has this happened to you?

Tell the truth, say ' I would have loved to be asked' then they will know for next time. you could expand a little on that then and give them the lead about what you might b able to manage by way of outings.

They meant no harm but were clumsy with what they said, make sure you say what you mean and mean what you say.

Good idea Ginny

My reaction to reading the original post was exactly the same as Monica. I think you should say that you would have loved to go, and get in the words "maybe I can join you next time." That will plant the seed for them to actually ask you next time.

It's bloody tough. I think what they are doing is fibbing. They can't admit they selfishly didn't want you there for selfish reasons so want to shift the responsibility on to you. Which is infuriating. Outrageous. But what to do about it? IN my dreams I'd have answered them 'you cheeky bastards' just so they know you know, will forgive them their selfishness but will not be patronised

The answer to the question "has this happened to you" is No. But perhaps that's because my family know I am always up for anything to do with eating and food (and realise that if they didn't ask they would never hear the end of it). Perhaps you should stop baking for them and demand they take you places to eat instead.

I imagine your family didn't think you could easily go out to lunch as you say that you are "housebound". Perhaps you should make it clearer to them that you would love to go out but need some help.

They might have felt they had been thoughtful in considering your needs, and therefore deciding to visit you after the lunch. But obviously that wasn't what you wanted.

Let's hope you are fully included in the next family outing rabbitpie.

I agree with those who have said you should let them know that you would have liked the chance to decide for yourself. It was likely to be their trying to consider your without acknowledging that you can actually think for yourself!

Cancelled the tea. What a cheek

I think as you"re the person who has prepared the birthday tea and cake it's a bit insensitive for them to say it as they did. What happens on other special occasions? Are you invited to any of them. I wonder if they are just assuming as you have a lot of medical appointments that it would be difficult for you ( taking your medical conditions into account) to go with them. I would be upfront with them and say you would enjoy going with them on any future celebrations as it would lift your spirits to be a part of it all. If you say it pleasantly without them feeling embarrassed for not asking you recently then it would clarify things for anything else they plan.

You don't say what your level of disability is - why you are housebound and whether when you go to your various health appointments, you need help to get there - are you a wheelchair user, for example? I'm sure that if you can get out to go to medical appointments, you can also get out to participate in a family meal. You need to be proactive in this and tell your family - your daughter and all other members - that you would like to be included in the future as a trip out would brighten your day. At the same time, you need to bear in mind that if you need to be lifted in and out of a car that's a difficult ask. I stopped taking my 91 year old mum out to family meals two years ago when it became clear that it was painful for her to be lifted in and out of the car, to sit at a dining table for the same length of time as everybody else, and to manage the toilet - it's astounding how many restaurants have toilets that are up or down stairs and simply inaccessible for those with walking difficulties.

rabbitpie My answer would be when all were turning up for tea and cake 'Lovely to see you, help yourselves to cake sorry I wasn't with you for the lunch'
Don't let them see your hurt which you are quite rightly feeling .
Ask yourself .how much do you need folk that treat you like that by not even giving you the choice as to whether you would have accepted an invitation to join them for lunch.

Sounds very hurtful. I always say I like to be invited even if I say "No Thank you"