Talking problem

What do her teachers say? They are often used to children's different behaviours. A speech therapist may be a better option for help if there is a problem.

I was a very shy child and would hide under the table when people came to visit,I rarely spoke to adults .My mother was concerned but my Granny said the reason I didn't speak was because everybody else spoke for me.As no 3 D in the house the bigger ones would answer questions so I had no need to conquer my shyness .I did eventually grow out of it and although I wouldn't answer questions in front of the class or sing I was happy to speak to the teachers one to one .I guess I was like this until I was maybe 10 .I was never forced to change ,left to do it at my oown pace

Forget about it before you turn it into an issue - kids have so many 'issues' these days - the world has gone mad - we're even encouraging them to talk about whether they are comfortable in their biological sex - heaven help us - your GD will develop at her own pace and by the time she's a teenager she will have found her comfortable level in her communication with older people.

There is a clue here - that she is quite bright. The normal chatter amongst the adults around her appear to be inconsequential to her and not worth her time joining in. She feels superior but is reluctant to show it while still able to join in with her peers whom she does not expect to be above her level whereas she thinks the adults ought to be very much above her. As they appear not to be she probably does not want to be 'told off'' for being superior.

It is also possible that she has some level of Asperger Syndrome so if any family records reveal autism this should be explored.

I was a speech and language therapist before retirement and I had some children with selective mutism on my caseload. They are usually perfectionist children and have picked up at an early stage that their communicative attempts do not conform to adults' standards. This does not necessarily mean that there is a problem with speech per se, although sometimes there is. Whilst it is worth getting professional input if the child's education is suffering, or the child is showing signs of distress, this little girl seems to be at the mild end of the spectrum, and I think that careful management, with no pressure to speak, will probably give her the space to increase her confidence as she matures. However, everyone must be very disciplined about not pressurising her and that includes NOT praising her for speaking (which is very pressurising) as well as not criticising her for failing to do so. I would endorse the advice given for selective mutism on the NHS website which Trisher has given the url for above. If things start to go downhill, get a referral to your local Department of Speech and Language or look on the Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists website for a list of SLTs in private practice. Good luck with your endeavours and DON'T PANIC!

Ignore it, don't for goodness sake get her labelled. She is clever, eccentric and perfectly normal. Perhaps she finds adults talk down to her rather annoying. My son did not speak to anyone until he was a playgroup at 3 years, although my friend used to hear him muttering to himself 'where is she?' whilst waiting for me in his pushchair to go out! He obviously thought I was a bit annoying! I think there is an enormous spectrum of ordinariness and would be totally reluctant to place anyone in a specific place on it.

Don't get her labelled fgoodnesss!! Not until you think that there could be more of a problem in other directions.

When I was a child I hated it when 'grown-ups' talked to me unless they were relatives whom I knew well; friends of my mother thought I was extremely shy and quiet and mumbled. I have noticed that very bright, very chatty DGD does the same - except with people she knows very well.

ps Adults can be soooo boring

I just was wondering why you say otherwise she is 'surprisingly chatty' perhaps like all protective Grannies you are just reading & worrying a little bit unnecessarily.

My dgd was shy at 3 & 4. Now she talks too much at school (7)!!. I believe the change came when we encouraged her in extra curricular activities. She loves rainbows. We enrolled her in a summer performing arts school. She really enjoyed the week but struggled with the performance at the end. We haven't done that again because she found that difficult.

If dgd is managing to make friends I would NOT be overly concerned. Teachers are trained to pick up any potential additional needs. Your daughter can raise it with the teacher at parents evening or via a meeting if they are really concerned. ?

My eldest was exactly the same. I used to dread any neighbours speaking to him, in case they thought he was rude. At one open day, a teacher told me how thrilled she was, because he had actually spoken to her without being prompted. He was 8 and she had been teaching him for almost 2years.

He is in his 40s now and still very reserved. He cannot make small talk. So avoids situations where he will meet lots of strangers. He was quite anxious as a child, but a different personality with people he felt comfortable with.

I would just go with it at the moment but maybe consider something like acting lessons when she is older. This gives children the tools to pretend to be confident.

My son wanted to go into the RAF, and I was concerned about his shyness not allowing him to show his potential. I got a coach for him, who,taught him some amazing body language skills which put him in command of his nervousness. She also said something to him, which has stuck with me till this day.

“Say little, and you will be heard, listen to others and you will be respected”.

Hope this helps.