Son in law’s parents.

I'm a mother of sons and luckily (I see now) like, but not been very close to, my dils and their parents. I think I may have a reputation for being scatterbrained and untidy (deserved) but no-one has told me except for DD!!. That's the thing, your DD can say home truths to you and will be forgiven but at that stressful time when you were all desperately worried, people can say and do awful things . Let's hope you can forgive and forget before the first birthday comes around. I am so glad your DD managed to feed the babe and to get well.

it is a difficult topic- but one I would never ever want to discuss on an open to all forum, where HQ owns our comments- ever.

Incredibly insensitive of the MIL to turn up expecting to coo over baby while your DD is in intensive care with sepsis. There are people who are sadly so caught up in themselves they cannot see how things might look to others. Your sil and you must have been incredibly worried. My own sil contracted sepsis after a blood infection last year and we were all terrified.

My DD luckily gets on well with her MIL and we all try to get along and try not to let little niggles affect our relationship. My SIL is quite capable though of standing up to his mum if she gets a little bit over the top and both DD and SIL are very careful to give relatively equal access to DGC.

I think if your DD and SIL are now coping relatively well it might be nice for the PIL to see them a bit more now they might not need your help so much.

I don't believe for a second your d.i.l's in-laws said;
“I don’t care if your DW nearly died, we just want to see that baby!”
as for; “ we can’t get near that baby she’s always breastfeeding her! their grandchild that they brought a massive balloon for as they were so excited at the birth of their DGC and they would call the baby that I don't think so.

OP, did your DD's in-laws know she had contracted sepsis after the birth of the baby before hand, or did they learn this on arriving at the hospital with the big balloon? Even with the mother unwell, shouldn't the birth of the baby still be celebrated? and I think you [op] are encouraging your poor s.i.l to turn against his dear parents, that are quite obviously thrilled to have a new grandchild, is it the first GC on both sides?

As for the advise from Bibbity to go on mumsnet for advise, I think we all know what that is; Cut them out!

Gummybear if you only saw one set of GP once a month and the other once a year you would not have a close relationship with them. Some GP are a big part of the GC daily/weekly lives and are very close, so are deeply missed when they go.

How lovely Paddyann for you & your dear nan

I hope your DD is fully recovered now Yearoff and that mother & baby are both doing well

Please don't encourage your DD&S.i.l to cut out or go low- contact with the other set of grandparents, who clearly love their new GC & their son and maybe love your DD too, if you could only look through this ugliness aimed at them!

Yearoff - I am sorry that you are getting such a hard time on here from some posters that think that their "grandparent rights" overrule basic, common decency!

I hope that dd and sil have recovered from the experience and are getting the support they need. Does the hospital offer debriefs? I found this helpful for post birth PTSD,

Of course it was nasty and insensitive of the IL's to come bounding into intensive care with a giant (germ carrying) balloon to the bedside of your DD who might not survive - who was probably not aware whether her baby had survived. Some people are just selfish and unable to put the needs of anyone else above themselves. That they criticised dd for breast feeding was also terrible behaviour - the baby is not a toy for their entertainment and insensitive to a new mother who had been through a terrible time.

I had a very traumatic delivery where dd and I spent the first night in different intensive care units and where my poor dh was left alone in the delivery room in shock with 6 pints of my blood on the floor. It took a long time to get over the birth and only supportive people were at all helpful. Luckily it was a Swedish hospital that did not allow GPs into intensive care, nor indeed the wards as I don't know if I would have coped to have been treated in such a shoddy way as your dd - as a mere incubator of grand children.

Yogagirl: Even with the mother unwell, shouldn't the birth of the baby still be celebrated?

I think it is pretty insensitive to go overboard on "look at me" celebrations before you know that both mother and baby are going to live. Being in intensive care should be a clue even to the thickest visitors to tone it down for a day or two.

Cold the IL's to come bounding into intensive care with a giant (germ carrying) balloon to the bedside of your DD No way would this happen, they would not be allowed in, and if op's DD was feeding baby then

Sounds to me like the paternal grandparents were standing in the corridor!

The important thing is that the mother recovered from her illness; the baby is thriving, and all grandparents are delighted with the grandchild.
This incident needs to be forgiven and forgotten, not dwelt on, exaggerated, (bounding into intensive care: really) and used as a means of sowing discord between two sides of a family.
Celebrate the joy of a grandchild together, you lucky people!