has this happened to you?

Sounds very hurtful. I always say I like to be invited even if I say "No Thank you"

rabbitpie My answer would be when all were turning up for tea and cake 'Lovely to see you, help yourselves to cake sorry I wasn't with you for the lunch'
Don't let them see your hurt which you are quite rightly feeling .
Ask yourself .how much do you need folk that treat you like that by not even giving you the choice as to whether you would have accepted an invitation to join them for lunch.

You don't say what your level of disability is - why you are housebound and whether when you go to your various health appointments, you need help to get there - are you a wheelchair user, for example? I'm sure that if you can get out to go to medical appointments, you can also get out to participate in a family meal. You need to be proactive in this and tell your family - your daughter and all other members - that you would like to be included in the future as a trip out would brighten your day. At the same time, you need to bear in mind that if you need to be lifted in and out of a car that's a difficult ask. I stopped taking my 91 year old mum out to family meals two years ago when it became clear that it was painful for her to be lifted in and out of the car, to sit at a dining table for the same length of time as everybody else, and to manage the toilet - it's astounding how many restaurants have toilets that are up or down stairs and simply inaccessible for those with walking difficulties.

I think as you"re the person who has prepared the birthday tea and cake it's a bit insensitive for them to say it as they did. What happens on other special occasions? Are you invited to any of them. I wonder if they are just assuming as you have a lot of medical appointments that it would be difficult for you ( taking your medical conditions into account) to go with them. I would be upfront with them and say you would enjoy going with them on any future celebrations as it would lift your spirits to be a part of it all. If you say it pleasantly without them feeling embarrassed for not asking you recently then it would clarify things for anything else they plan.

Cancelled the tea. What a cheek

I agree with those who have said you should let them know that you would have liked the chance to decide for yourself. It was likely to be their trying to consider your without acknowledging that you can actually think for yourself!

I imagine your family didn't think you could easily go out to lunch as you say that you are "housebound". Perhaps you should make it clearer to them that you would love to go out but need some help.

They might have felt they had been thoughtful in considering your needs, and therefore deciding to visit you after the lunch. But obviously that wasn't what you wanted.

Let's hope you are fully included in the next family outing rabbitpie.

The answer to the question "has this happened to you" is No. But perhaps that's because my family know I am always up for anything to do with eating and food (and realise that if they didn't ask they would never hear the end of it). Perhaps you should stop baking for them and demand they take you places to eat instead.

It's bloody tough. I think what they are doing is fibbing. They can't admit they selfishly didn't want you there for selfish reasons so want to shift the responsibility on to you. Which is infuriating. Outrageous. But what to do about it? IN my dreams I'd have answered them 'you cheeky bastards' just so they know you know, will forgive them their selfishness but will not be patronised

My reaction to reading the original post was exactly the same as Monica. I think you should say that you would have loved to go, and get in the words "maybe I can join you next time." That will plant the seed for them to actually ask you next time.

Good idea Ginny

Tell the truth, say ' I would have loved to be asked' then they will know for next time. you could expand a little on that then and give them the lead about what you might b able to manage by way of outings.

They meant no harm but were clumsy with what they said, make sure you say what you mean and mean what you say.

Just make sure that they know that you would have loved to have been asked!. And as Elegran has said DONT FALL OUT OVER IT. You are clearly feeling a bit miffed and you have every right to. Enjoy the birthday cake that you have made and make sure you keep what's left over?.

DO you want to go? Or do you just want to be asked? Do you usually refuse outings?

Rabbitpie, I get this all the time, I couldn't do things at times due to health issues but then people stopped asking and just assumed I wasn't able to go. It still hurts even if it is not done through ill will so I understand how you feel. I echo the sentiments of "don't fall out with them" as it just makes future events worse. We have to "grin & bear it" to a degree but do say how much you would have enjoyed it but only with a smile so it doesn't become an issue and may just make them think about asking you next time.

It is upsetting not to be asked. I wonder if they felt that it was 'too much trouble' and they couldn't be bothered?
Be pleasant but if I were you I wouldn't go to too much trouble with a very sumptuous feast when they get to yours - will they have spoiled their appetites earlier?
Mention politely and cheerfully that you would have loved to have gone to the birthday party and accept the next invitation.

When they come to your house expecting tea and cake ask why they thought you didn't want to go? If you ask the questions you often find the answers.

Rabbitpie have you refused invitations they made to you in the past? There must have been a reason they thought you would not want to come.

If they made a unilateral decision that you wouldn't want to come, without good cause. I would be very upset and say something.

How thoughtless.

I would have told them that I had made them a lovely cake, but sorry, I ate it all before you arrived.
I hope it wasn't your birthday that they were celebrating!

We have friends who are a bit like that - friends you can 'lose' but family is a bit different.

Oh rabbitpie! How thoughtless of them and I am so very sorry.
I am in a similar position to yourself I can get about a bit but I have epilepsy. Grandad always keeps a watchful eye over me and we do get out together.
However, my daughter is equally thoughtless and whilst I try not to show it.. it does hurt.

(Doesn't stop her leaving the bulk of child minding to us though... but won't hijack the thread on this one.)

Again, I am so sorry it is unkind and thoughtless behaviour. Good advice here so I won't repeat it.. and sending you all good wishes.

rabbitpie have you since told them that you'd be happy to be asked in future?

While I do think the OPs family have been thoughtless in leaving her out of the celebration lunch, this post is interesting to me in that I often find it difficult including DP and fitting in with family events. DP relies on family to go out too, as it seems does rabbitpie, but never suggests where to go, despite being asked, and never complains about not being included for fear of 'being a burden' (not suggesting that you do that, rabbitpie). Consequently I'm often at a loss as to what to do or where to take DP - somewhere flat, non-tiring, not weather-dependent and now food can be a problem too. Without trying to be thoughtless, we often end up going nowhere. Without taking over the post, are there other places you like to go, rabbitpie, where your family can take you, as well as out to lunch? I also think you should say that you would have enjoyed lunch out with your lovely family. So many things are left unsaid when they could be easily resolved. Anyway, cut yourself and the birthday girl a big piece of each and enjoy their company.

As it was them that said ' we would have invited you but didn't think you would have wanted to come' it leaves a good opening for you to say , ohh by the way don't be afraid to ask me if I would like to join you , as most of the time I would be fine & if I don't feel like it I will tell you .

Why all the pussy footing. Can you not just say ". Oh it sounds lovely. I would have loved to have been there. Book me in next time"