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I realise this may sound a bit pathetic

(66 Posts)
petitpois Thu 09-Nov-17 17:01:53

but I've recently tracked down an old friend on Facebook. We were very close for a long time and then there was some missed communication about something - I've actually forgotten what (!) and things turned frosty for a bit and then she left our town and we completely drifted apart. I got all nostalgic looking at the photos of her and remembering our shared laughs and cries. I'd really like to re-establish contact with her but I'm not sure how to do it? And if I'm honest, scared I'll be rebuffed, or worse, ignored. Anyone else have any stories of long lost friendships reunited that may inspire me and give me the courage?

Kim19 Sat 11-Nov-17 10:28:01

Do go for it, petitpois. If you suggest a meet and she doesn't respond then, so be it. She may, like you, have forgotten what your parting of the ways was all about. If you meet and do a reasonable catch up it may turn out to be a reinvigorated friendship or a 'see you around' outcome. Nothing to lose and possibly much to gain methinks. Good luck.

blueberry1 Sat 11-Nov-17 10:27:48

Give it a try,you have nothing to lose.An old childhood friend contacted me and although we haven't yet had a meet up,we have a "close" online friendship (not FB),exchanging lots of family news,photos and memories of the old days.

luluaugust Sat 11-Nov-17 10:22:03

Do go for it, I have got back in touch with someone from 45 years ago, we meet once a year and exchange occasional emails, we have our families in common but a day together works well. Take plenty of photos with you as it gets the conversation going.

Years ago I met up with a group from College and that didn't go so well, one lady had married into a lot of money and was determined we should all know it, another had a very sad life and we all felt very down for her, so another meeting never happened.

jenwren Sat 11-Nov-17 10:20:11

Tegan2 that is exactly what happened to me. It was the laughs I remembered most. She said to me 'you have had an interesting life, Ive only been married' I replied 'I had to fight for survival' by that my husband left me when the children were 7 and 5 and the house had been gutted to be renovated. Needless to say in the middle of it he left. So with a house to put back together again and had to go on benefits, I went and got myself educated. I was never going to be reliant on a man again and that was over thirty years ago.

Nanny123 Sat 11-Nov-17 10:04:01

I too had a similar situation, fell out with a friend and lost touch. Then out of the blue I seen a request from her on FB - I accepted and it was like we had never fallen out. Years later she told me that she pondered for weeks about sending the request through fear of me not accepting and admitted that she was so pleased she did.

Life is too short (as I have sadly found out recently) make that friends request and hopefully it will open out that once great friendship you both shared. Good luck x

Daisydoo2 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:54:24

I have reconnected with 2 people on FB and really enjoy our friendships. I did try to connect with a third one, but then found out she is married to someone who used to pursue me... oops... I never reciprocated with him. Hey ho 2/3 is good. You've nothing to lose and everything to gain. Go for it and see what happens, you have everything to gain. Good luck.

Jaycee5 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:41:06

Don't overthink it. If she does ignore it, it won't mean anything. Maybe she is just too busy or doesn't like to look back. If she rebuffs you then it is unfortunate but if she does it unkindly that will reflect on her not you.
You may get in touch and then remember why you didn't keep in touch and be the one doing the rebuffing! You really have nothing to lose and may, at the least, gain a nice chat and catch up.

sandelf Sat 11-Nov-17 09:40:45

As it's clearly what you want to do - just do it. If she doesn't respond you're no worse off than now and if you renew the friendship that's good.

ChrisJMac Sat 11-Nov-17 09:36:40

Go for it, petitpois. I did it several years ago and now several of us old school friends meet up now and again for a long lunch - in fact we were able to welcome one of our peers when she was visiting the UK from New Zealand in the summer to a gathering. We've all followed quite different paths but seem to be essentially the same people we were 50+ years ago, and it's so interesting (and fun) hearing about their experiences. A Fb catch-up will ease you in and will help you decide if you want to rekindle the relationship and meet up.

Molly10 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:33:37

Go for it, you are both older and wiser now. At least you will be able to move on if she rebuffs you but you may find she has been thinking positively about you too.

Many years ago there were silly arguments among a group of my friends and, as happens, sides were taken and the group drifted and went separate ways. I never really felt like I'd fallen out with anyone just that we were finding our feet and confidence in different areas and needed to grow in that way. Well I did think about the girls I didn't see and knew I would make contact at sometime, certainly with one of my best friends from that time, I just needed to get round to it. Well one Christmas I received a card from her with a note in. I did laugh! The old camaraderie, humour and funny stories were there immediately. The card was from her and her then 10 year old daughter who I knew about but had never met.

We are now more than 15 years down the line past that card, still give Christmas cards & presents, birthdays cards and presents and am proud to say she is still one of my best friends and we meet up regularly. I also see the other girls now too and there is not an ounce of animosity among any of us.

Here's to friendship wine

Elrel Sat 11-Nov-17 09:24:33

OP I recently 'found' a friend I'd not been in touch with for almost 50 years by a casual online search. I hesitated to contact her thinking 'our lives have followed such different courses, she may not welcome hearing from me'. But she did, she is as pleased as I am to be back in touch. We've much catching up to do, reminiscing about times past and are hoping to meet again soon. Go for it!

blue60 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:10:45

Something similar happened to me. I did contact my ex friend via Facebook, and she sent me a text. We spent a long happy hour on the phone and had agreed to meet up.

The meet up never happened as she didn't contact me again, despite my messages (that was a year ago).

I have since decided it's for the best, too much time has passed and I believe we are now different people to the wonderful times we spent when we were both single and carefree. (I am married, she is still single).

By all means try if you feel you want to, but don't have any expectations. x

meandashy Sat 11-Nov-17 09:02:39

I hope you're inspired to reach out. Suck it and see as they say!
I fell out with a good friend for several years and felt the relationship would never be mended. I saw her one day in a supermarket, several years down the line, she had had children, and i decided life was too short. I wasn't confident she would be willing to reciprocate but i was very happy she did.
We did discuss the reason for the falling out, it was complicated but we had both grown up some and had a better understanding of life I think.
Good luck petitpois

Marianne1953 Sat 11-Nov-17 09:00:45

Just try and connect to her, she will ignore it if she doesn’t want contact. However, she may be feeling the same as you. Life’s too short for worrying about rebuffs.

janeayressister Sat 11-Nov-17 08:58:58

Goodness.... go for it, life is too short to look back and think ...I wish I had done this or that. I meet up with old friends from when I was 11 every year. We don't have a great deal in common but I enjoy the day listening and eating.
I met up with another old friend who contacted me through FB. She lived on the other side of the world and when she came back to the UK for a visit, we arranged to meet. It wasn't a unrivalled success and we probably won't meet again but I can see why I was friendly with her.
Our regard for one another wasn't strong enough for us to spend much time with one another again. However, I am glad that I facilitated meeting and we are still friends. FB friends. Not the same as RL.
I met up with another group recently and had a lovely time as I was much closer to them....they then all travelled back to their respective homes. We will speak a few times a year.

Moving about through work has meant leaving lovely friends and I feel sad about that...but I do make the effort to keep in touch...so I have a wide circle of friends. We are off to Canada in May to see old school and Uni friends.....impossible if you don't take a risk and maintain contact.

kooklafan Sat 11-Nov-17 08:44:29

About twenty eight years ago my old school friend managed to track me down. We were best friends in school but afterwards we lost touch. Anyway, she had been looking for me for a while so we reconnected and after a couple of telephone calls we arranged to meet at her house for lunch, she with her toddler daughter and myself with my toddler son. I arrived and my son and her daughter promptly began to play and as toddlers often do got over excited running around the garden squealing and giggling and she had the gall to tell me to keep 'my' son quiet because her husband was upstairs in bed working nights! I left soon after and didn't respond to any of her follow up messages. It's not like we had anything in common any more.

Caro1954 Sat 11-Nov-17 08:38:00

You have nothing to lose Petitpois. Let us know how it goes.

Harris27 Sat 11-Nov-17 08:31:52

My husband and I (sorry that sounded regal!) both agree that our schooldays were in the past and should stay that way . My sister still meets up regularly with friends from that time and loves it. Up to the individual I say but I feel that I may be a dissapointment because my memories of years ago are pretty vague!

Piggypoo Sat 11-Nov-17 08:23:51

Hello, An old friend of mine sent me a friend request on Facebook, and I was a bit hesitant to accept the request as I worried we'd have nothing in common. However I accepted, and although we met up and had nothing to say to each other, we said we'd not get too disappointed about this, and just send the odd Hello and happy birthday messages. It was a shame we didn't connect the second time round, she was very full of herself and only talked about how much money her DH had and how many times they holidayed abroad. I found her quite shallow and boring. But do give it a go petipois, you will probably be glad you did. smile

ooonana Sat 11-Nov-17 08:20:46

I have done just that, found an old friend from nearly 20 years ago and friend requested her. She was overjoyed to make contact again we live 100 miles apart but we’ve met up twice now half way and it’s been great to catch up. We’re only just scratching the surface of what has happened to us both......please go for it don’t waste any time and good luck.

Bluegal Fri 10-Nov-17 19:21:22

Not at all Billybob4491 - people do change. At a recent school reunion I was so excited about seeing a couple in particular; we had been fabulous friends, shared innermost secrets, cried over boys, had sleepovers etc, lost contact as you did back in the day - moving about, no mobiles or fb etc but found that the ones I have kept in touch with are people I barely remember from school days - we just seem to gel now! That's Life wink

Oh but I would still give it a go petitpois...just out of interest.

Billybob4491 Fri 10-Nov-17 16:49:40

My first posting - hope its not too negative! I think it is difficult to resurrect old friendships, however tenuous the link, possibly because too much water has passed under the bridge! I met up with two old friends recently, it was an awkward meeting, not much in common, ran out of topics to discuss! leave the past in the past.

BlueBelle Fri 10-Nov-17 15:52:09

I ve met a couple of old friends through fb and they ve been a bit of a damp squid we have met but although it was pleasant there was no big connection any more I ve also had one not answered although I rather think she doesn’t go on it much so I ll just leave it hanging there
Definitely go for it you ll never know what you’re missing until you try
Nothing ventured nothing gained
Do come back and tell us

Maggiemaybe Fri 10-Nov-17 15:41:25

Hope it goes well, petitpois. You've nothing to lose either way!

harrigran Fri 10-Nov-17 15:22:14

I met up with someone I was friends with 50+ years ago and found we had absolutely nothing in common. We still exchange Christmas cards but we don't meet as we would have nothing to talk about.