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(13 Posts)
janc Sat 21-Oct-17 21:51:26

I have 3 adult children and 1 GS. Fro years we have helped with all of our offspring with various issues. From mental health issues to supporting daughter with her son.Hubby and I are near retiring age and would like some peace in our lives.
Now, eldest son has for the last fortnight telling us he is going to commit suicide ( he got out of psychiatric ward in August). We have phoned his mental health nurse who replied son has full faculty,he can make decisions! They will keep to the health plan. All he does is cry ( he is in mid 30s) he has lost his job. His flat is his own.
We phoned NHS 24 tonight and didn't get much further,it is very difficult
Any help or advice is welcome

stayanotherday Sat 21-Oct-17 22:05:16

You poor thing. Could you get in touch with the crisis team at your local hospital or out of hours GP? Could you suggest your son stays with you tonight and see how he is tomorrow? How difficult for you.

Imperfect27 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:06:18

janc I do sympathise. I have faced very similar problems - my DS1 has just been discharged from a MH ward. We could only watch as he deteriorated over a period of many weeks without any real support - went to A&E 3 times and fobbed off twice with diazepam to calm him down before real action was taken.

As your son is phoning you every night he clearly needs more support than he is getting. If you think his threats of suicide have real foundation and that he is not safe, he needs to be taken to A&E - not left to go alone - and may need admitting to a ward for a time. Beds on acute wards are hard to come by, but if he severely in need, one will be found - refuse to be fobbed off!

My DS is, thankfully , in a much better place and will now have community support at a day centre for another 3 months, It has been a hard journey for him - and us (one of several), but we o what we can.

I hope you can help your son to find the support he needs. The systems are so inadequate we do have to shout hard and long at times. xx

stayanotherday Sat 21-Oct-17 22:15:27

Yes, I agree. How awful.

Anniebach Sat 21-Oct-17 22:22:12

You have my sympathy, been coping with similar for about ten years

janc Sat 21-Oct-17 22:26:50

Thanks, we have been in touch with crisis team. I will be phoning again on Monday, his dad is visiting him tomorrow. ( sun) we have been here before and last year youngest son had psychosis and was in a neighbouring Ward for 6 weeks. I think this why we are exhausted/ overwhelmed.
This son was always deep and never really was totally easy to get on with,however this doesn't stop us loving and supporting him

stayanotherday Sat 21-Oct-17 22:29:23

I'm glad as he needs more support. I'm not surprised you're exhausted, it's such a worry. It's just getting through the weekend at the moment until you can do more Monday.

janc Sat 21-Oct-17 23:56:51

Thanks every one, I have not suffered from depression ( been lucky I guess) but I do have sympathy for anyone who has it.
It's the unknown I suppose that is worse,but I will take the advice and keep chapping on doors, and try to get them to help 'even although he has understanding'.
It's all we can do as parents for him

Imperfect27 Sun 22-Oct-17 07:03:28

janc I have PM'd you x

loopyloo Sun 22-Oct-17 08:39:24

Jane, I really feel for you.
How close do you live to your son? Is he taking his medication? Presumably he is on an anti depressant?. Could you go to his GP with him on Monday?
I hope his father has a good day with him today if that's possible.

Madgran77 Sun 22-Oct-17 10:05:30

I am shocked at the Nurses "advice"!! So sorry you have so much to face

janc Sun 22-Oct-17 16:00:34

Thanks for everyone who took the time to give me advice, hubby plans to visit in the afternoon, more chance him being awake. Son is very deep and only ever tells us what he wants us to know and tends to be secretive as well.this adds to the problem!
I just will be knocking on their doors till we get somewhere

Luckygirl Sun 22-Oct-17 16:18:00

It is tiresome and indeed disgraceful that people should be having to knock on doors with persistence in order to get proper help for their loved ones.

What happens to those with no-one to advocate on their behalf? It does not bear thinking about.