed out and it hangs in my kitchen ... It says
"That's the secret of entertaining. You make your guests feel welcome and at home. If you do that honestly, the rest takes care of itself"
Very true!!!!!

I am a worrier, its getting worse with age, also I think it is a "womans thing" we seem to worry more than men? I often think of an old song, which said "Why worry, why worry, worrying gets you nowhere at all" its quite true, but hard to keep to.
Good Luck fellow worriers out there!

I'm a worrier, always have been but I'm much worse since becoming a grandmother in January. DGD was a true miracle baby, but she's absolutely fine, fit as a flea and doesn't need worrying about in the slightest. My sister who's in the medical profession says I need anxiety therapy. I'm going to look for that book Coolgran thanks for the recommendation.

I think my worrying started when my DD was born (too busy worrying to enjoy her babyhood ) and I haven't looked back since!

My chiropractor has a notice up in her bathroom, which really put worrying into perspective for me. It says:

Worrying is like a rocking chair.
It gives you something to do,
but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Hope the sentiment helps you as it did me.

Glenfinnan - I am picking up on what you have said about beating yourself up.

I too have become more of a worrier since retirement.
I think it's been caused by having more time than when I was working to give in to it plus having been told in the past that there is something wrong with me so I try to be "perfect" instead of "good enough".

I had an upsetting experience a few years ago that someone who was a freind told me I had offended her and cut me off so I also worry about saying or doing the wrong thing with other people. The truth is that this "friend" is as nutty as a fruit cake. Those who suggest there is something wrong with you are projecting their issues on to you to make themselves feel better.

Only you Glenfinnan will know how bad your worrying is to require an "intervention". But before going down that track, you could try spending more time being with people you love and filling your time with things you enjoy.

Many of us worry about things don't we? Some of us overdo it and don't know when to stop.
I often wish I had a time machine and could go back and change some of the awful or thoughtless things I've said or done - but I haven't got one, sadly.
MIL wasn't a worrier - she used to say, "You die if you worry and you die if you don't" which is true, but I tend to worry anyway, then push it aside.

i'm with margrete here - i don't worry about anything. my ex husband was a worrier and if he didn't have anything to worry about then he'd worry!
i look on it as whatever's going to happen will happen whether i worry about it or not.
and i don't worry about what i say to people - i know them and they know me so we just get on with enjoying ourselves when we're with them.
birthday cards and presents - well i just buy what i think they'll like. they'll be polite and say thank you and that's it - if they then shove it to the back of a cupboard or donate it to a charity shop then that's their business.
it's a much happier way to look at life and i hope there are more like margrete and i around!

Im a worrier too, I'll look out for the book recommended above.

Meanwhile I find it helps to keep active - I do line dancing and play table tennis with the local U3A - you cannot worry when you are concentrating on your steps or trying to return the ball! I belong to other groups as well, and try to go for walks, - it all helps to keep your mind in check.

Happy Birthday for tomorrow Margrete - enjoy your day

A lot of this comes across as rather self-centered-
not so much worrying if someone is enjoying themselves, more- what will people think of me.

123kitty I don't read it as self-centred, more the worry of upsetting people and thus the opposite. It's worrying about the needs of others more than your own!

I can recommend a very good book which addresses the problem of persistent anxiety/worry.
'At Last a Life' by Paul David
Check it out on Amazon, you will see lots of positive feedback.

Pinned to my corkboard in the kitchen, right behind my kettle I have a little card which says "Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday and all's well".

I'm not one of life's worriers but as we get older Health does throw up a lot of concerns, but I'm also a realist in that I would rather face problems head on.

I'm sure your friends didn't expect more than coffee & a chat, I'm sure they enjoyed your company. I know it's easy to say but why worry about the things you can't change/influence. I've sometimes come home from outings/meals & wondered if I've "put my foot in it" but so far nobody's "taken the huff" with me

I have a term I use for constant worrying...'tinnitus of the mind'.
Good luck Glenfinnan. I think your post and the really helpful replies will be of use to many Gransnetters. Wouldn't it be good if we could all just get together, right now, for a cuppa and cake?xx

There are enough real and serious problems that crop up in life, for ourselves and our families that nobody should worry about the small stuff.
The main thing with guests is to be welcoming, open the door to them with a big smile and greeting, and when they leave, go and wave them off ( if not local to you ) and wish them a safe journey.These things matter. Make a reasonably nice lunch ( or coffee and cake/biscuits ) as the last thing anyone likes is a host who apparently doesn't care if there is a biscuit in the house or not.) The things that don't matter are having a house that is immaculate (appearing as if you can take or leave the guests isn't good though.)
Worrying about what you say to people is a sign of low self -esteem, try not to do it , as long as you are not too socially unaware that you regularly go around offending all and sundry.

I now think at my age having got this far without upsetting anyone too badly I must be okay at communication generally. I am trying to develop confidence in myself - telling myself that years of life experience shouldn't count for nothing and that to worry what people might think is really a waste of time & energy.
Your guests will have enjoyed their coffee with you and you went out of your way to make sure you saw them so I would just celebrate that and remember the happy time you all had which wouldn't have taken place but for your invite.

Thank you ALL again, I've learned some good coping strategies here! I'm very grateful to you all for taking the time to make these helpful suggestions!