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New Kitchen Phobia

(110 Posts)
Iluvcruz Fri 22-Sep-17 20:41:24

Probably not the correct term, but I seem to have a psychological problem when it comes to deciding on my new kitchen.

Basically, I've waited over 30 years for a new kitchen (bringing up chikdren, limited funds, reluctant husband all contributed to delay). I am a very patient person (although dh would say I have "banged on about it" for 30 years) and have made do with mismatched shabby (NOT as in shabby chic) units (did once change the worktop and purchase an early range cooker (25 years ago)) and had an American Fridge freezer (same time frame - now defunct).

During this time I have scoured interior mags and kitchen brochures planning my dream kitchen. In the 80s I longed for a mahogany Edwardian kitchen with Laura Ashley accessories; the 90s saw me drawn to beech wood whilst in the noughties I favoured all out contemporary white gloss - all with obligatory island and breakfast bar.

Now we have both taken early retirement we have agreed now is the time. I fell in love with a Neptune hand painted wooden semi-bespoke kitchen which was coming out at around £35k. Dh nearly had a coronary and encouraged me to be more realistic (even though I had ringfenced this money)! Our builder is also a friend and both he and dh are pushing me towards a Howdens kitchen. Problem is I don't like the quality or the door colours. We are now in position of having ripped everything out bar the cooker and sink and work begins in earnest in two weeks. However I can't find a design I like (apparently kitchen too small for my beloved island, we have a couple of doors leading off limiting options, dh and builder hate bin drawers so that's out. Dh doesn't want any structural work done (walls knocked down/chimney breast knocked into - "can of worms)hmm. So I am feeling pressured to accept a kitchen I don't like because of timescales. We got several doors from Howdens today and none of the colours look right. I'm not usually a doormat but do compromise quite a bit. It doesn't help that dh doesn't really place any value on aesthetics.

I keep getting anxiety attacks about it and feel on verge of tears all the time and extremely depressed. I seriously think I am having some sort of "episode" linked to the fact that I have actually spent half my life planning the damn thing.

Any words of wisdom or comfort?

paddyann Sat 23-Sep-17 20:25:11

Margaret x seems I'm odd...again.I like to keep the house up to date,there have been walls taken down and extensions built the kitchen moved from one room to another and the wall between them knocked down so its now 2 rooms from where it started , and we usually get a new kitchen when we do these refurbs.I got slated for the number of sofas I'd bought on here before .Guess no one else is that house minded .This house was built in 1990 ,that kitchen style has long gone ....lol

whitewave Sat 23-Sep-17 20:39:01

Our Howdens kitchen is nearly a year old. First new kitchen for about 30 years and been extremely happy with it. We old aged it - so eye level oven and microwave. Eye level fridge and deep drawers which are highly recommended.

It is a small kitchen so had the most simple streamlined cupboards to ensure no clutter look. It works beautifully.

Greyduster Sat 23-Sep-17 20:51:09

My DD has a Howdens kitchen - it is large as kitchens go. She is very pleased with the quality of the units, but there were some fitting problems that they weren't able to fully resolve. This was not down to Howdens but to the builder responsible for their extension who slipped up with the dimensions on one wall. (Howdens were very helpful in trying to resolve these difficulties). Despite that it is still a beautiful kitchen.

GrandmaMoira Sat 23-Sep-17 20:51:37

You have waited a long time so why does the kitchen have to be done in a couple of weeks now? If you haven't decided on a kitchen yet, it will not be delivered that soon anyway. Have you booked your builder for then?
I found that builders usually insist on using the supplier they like e.g. Howdens, and it's hard to get a builder anyway, it took me a couple of years to find a builder to do my kitchen and he insisted on Howdens, whose kitchens are fine (it was only the salesman who measured up I didn't like).
If you are determined to have a special kitchen and have a reliable builder just live with what you have now whilst you choose what you want.

durhamjen Sat 23-Sep-17 23:02:03

She needs the new kitchen now because they have ripped out the old one already.

Hildagard Sun 24-Sep-17 09:29:30

Howdens kitchens are great, have had two, obviously not at the same time!! Very flexible and hard wearing and you would have money for fabulous holidays with the change

beekeeper9 Sun 24-Sep-17 09:48:10

Go to IKEA or better still let IKEA come out to you - my son is ripping his kitchen out at the minute and they are due to visit him this week to talk plan through together. The thought of £35k on a kitchen would give me sleepless nights - its not necessary.

Jaycee5 Sun 24-Sep-17 09:55:23

Better to live with a bit of discomfort for a bit longer than have a kitchen they you will dislike every time you look at it.
It sounds as if the builder is having a bigger say than you are and that you are being ganged up on a bit so it is no wonder that you are getting anxious.
You have decided that you don't like the Howden choices so that decision has been made. Have a look online and find a few that you like and then try to look at them at a showroom. Spend a few days going to various places like Homebase, Wickes etc., narrow it down and then present them to the builder and your husband. It should only take a couple of weeks but give yourself as long as it does take. You may need to say firmly to the builder 'this is my kitchen and I won't be bullied into having something I don't want'. Then step away, calm yourself down, and move forward in a way you are happy with.

Blinko Sun 24-Sep-17 09:57:47

Heavens! Never knew there could be such a hoo ha about kitchens. We've had ours from new build in 1989, apart from having the cuboard doors replaced. I expect that by some standards, we are woefully out of date....shock

meandashy Sun 24-Sep-17 10:11:11

If your kitchen is a place you spend alot of time in & enjoy cooking please please take your time & don't be pushed into something that YOU don't like and will regret!!
I designed a kitchen for a community centre I was involved with, we used an independent firm. They were reasonable and the products were excellent quality. (Sadly I only cooked in it once but that's a different story ?)
Be strong and stand your ground ?

IngeJones Sun 24-Sep-17 10:15:10

Do NOT have an island (it causes you to have to walk many more miles a week to get around it) and only have a breakfast bar if anyone who lives there prefers to eat uncomfortably perched on a high stool with your heels hooked to the fiddly little foot support to stop you sliding off. It's a fad introduced by the industry to get people to redo their kitchens at great expense.

What you should do is think about which aspects of your current kitchen have been a constant irritation to you and change only those. If nothing has, then keep the same layout and just get some nice new units and tiles!

loopyloo Sun 24-Sep-17 10:24:54

I have never had a new kitchen and we have moved 6 times and being rather lazy I am glad I have not had to choose a kitchen! The house we are in now was renovated by previous owner and the kitchen is fine.
Well it's more like a gardener's hut now as it's full of stuff that needs to go to the shed.
But there is loads of advice here. Choose a basic one and go for a cruise as well.


and you could

ddraig123 Sun 24-Sep-17 10:28:49

"dh and builder hate bin drawers so that's out." Who cares what the damn builder thinks?! It's not his kitchen and his opinion is neither here nor there, he is just a tradesman employed by you to carry out the work that YOU decide, and if he can't or won't sack him and replace him with someone who will! You've waited 30 years for your kitchen, so you should have exactly what you want if you can afford it or you'll hate/resent it every time you go into it and quite possibly hate/resent your husband too. Explain this to him. If that doesn't work, you could tell him that you'll get the kitchen that you want or you'll only be cooking for and cleaning up after yourself in there if you don't!

whitewave Sun 24-Sep-17 10:32:12

My deep drawers are under the hob and sooooo practical and easy

IngeJones Sun 24-Sep-17 10:34:45

With regard to bin drawers, I hate them too, having tried one. The smell of bin completely permeated the cupboard, and the one next to it, and remained long after I stopped using it for the bin. I now always keep my kitchen bin standing along in the corner.

IngeJones Sun 24-Sep-17 10:35:22

"alone" in the corner, that was meant to say. I wish this forum allowed edits.

Welshwife Sun 24-Sep-17 10:38:30

We have had two IKEA kitchens and DH and a friend fitted both (different houses). The cupboards are deeper than many ranges as they go right back to the wall with no gap behind. In my current kitchen I have tall cupboards with five strong pull out drawers in them - one section 40coms I keep for spices and small jars and the other 80 cms wide I use for flours, sugars, pasta and rice etc. Each cupboard has two deep shelves above it. I also have a tall unit all shelves which stands beside the fridge - my layout is governed by doors etc. We have solid wood worktops. They now do some beauties in Quartz type stuff but I think they are made to order.
You can change the doors quite easily if the layout is good but you would like an update with colours etc.deep drawers are good I found for china and things like the toaster.
Good luck with it all.

Charleygirl Sun 24-Sep-17 10:45:22

35K is a huge amount to spend on a kitchen- you could refurbish the house for that and include a reasonable kitchen.

Has your house been rewired within the last 25 years because you do not want a fabulous kitchen to be disturbed if that task needs to be done in the near future.

My kitchen is new and I have white gloss doors which I love. I also have a bin sitting in the corner.

durhamjen Sun 24-Sep-17 10:53:29

I've had two IKEA kitchens, in two different houses, and my son is in the middle of fitting his own now.
They are really good quality, lots of choice.
We sound like an ad, WelshWife.

Brigidsdaughter Sun 24-Sep-17 11:03:51

Iluvcruz - I can relate to the stress this is causing you. Not in the same boat with builder and kitchen not ripped out but am working through the planning as, at last, we too are having a new kitc hen.

Neptune are fabulous. I love them though disappointed one fab larder cupboard only available in one style.

I've been to JL.not cheap but good stuff. Was shrprised some ALNO styles cheaper than their own.

I had designers out from JL of Hungerford- need follow up. Fabulous. Painted units and best selection of colours seen anywhere. Means you can paint them in future if you fancy a change. Apart from Harvey Jones, they're top of my likes.

I've a,so had County Kitchens out and they're excellent too. They sell Sigma 3 and if you Google Sigmayoull see where they are sold near you.

Lucky enough to have Schmidt near us and where we may end up. They have good range of colours and styles and can include special unit to fit in your space, also extra tall unitss and slightly higher base with lower kick board to give an extra drawer. Recommended to me.

We have a peninsula which I'm getting rid of. Going for one wall of units and hoping to be ruthless. We have two horrible dread space corners and wasted space.

This will cut cost. My budget not quite yours but know you can get fabulous kitc hen for £35k, including labour etc

I am getting less scared than I was as know the plan, now it's colour I'm blinded with. North facing.

A new kitchen is very important to many- my fav room.

Put a stop and let hubby know it all matters to you. Not a need 're cooking maybe but a special room and environment.

I'd love to know how you get on. X

Barleysugar Sun 24-Sep-17 11:06:22

We have just had our kitchen replaced after 20 years - nothing wrong with it at all, except I wanted a new one with pull out shelves, carousels, pull down shelves etc. Just generally easier to use . What a trauma it has been - never again! In the end we had to re plaster the walls & have a new floor. Plus , the integral fridge/ freezer & dishwasher are smaller than my previous ones.
I would not recommend Howdens - far too expensive. We went to Magnet in the end & had the same quality kitchen for half the price. The labour was far less expensive too .
I'm happy with it now, but it's taken 5 years of my life with the stress!

Coconut Sun 24-Sep-17 11:29:47

Pinterest have lovely kitchen ideas ...

marpau Sun 24-Sep-17 11:32:50

We have recently installed a Howdens kitchen however I got granite worktops from another supplier which added a wow factor. I too could not fit an island so instead of a row of units under the widow i had a peninsula which houses sink and washing machine with overhang for seating. This means I now have no corner units and can clean the window without balancing in the sink



kitchen

varian Sun 24-Sep-17 11:38:56

Have you thought about inviting an architect or properly qualified interior designer to look at the existing space and ways of enlarging it to get a layout that really will suit you?

Although the people who sell kitchens can usually operate CAD software to produce plans, elevations and perspective drawings, which are useful to help you visualise the layout, most of them are primarly salesmen, although they call themselves designers. They aim to sell you the most expensive fitted kitchen, whether or not it is right for you. They are usually paid commission so the more you spend, the more they're paid.

gmelon Sun 24-Sep-17 11:43:36

If you let your thirty year dream be taken away now then you'll harbour resentment for your husband forever. Who cares what the builder thinks. Hubby has no skill with aesethics yet you're listening to him?!! Of course you're under stress and can't decide.
It is because you are being forced into decisions by your husband and builder.
You have spent thirty years deciding and waiting and now it's not even your decision any more. You don't have kitchen phobia, you have a hidden resentment that you're not being listened to. Hubby doesn't like deep drawers... so what ! You like them , so you're having them.
If you want chimney breasts knocked down or any other work done then say so. Get another builder. Tell hubby to shut up. It is your dream so tell it how it is.