Why am I worrying about everthing!

123kitty I don't read it as self-centred, more the worry of upsetting people and thus the opposite. It's worrying about the needs of others more than your own!

A lot of this comes across as rather self-centered-
not so much worrying if someone is enjoying themselves, more- what will people think of me.

Happy Birthday for tomorrow Margrete - enjoy your day

Im a worrier too, I'll look out for the book recommended above.

Meanwhile I find it helps to keep active - I do line dancing and play table tennis with the local U3A - you cannot worry when you are concentrating on your steps or trying to return the ball! I belong to other groups as well, and try to go for walks, - it all helps to keep your mind in check.

i'm with margrete here - i don't worry about anything. my ex husband was a worrier and if he didn't have anything to worry about then he'd worry!
i look on it as whatever's going to happen will happen whether i worry about it or not.
and i don't worry about what i say to people - i know them and they know me so we just get on with enjoying ourselves when we're with them.
birthday cards and presents - well i just buy what i think they'll like. they'll be polite and say thank you and that's it - if they then shove it to the back of a cupboard or donate it to a charity shop then that's their business.
it's a much happier way to look at life and i hope there are more like margrete and i around!

Many of us worry about things don't we? Some of us overdo it and don't know when to stop.
I often wish I had a time machine and could go back and change some of the awful or thoughtless things I've said or done - but I haven't got one, sadly.
MIL wasn't a worrier - she used to say, "You die if you worry and you die if you don't" which is true, but I tend to worry anyway, then push it aside.

Glenfinnan - I am picking up on what you have said about beating yourself up.

I too have become more of a worrier since retirement.
I think it's been caused by having more time than when I was working to give in to it plus having been told in the past that there is something wrong with me so I try to be "perfect" instead of "good enough".

I had an upsetting experience a few years ago that someone who was a freind told me I had offended her and cut me off so I also worry about saying or doing the wrong thing with other people. The truth is that this "friend" is as nutty as a fruit cake. Those who suggest there is something wrong with you are projecting their issues on to you to make themselves feel better.

Only you Glenfinnan will know how bad your worrying is to require an "intervention". But before going down that track, you could try spending more time being with people you love and filling your time with things you enjoy.

My chiropractor has a notice up in her bathroom, which really put worrying into perspective for me. It says:

Worrying is like a rocking chair.
It gives you something to do,
but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Hope the sentiment helps you as it did me.

I think my worrying started when my DD was born (too busy worrying to enjoy her babyhood ) and I haven't looked back since!

I'm a worrier, always have been but I'm much worse since becoming a grandmother in January. DGD was a true miracle baby, but she's absolutely fine, fit as a flea and doesn't need worrying about in the slightest. My sister who's in the medical profession says I need anxiety therapy. I'm going to look for that book Coolgran thanks for the recommendation.

I am a worrier, its getting worse with age, also I think it is a "womans thing" we seem to worry more than men? I often think of an old song, which said "Why worry, why worry, worrying gets you nowhere at all" its quite true, but hard to keep to.
Good Luck fellow worriers out there!

I have a little note I printed out and it hangs in my kitchen ... It says
"That's the secret of entertaining. You make your guests feel welcome and at home. If you do that honestly, the rest takes care of itself"
Very true!!!!!

Thank you everyone, not that I would wish worries on anyone but it's comforting to know I'm not alone! Everyone I know thinks I'm confident and sensible so it's good to ask advice on GN! and get some real advice. I really do appreciate you all sharing thoughts and emotions with me. I feel better not being on my own with these horrible feelings.

I worry quite a lot and it is so pointless. Gets us nowhere!! One of my sons has a lot of debt. This worries me but he is very laissez faire about it. He doesn't want my advice or help so I've got to let it go. His values are very different to ours regarding money.

I am/was a born worrier. Never gave myself a minute's peace.
Then somewhere I heard of a book called The Worry Cure by Robert ?. Previously I would have scoffed at such books. Oh boy, was I glad I bought this book, it made such a difference to how I felt. Recommended it to a young friend who is very much a worried and she said it changed her life.
I don't know just what it was about this book, it said much of what pp have said. It didn't say much that I didn't already know. But upon reading it I was much more calm in myself. Still am and that was several years ago. Occasionally I have dipped into it - perhaps the content was reassurance that we cannot change life but we can change how we let it affect us. We cannot be emotionally responsible for everything and everyone.

It might be worth your while to get this book, it's on Amazon. It may help and it's just the cost of a book.
I fully understand your feelings, I was there myself.

My late mum worried when she had nothing to worry about.Enjoy life ,it's too short to worry.

Very interesting thread for me. I am not a worrier but it has sometimes been suggested that this is indicative of a degree of callousness or indifference. Not true. I rather agree with part of MawBroon in that I deal with what I can do and puff to the rest. Doesn't at all mean I don't care. I guess I just recognise my human limitations (of which I regularly wish there were fewer!)

I am the same, i agree when you are retired and have a lot moe time on your hands
I am sure your visitors only exocted a coffee,not lunch
I woke up at 3-30 this morning and immediatelt started worrying about all sorts,couldnt go back to sleep.
I have lost some weight due to having a stressful few months, stress always affects me like this, but now i am even more worried, to have blood test results come back and the Dr wants to see me, so now worrying my weight loss isnt caused by stress, but something else
Never used to be such a worrier

Hi Glenfinnan - your new tendency to overthink and worry excessively is an unfortunate by-product of your changed identity which is gradually emerging in your retirement. Lots of people experience this additional time to think as a problem initially because it provides more opportunity for reflection. If it remains a difficulty for you, discuss the opportunity for some talking therapy with your GP and s/he will probably refer you for a six week session with a counsellor who can help you re-orient your life and ideas. This will be helpful anyway. Either way, whether you opt for professional help or not, you need to snap out of it (easier said than done) as a continual worrying streak can increase blood pressure and you will end up not enjoying your retirement.

Also recommend CBT course.

I was a great worrier, often about other people's problems as well as my own. The other day a friends who is always sharing her problems said to me "Don't worry about my problems I can cope." Since then I have and feel so much better. After all I can be supportive but not a lot I can do about her problems especially as her ethos is so different from mine.

In the example you gave the friends would not be expecting lunch and offering lunch would have complicated things as they may have felt you were offended by their refusal. If you are very worried you can always contact the person for reassurance.

When we retire we loose our role in life and that knocks our confidence which makes us worry about things we would never have before.

Have read the original post and responses with great interest. It seems that I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. I don't worry about anything. What people think of me - well, I dealt with that one before I was out of adolescence. There are few people on earth whose opinion I value. The rest do not matter. People will do what they want to do and I cannot change anything, more's the pity. I must be getting near the end of a long life - I'm 82 tomorrow - have seen a lot, experienced a lot, regret quite a lot, but by worrying I cannot change anything, so why worry. Waste of time and effort.

You're right. You need to stop it. Worrying can be a form of self indulgence. My late Mother never seemed happier than when she had something (usually trivial) that she could get really chewed up about. Do you have enough to do in your retirement? Boredom feeds negative thoughts. Keep active and outgoing, and the positive vibes will come...

I know what you mean. I am much more anxious now than when I was younger. I worry about everyone and everything. I am sure I worry much more about my grandchildren than I did my children. I even get anxious leaving the house, worried I have left the lights or taps on. However I try really hard not to go back to the house or to let anxiety to stop me doing things. I've put it down to aging!

As they mentioned coffee I am sure that is all they expected. I've always been a bit of a worrier and notice this has got worse with age, I guess its to do with not being in control of everything in the same way. As friends age along with me some become more sensitive and others more insensitive in what they say and do.

I would expect your visitors where on their way to collect lunch from the shops they where going to so please don't read too much into it.
When I first retired I was worried how to fill my day and slowly but surely I managed to take a step back and relax,enjoy my hubby's company but still take time for myself can you arrange to meet up with friends and make a date for that and you will have something to look forward to rather than something to worry about,Take care