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Asperger's Grandson!

(106 Posts)
hildajenniJ Sun 17-Dec-17 13:02:32

I've just had DD on phone saying she can't do this any more. GS1 age 9 as most of you know has Asperger syndrome with Tourettes. His vile behaviour has escalated in the past few weeks. He's always had meltdowns associated with his condition, but it's getting to the stage where he is now saying the most hurtful, horrid things to his mother, being destructive with the nearest thing to hand, often his siblings belongings. He's upsetting the whole family. DSiL works at sea so is away at present, and won't be home until February. They only live 5 minutes down the road, but there isn't much DH and I can do to help except take either him or his brothers and sister for a few hours until everything subsides again.
DD is at her wits end with him. She took the whole family out of school as they were failing drastically, and the school didn't have the resources to help them. GS1 doesn't want to do school work, all he wants to do, in DD's words is "pratt about". The latest meltdown was about doing a science project, the subject chosen by him!! He tried to tear his sister's book, and then destroyed his brother's Lego model.
Understandably, she doesn't want to involve Social Services which means going through the GP, and having her parenting skills questioned.
I suggested to her that this seems to be the only way to deal with him. I suggested special school, but she doesn't know how to go about having him assessed without going through the GP etc.
Any thoughts would be appreciated as we are at a loss, and these outbursts are a daily occurrence.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this, honestly I could sit and weep, but that would help nobody.

lemongrove Wed 20-Dec-17 23:27:05

Have a cool Yule! smile

eazybee Thu 21-Dec-17 09:48:43

Glad that you are feeling happier about the situation, but do hope that you will persist in persuading your daughter to make an appointment with a paediatric consultant. Presumably if she is claiming Disability Living Allowance, the children, and most importantly their needs, will be assessed, and they will receive help. Her present actions are not improving the situation for them.

Jaycee5 Thu 21-Dec-17 09:54:12

What good news particularly at Christmas.
She obviously needed to offload everything to you and maybe that helped to relieve some of the stress so that she could deal with it.
She is lucky to have you to think things through with and it is good to know that she is seeking the right help. It will obviously still be difficult but getting the right support should make it manageable. Best wishes.

grannyqueenie Fri 22-Dec-17 11:39:07

It sounds like you’re feeling a bit more settled about it all. Your daughter is fortunate to have you as a sounding board, we never stop being their mum do we....with all the angst that sometimes comes with that job! I hope she’s able to access the right support services in the new year. Best wishes for a happy Christmas x

Quietdragon Sun 24-Dec-17 11:29:58

Hilda,Has your grandson got a pediatric consultant,if not I think he needs one.there are so many sides to autism that bring diffrent problems that a pediatric consultant could help from educational to support.
My daughter has complex problems although not the same and I thinking what helped us.
Your daughter can refer her son herself to be assessed Education, Health and Care Plan (formally statement of special needs)
It is not easy and I went to tribunal many times to secure the help and funding for my daughter but things have improved.Once your grandson has this plan he and your daughter will have access to so much help and support.Ipsea is wonderful at providing support for parents through this process also.Good Luck.
www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/understanding-autism/education/statements-and-education-health-and-care-plans
www.ipsea.org.uk/