Dealing with the bills

DH deals with finance and I haven't a clue. Every now and then he tries to discuss/explain but I glaze over as has been described. I find it all dull and almost incomprehensible. He has at my request written down a list of all the accounts/investments we have and told me where he's put it but if he goes first I'll have to rely on DS and DD to sort me out!
I'm not dim, just have never been interested in money -as long as we have enough to live on - or numbers generally! Words are my forte and I help him with grammar and spelling. That's just how it is.

I also deal with all the finances. I have offered to let DH take over on many occasions but he says I do a better job than he could. Everything is done by Direct Debit and Internet Banking and we have joint accounts except for one savings account in my name but recently I wrote everything down in a notebook so that if The Grim Reaper takes me first he will be able to take over.

Don't forget: Unless your home insurance is in both names, one of you risks not being covered if the other dies!

And be very mindful of the car insurance issue too which was mentioned before. Also as DH had advanced cancer he was entitled to the zero rate car tax. When he died not only was the car not insured to drive (a call to his insurance was necessary to continue cover till it was sold) but was not taxed. Fortunately I have my own car!

Good point, Alygran. My brother and I were named drivers on my dad's car insurance so I rang his car insurance company ( Aviva) the morning after his death, realizing that we would no longer be insured to drive it. I have to say that Aviva were brilliant. They amended the details accordingly, enabling us to continue to drive it if necessary, and also answered my queries on where we would stand regarding car tax, too. If only all the companies I have had to deal with had been so efficient!

Thanks folks for all this brilliant advice which I am going to follow.

T U also Lemongrove for your faith in me.

I am going to take up DH’s offer of showing me the books.

I will also make sure everything is in joint name.

We have a financial adviser for our savings and she has made sure we are both able to access our money when the other one dies.

I must just be grateful I have had almost 47 years of leaving it all to DH ?

Hereshoping...don’t worry about shopping and getting in and out of town with your arthritis...get online and shop. I started doing it three months ago and never looked back.I was trepidation’s at first but not now. I still top up at local shop with bread, fresh veg...but all else bought online. It only costs me £3 delivery as I have an evening delivery. My arthritis in hands is gruesome and don’t have a car so it’s a boon!! Do it!!

I deal with ours. It is possible to make it simple and just have it all on standing order.

Politically we are supposed to shop around - but you do not have to - stick with what you know and let the standing orders work for you.

If you find a problem, then go to CAB with your bits of paper and they will sort it out for you.

I have always run the family finances. DH travelled so much when he was working, we made both our personal accounts joint so that I could pay his credit card and other personal bills in his absence

There is nothing complicated about paying bills. They come in and you pay them and some can be paid by monthly standing order.

I am a bit like NanKate's husband. I have systems and spread sheets, but that is only because I find them useful. If DH ever took over I would leave him to work out the system that served him best. I wouldn't expect him to do it the way I do.

There is one danger with joint accounts. When you arrange POAs make sure you have at least one attorney in common.

We had problems with an aunt and uncle who chose different people to be their attorneys, then, on the banks advice, they made all their accounts joint. When we had to activate the POAs, the banks will not let anyone operate the joint account unless they represent both account holders. We did finally get things sorted so that they had one person who held a POA for both of them and they were the only person allowed to operate the account. Be warned.

The money advice service has useful information including a budget planner and price comparison tools making it very easy to use. I suggest having a look now before you have to and start with working out which bills you would need to pay and where you might look to check on deals, fore warned is fore armed

It is a good is idea to have a calendar where you can write on when MOT, TAX and car insurance is due, house insurance, life insurance, gas service, Amazon Prime, Net Flicks, TV licence and find out dates when all direct debits are paid eg. utilities, water, council tax etc. Write them all onto calendar and at the beginning of each month check what outgoings you will have that month. I am sure you will be able to manage it when the time comes. Emotionally I would be so sad and lost if I lost my dh even though I would be able to manage to sort out bills even though dh does them as he is an accountant. Make sure you have joint account and will therefore be able to action funds immediately if you need to. Once you inform bank a person has deceased they immediately freeze their bank account unless it is a joint account.

Joint accounts are essential so that you can go on paying essential,utility bills etc after a bereavement. Direct debits take care of the rest of it, but I suggest you go,through some bank statements to familiarise yourself with what is being paid when and to whom.
After a bereavement is NIT the time to be clueless.
I used different coloured highlighter pens for direct debits which would stay in place (energy etc), any which would change (Denplan, council tax, life assurance etc) and those which I subsequently cancelled, such as subscriptions, professional association memberships and so on.
I did a tally of monthly outgoings, compared it to a revised tally of money IN and knew where I was, giving me some peace of mind.
It could have been a nightmare but in fact wasn’t thanks to a helpful bank and clear filing by Paw at least up to about a year ago.

NOT the time not “NIT”!

I have always been the most organised of the two of us so did most of the bill paying in the days when cheques were written and you waited for a monthly statement to check it all out.

Online banking made life much easier and when DH had a stroke eight years ago I was in a position to take it all on without any problems.

I believe in keeping everything as simple as possible. I've changed energy suppliers a couple of times but now we have a Smart meter I'll leave well alone. Ditto the phone and internet provider.

I've kept the insurances in our joint names apart from the car as DH no longer drives.

If anyone has a query DH says, 'Talk to the Boss'

I’m the financial controller, always have been. I do worry that Mr C wouldn’t have a clue, he is happy to leave things to me, as he says why change a system that works. Bank accounts and savings/investments are on a sort of chart with account details and the organisation’s contact details. Bills set up with direct debit. Very simple and well labelled filing system. Having read other comments I will make sure all bills come in joint names. We both have a credit card where we are the primary card holder. Passwords are available to us both. Mr C would manage I know, he would have help from very competent family if needed, but I’d be much happier if he would sometimes do any necessary transactions himself, just to put my mind at rest.

I used to deal with all finances before I had a stroke. DH took over and has made it very complicated in comparison to the way I did it. He is useless at filing so paperwork is now in a terrible muddle and he is not good at bargain hunting or changing suppliers. We are supposed to be sorting it all out together but I am beginning to wonder if it wiĺl ever happen! We need to get POA organised too. I am feeling very daunted not so much by doing things but trying to understand what DH has been up to. Fortunately one of our D.C. is an accountant and another is a very capable teacher so I am not going to worry about any of it as they would help me if I needed them.

We kept separate bank accounts and shared the expenses, most being paid by Direct Debit. When he died, his bank sent me a list of all his Direct Debits which I simply transferred to my account.
As for insurances, car, home etc. I use a local broker who does all the trawling for me and, if I were to have a claim, I would simply ring the broker who would deal with everything.
I was divorced 35 years ago from my first husband and had to deal with everything for my daughter and me, including taking out a mortgage. It really is not that difficult.

I am going back many years now. My dad who worked down the coal mines and served his country with his army career had to ask me when mum died, 'how much sugar he took in his tea

This is an all too common matter. There is no need to panic though because there is a way forward.

The first thing is to ensure you have a joint bank account through which all the regular payments are made, mostly by direct debit. Secondly you will also need an account in your sole name with sufficient funds in it to enable you to manage in the immediate aftermath.

You do not need to carry on in the same manner or formula. What is important is that you understand the way in which you wish to manage your finances.

Instead of asking how he manages everything enquire about a list of all the bills you should expect. Amounts and timing. Which are paid automatically and which you would have to pay. This is a keep it simple approach.

Other matters could wait until you have the opportunity to talk to the executors. As they would have all the relevant information they should be very useful.

If your son is going to help you then let him have the information you have when the time comes. However I would caution allowing anyone but you making financial decisions. Take advice but do not let yourself be persuaded, and certainly not against your instincts.

There comes a time when most people have to get involved and manage change. It is just another process.

Had my first foray with DH into the accounts and am having another go in the morning. It doesn't seem as complex this time so hopefully it will become crystal clear.

My Dad was the one who did all that sort of thing but when he died Mum got on with it in her own way and has coped amazingly over the 20 years since. Needs must as has been said. You might not do it like he does but as long as you get on with it all will be well

DH used to deal with everything, his house, his choice, but when we moved house, I persuaded him we should have a joint account for the bills.we each pay in and the direct debits come out of this.
We each have our own incomes and sole accounts for everything else, and neither of us interferes with what the other does with their money. I circulate mine around a number of accounts for the best rates whilst he can’t be bothered.
It works for us, and will hopefully be ok when one of us dies.

My Oh is more than capable with money. But when it comes to changing banks, utilities etc I'm the one who does it. His attitude is: I can't be arsed if you think it's ok, go ahead.