Difficult daughter

Stand firm Goodgran. It is her choice if she comes at Christmas. Try and model good behaviour to her, as I am sure you do. Make sure you and DH stand firmly together. Don't ket her divide you. Make sure she knows decisions are joint ones between you and DH and carefully thought out. Things will improve. Try writing down the situation now and review it at 3 monthly intervals. Hopefully slow steady ptrogress will result. Wishing you all the best.xx

SORry I have read but I can't recall when did she start the tenancy.
I would inform her that if her attitude doesn't change and she does not stand on her own two feet you will not renew her tenancy by being a guarantor.

You can not pull out in this tenancy as you've signed. But you can inform the agency that you will not renew.

Unfortunately we won't be able to as my brother in law and his family are coming. Nice thought though farmgran

She's back tracking now saying she will come because she feels guilty. I've told her I would rather she didn't if shes coming out of guilt. I think she just wanted to hurt us saying she's was going elsewhere

I hope you go somewhere really lovely for a Christmas holiday Goodgran, you deserve it!

12 months Bibbity She couldn't rent without our support

I'm sorry OP. How long is left on her tennnancy?

Christmas Day - when on our own DH and I go for a lovely meal at a local gastro pub, turning it into something completely different from when the family are there. Makes it easier for us.

You've that should say

Thanks ladies. I am so grateful for ask the support and advice.
You have no idea how much tone helped

Gosh what a wonderful tolerant mum you are I could never have stood for that. She is an adult and a mum now time to cut the purse strings! It enough you babysit you grand children for free and that's all you should be doing. I know she has had it tough but hey ho she will survive. Day enough is enough if it convienent to have the kids more then do but only if it is. I know she will try and blackmail you with the kids but remember she need you more.

I've just had to make the break from mine as they where making me I'll. Don't let this happen to you both. Get control of the financial side and then tackle the babysitting. Good Luck.

Oh dear! But you knew this was going to happen didn't you? It still will hurt but don't let it, so now you know, if you don't "toe the line" she will be even more nasty and disrespectful to you. If she dosn't speak when dropping the kids off, don't bother speaking to her. She's definitely "a piece of work", a very mean and nasty woman. She is definitely going to use the Grandkids to hurt you. Be brave! As the saying goes, "with friends like her, who needs enemies" ?
So, you're both on your own Christmas Day! Make the most of it. Book a 3 day trip somewhere! London or somewhere warmer like Rome! I would...

Yes yes yes go & do something different & enjoy it whilst you can & before she decides to need you ( use you) again Things will change & change again, all we really all have is control over our own choices & decisions . I don't under estimate how hard it is to stand firm against our sometimes ungrateful offspring, but they sometimes need a wake up call . Good luck

Update...DD had just come to collect the kids as announced that she's not coming for Christmas lunch. She's going to her new boyfriends moms. That's a real kick in the teeth. But I just said ok...its up to you. Sad but not being blackmailed. I can't decide whether to do something completely different now cos it's going to be sad not to have the grandkids here like always. My DS and DL are going to her moms this year
Shes punishing us because we had a conversation about her spending and lifestyle a couple of weeks ago and she took exception to it. She's just asked us to hand her house key back that we've always had as my DH is guarantor on her house. We said no.
Just gets better and better

Margs she doesn't appear to have a conscience where we're concerned that's for sure. She has many friends so I don't know how she is with them but she's had the same friends for many years. Baffling really that she chooses to bite the hand that feeds her . The financial commitment is crippling us. So yes it's time to stop

This is a definite case where "Tough Love" has to be demonstrated - blank her out and stamp firmly on any requests for financial bail-outs.

Don't fall for any attempt to use the grandchildren as a bargaining chip - it may hurt not to see the for a while but if you allow her to use them for emotional blackmail purposes and she gets her foot back in the door then she'll do it again and again until she sucks your financially dry!

She may be your daughter but she's an unscrupulous leech and devoid of any conscience.

Bbnan that sounds just like the situation we're in and I know the conversation we need to have will make things even worse. But we've run out of both patience and money so needs to be done

farmgran I so hope your daughter sees sense and starts to respect what you did for her. It's so disheartening when the kids we do so much for to the detriment of ourselves turn their backs on us. My daughter has dropped her kids here this morning without even saying hello or goodbye. I feel completely used and abused
Like you, the bank of mom and dad is closed now . We have decided what we are prepared to help with so she has a huge shock coming to her. We will reduce our contributions over the next few months. I hope you manage to sort things out with your daughter

I helped my daughter financially too, she is 42 and hasn't been able to manage. She became very depressed after broken relationships and realising that she probably will never have children. I payed her rent for her several times to prevent her being chucked out of her place and I bought her a car. She has tax debts and I gave her money to pay that but I found out later that she didn't pay the debt and just frittered the money away. I'm afraid the bank of mum and dad has closed now as it was eating into our savings. She knows that she can live here with us whenever she wants but of course she wants to be independent. Strangely enough she appears to be managing well now without our help, we just don't see her any more! I'm not that worried as she's not far away and I'll go and see her.

In much the same situation and have called a stop.
Need to retire so funds are not there...tantrums,manipulation and being cut off...lasted for 3 weeks...sought counselling and budgetary advise ..we should have done it years ago.Best of luck and look after yourselves.
If one of you became ill tomorrow what would happen?

Bluegal. Same!! VIOLETTE is on my mind.

Thanks mumofmadboys Yes tough love is overdue . He's a tough nut to crack because he's kind and wants the best but he's had enough too

Wish you well goodgran. Things will improve but tough love is necessary. Make sure your DH and you are in agreement how to proceed.

Daisyboots its good to know we're not alone and all of these replies from you lovely ladies have given me the confidence to do what needs to be done. It won't be pretty but I'm prepared for the fall out. We will go to see her next week when the kids are back in school to have "the" chat . My husband has tried to advise her and wanted to see her bank statement but she refused. She's so very difficult it's shocking as our son is the entire opposite. And I feel we need to balance the books were he and his wife are concerned. Just not fair

Goodgran you and your DH have been helpful loving parents but your DD is taking advantage of you. You have to rein it in now for your own health and sanity. I know because have been in a similar situation with my son. I have been "helping" him out financially and it has got worse over this year. We found out he had been lying about the amount of money he had received and his rent hadn't been paid. When he demanded that I pay it I knew the bank of Mum had to close immediately. Yes he has blocked us too but he constant requests for money to pay his debts was affecting both my husband and I and couldn't go on.
Give her 3 months notice and help her make a budget. Sorry but having your nails done etc are not top of the list when you are a single parent with 3 children to look after. If you are worried that things are a bit difficult for her you could always do an online food shop for her to help out sometimes.