But MIL was not in delivery room so HOW

When my eldest daughter was born, she developed jaundice. When the GP came round, it had gone! I told him how I'd done it and he praised me for it.

Jaundice is a common condition in newborns and is due to an excess of bilirubin. The recommended treatment is natural sunlight or artificial phototherapy. I chose the former and had it sorted in one day!

When my eldest was born, it was the practise for the mother to spend the first 10 days in the maternity unit. The Sister would only let me hold our baby for 10 minutes at the end of visiting whether he was awake or not and regardless of whether he was awake earlier. I immediately complained to our GP who came up and laid down the law to her. As a result, when I walked onto the ward, she walked off!

I am truly shocked by the way some have jumped immediately to "total CO for MIL!" Norah why would you advocate that immediately? CO is huge in a family. Mistakes can be made, people can be offended and truly upset but talking, some understanding listening and an acceptance that no one is perfect can usually sort things out. CO is the very very very last resort not the go to solution!!!!

Well said, crafting.

It is the easiest thing in the world to upset or offend someone unintentionally.

How many of us have made an unwitting comment that someone has taken the wrong way and been upset. All we know is what the DIL has said on MN. What did the MIL really do and why. Perhaps the new mother and MIl don't get on which may be the real crux of the problem.

Yes it is the mother's child but it is the father's child too and he should have a say. Sorry, but I think children need all the love and support they can have in this life and to take to MN to print something like this which is something which should be discussed privately between the family is a mistake as far as I'm concerned.

And how many times do we hear that the paternal gran doesn't see as much of baby as maternal gran? Not a good start to this new phase of DIL-MIL relations.

I also wondered why someone who has just become a grandmother would risk her future relationship with child, child's spouse and grandchild.

Is this likely to be a problem when the child is five, or ten, or eighteen? I don't think so.

I think this is a real fuss over nothing. No one has been harmed, a healthy baby has been born. I really think the Mother should draw a line under it. This Mother may need the Grandmothers help one day and all this angst is no good to anyone.

katek -well said!
When princesspamma recommends saying”I hope you enjoyed your cuddle because it is the last you will ever have” I was shocked and that to me totally sums up the culture I referred to as “entitled”.
Think ahead a few months or years.
So when the baby/little boy has chickenpox or snuffles or any illness or nursery is closed for a training day or mum is poorly and dad away on business or vice versa I hope adequate childcare in the form of a resident Norland nanny is in place. When the parents want a night off for an anniversary/date night/to go to a wedding who is going to be baby sitting?
Half term once the little one is at school? I don’t suppose mum would dream of asking granny to help? Picking up after school? Perhaps the little ones can walk home on their own.
Some AC seem to benefit from and rely on grandparental input into childcare to an extent I certainly never experienced. There seems to be an expectation that the GPs will step up to the plate including saving their AC not inconsiderable nursery fees by doing a couple of days a week., and there have been countless threads about grannies feeling pressurised to do more than they might physically be comfortable with for fear of alienating DIL/DD and not getting to see their DGC at all
Young parents can’t have it all ways.
As Grans we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

Bit harsh KATEK,( sorry about capital letters, can't get bold print)

Oh dear what a lot of bother, quite often the nurses are the first to hold a baby. MIL maybe thought when DIL was still in theatre she could give comfort to her Grandchild, she should have asked first although permisssion would have been denied me thinks!

Um the Dad wanted support! That seems to be forgotten here. He is part of it. The Dad must have given permission for Mil to pick up the baby. I would hope anyway.

He wouldn't have been thinking straight as things hadn't gone as planned. I wonder if the new mom wouls have been so upset if it had been her own mom who picked him up first! I doubt it.

Dad is important in all this. I have 3 adult sons and 1 adult daughter. 2 grandchildren by 2 sons.

I was with our eldest when his first child was born in the hospital. My DiL mom was in with her cos our eldest would have passed out. I was with our son in the waiting room.

When there is an emergency nothing goes to plan.

I didn't get to see our Grandson until the next day. We meaning my husband and I were supposed to see him after her Mom and Dad.

However a change of events meant that her siblings went in that night. I wasn't happy however in the grand scheme of things it isn't over important and I didn't kick up over it. I had a mumble to my husband and that was that.

I understand the mom was upset understandably so as hormones are raging. Why the need to take it to media though. It should have been sorted between themselves.

A post after about the best laid plans of mice and men going awry would have been better. Its the first learning that things dont go necessarily to plan with children

Storm in a tea cup. I would want to hear what Dad and MiL had to say too on it

Well precisely princess, respect has to be from both sides and there's precious little being given to the MIL in this instance. Little thought as to her concerns, fears or worries. Yes, she made a mistake but she's being hung, drawn and quartered for it....how about a public execution? Would that satisfy the bloodlust? You could all bring your knitting and sit by the guillotine. Are you all so perfect that you never make a mistake? This generation shouts loud and long about rights, well with rights come wider responsibilities-not just to yourself. This generation shouts loud and long about children being bullied on social media but are happy to be part of a gang of online bullies attacking someone for making a mistake at a very emotional time in her life. Honest to god, it's like the mob of villagers coming over the hill armed with pitchforks and flaming torches ready to kill the monster. I'm sorry this young mother had a distressing delivery-welcome to the club-but if she's traumatised about her MIL (who is a qualified medical professional) learning details of a medical condition then she really does need to get out more. Traumatised?? Try visiting military veterans who have significant injuries, Mums losing children to cancer, couples living day to day with terminal illness, emergency service workers who see the most horrendous situations. You get my drift? I really wish I was going to be around to see the relationships between this generation and their grandchildren. Karma is a bitch.

You're all being hard on the birth mother. Her emotions are all over the place. I don't know what the MIL was thinking. She must have known how upset her DIL would be. Doesn't bode well for future contact.

??

Well said princess, wish more thought like you.

And i know my previous post will ruffle a lot of feathers here, but every day I am reading threads where grandparents go on and on about their rights and needs. You had your go with your own children, did things as you thought best; now you simply have to give your children the respect that you expected from your parents and in-laws. Yes they will make mistakes - but they will be their own mistakes, just as you made. With most things there are a number of ways to approach the problem/issue/whatever, and it seems to me that I am hearing far too much dogmatic "my way is right" from grandparents. Yes your way may very well right, but that doesn't necessarily mean that another way of doing things cannot be equally right. And even if their way is less efficient than yours, it is nonetheless THEIR way, and you have to respect that. Because if you dont, you risk losing contact with them and the grandchildren you love. Respect has to be from both sides, you know.

As many have mentioned, it is family, and the baby was recieving fuss from someone who loved it. However, I can't get past that this person A) didn't respect the mother's wishes, and B) misused her position to do so. If I were that mother I would be telling mil "i hoped you enjoyed your cuddle...it's the last you will ever have". You have your own children, and what you say regarding them, goes. When your children have their own children, what they say goes, and you have to respect that. You are only a grandparent, not a parent.

The problem the new generation of mothers have is they hardly have any time in the hospital and are usually home 24 hours after giving birth. Then the inlaws and parents expect to spend time at the new parent's house, some wanting to stay for weeks if they don't live close by.

When DD1 was born I stayed at the hospital for ten days, as was normal, plenty of time to establish breast feeding and bond with my baby. Visiting hours were very strict too, even for the father of the baby. They were welcome at the birth but they were not welcome to hang around all day or night.

No wonder many mothers say they just want to bond with their babies. It's a cry for some space, time to get to know their babies without entertaining visitors.

The mother in this particular case was the person giving
birth, not her husband. He was there to support his wife and his mother should have respected her wishes.

The mother was traumatised because her Mil was standing close by while she was being stitched up and heard the doctor discussing private and sensitive information about the mother to the mother Katek, I read the original thread before it was deleted.

Crikey; I can see both sides of this, really. As a mum I'm sure that the MIL, having spoken to her son who was distressed just wanted to go to him[ I'm sure I would have done the same]. She shouldn't have held the baby, and that's a definite. There are a lot of hormones floating around when a baby is born, and that includes the grandmother as well. Young mothers get a lot of info from organisations such as the NCT about bonding etc and seem to be obsessed with having a certain type of birth and then are distressed because most of the time babies decide not to follow the 'birthing plan'. I was terribly upset because my MIL walked into my room and said 'haven't come to see you; have come to see the baby', and then said straight away 'oh, that's a 'their family surname'. She was a sweet, jovial lady, and didn't mean to hurt me but, boy was I upset! I guess a mothers instinct is to not let anyone else hold her baby and that instinct is at it's strongest at the birth [when the mother is at her most vulnerable].

Yes Maryeliza54 , I guess that old adage still rings true :walk a mile in my shoes, before you criticise & abuse.

She couldn’t get her sacked - this is such a ridiculous idea. She could have made a formal complaint though and that wouldn’t have gone down well I expect. Hope the MIL ( real or imagined) is duly grateful for that

Perhaps poor old MIL just wanted to reassure herself and her son that the babe was well after the traumatic delivery. MILs-even if they are doctors-are allowed to be a bit anxious/worried/concerned about a new grandchild and react with their hearts not their heads. Perhaps it was comforting for the new arrival to be held as mum couldn't manage to do it at the time. Perhaps dad needed the reassurance from his mother that all was well with his child. If mother is still 'traumatised' after 6 weeks I can only hope it's because of the emergency delivery and not because her MIL held her grandchild. I wonder what her Edinburgh scale tests are showing?

But as I said earlier, never mind the actual facts, if this were a completely hypothetical example, we would be clearly very divided over this as we are often on the ‘my house my rules’ threads that crop up occasionally.

And thankfully from what we know, Dil doesn't want her sacked, now that would be a big problem for this couple.