I have never thought of this...

There was a thread on this very subject a few months ago, called, if I recall rightly ‘A Swedish Death Clean’ ( shudder.)
Cleaning out one’s home so that the AC won’t have much to do!
Considering I am leaving the house and whatever savings I have to them, they can hire a skip for whatever they don’t want to keep themselves, or have a house clearance done.
Am not a hoarder ( nothing like it) but have accumulated a lot of things that I enjoy having and much of it is used, admittedly some of it not all that often.

One of my aunts went into a home and when she died I asked my cousin if she could find one of my aunts books for me (it was a private joke between us) She rang to say she had found it for me and said "Why didn't you just ask her for it when you saw her?" Did she really think I would have said "By the way Auntie, as you're going to die can I take that book of yours now?"

To put it mildly I'm a bit of a hoarder and when I was going on about how hard DH and I found it to clear stuff out, my minimalist DD told me not to worry, when the dread day arrived she'd just be hiring a massive skip, or probably two. My other DD is sentimental and will want to keep loads of things, DS will keep out of it, but certainly won't want to clutter his own home. I will try to clear the decks to some extent to make it easier for them, but it'll be a challenge, and which of us knows when our time will be up? My DP had no warning that they would both die in their early seventies, yet they'd put their affairs in order and got rid of so much, including things that held memories for me. My DMIL, in her nineties, left a house crammed with both treasures and junk, and it took weeks to sort through it all. Somewhere in the middle would have been nice.

I think that as long as the relative can be persuaded to leave the important documents where they can be found, then let them have their things all around them, if they give them pleasure, to argue with a parent about it is a pretty awful thing to do and they should be ashamed of themselves.
If the relative is a hoarder,there really is nothing that anyone can do, although my heart sinks when I hear that people throw away magazines from the 1970s,there are people who will buy them!
If you can’t cope with clearing a house, then get a house clearance company in, at least they know what to keep and what to throw away,
it might be upsetting but it’s just one more thing that we have to do when a loved one dies.

Situpstraight, let them have their things all around them, if they give them pleasure, to argue with a parent about it is a pretty awful thing to do and they should be ashamed of themselves.
It's easy to be judgemental, when you haven't been in that situation. I'm certainly not ashamed to have argued with my mother, in order to try keep her safe.
In fact my mother broke her hip, after tripping over junk and she lay behind her front door all day, as I was at work. I found her lying behind the door when I went in to check on her.
She died a few months later from complications. I regret not being more firm with her, but she was not an easy woman to have a relationship with.
There is a difference between having your things around you to give you pleasure and serial hoarding , where there are piles and piles of clothes, newspapers and junk filling every room in the house, making it a health and safety hazard for the person who lives there.

The pressure to clear my dads house was immense. I chose a weekend when my son's could come and help, it was torrential rain like a horror film. The charity shops refused to take more than 3 bags and they were 8 miles along country lanes, the tip was just as picky.

I am surprised no one broke a leg on the slippery mud everywhere.

The boys live miles away, so the following week I was back there again with a friend, word to the wise, take a gorgeous friend to help, I was amazed what the tip was prepared to accept from Alice, previously declined when the boys took it along.

I could not just get a house clearance firm in, as dad had told me that he had hidden money in various places, which were all empty. The carpets had to be cleaned and the house blitzed before the sale went through.

There is more to it all than just putting stuff in the skip.

What I find quite sad is that people hold onto things because they will be worth ' something ' because they were expensive. Collectors plates, commemorative items, or even hobby items that at the time were the newest, most up to date available. Most of these go down in value over the years and whilst valuable to the owner - is just clutter to others.

It bothers me that people expect everybody to live to their standards. How anybody lives in their home is THEIR business.

I have had to clear 3 houses (my mother's, father-in-law's, and sister's). It's not a very nice job, but you have to try to detach yourself emotionally from it. I had a good friend who helped me with my sister's and her advice was to keep just a few things that were special to her.

I too have told my daughter to take what she wants and dispose of the rest (when the time comes!) as simply as she can.

Trouble is about the time you think you really ought to start clearing out, which we are doing slowly, is also about the time when energy levels and physical strength are not quite what they were, still we plough on. As we have occasionally asked if the AC can make any use of a particular item and the offer has been declined I think we can be pretty sure what will happen once we are gone.

I have finally convinced my DH that we need to clear out his domain, the garage, as I can no longer gain access to my gardening tools in there due to "stuff". He is a hoarder and has six bikes in there - all essential he assures me but there is also a huge amount of stuff that he thinks he may have a use for some time.

Once Easter is over we shall make a start at one end and work backwards to gain some sort of order and easy access. At least that is my plan. I shall have to be ruthless and may even resort to bribery.

My mum is 92 and she has asked me to help get rid of stuff as she doesn’t want it to be a big job when she dies. I was there a couple of weeks ago, took stuff to the tip, eight bags to the charity shop, and general de clutter. We also took out every draw and she went through a couple every day. We turned out every cupboard and had a good clear and clean out. She said she felt so much better for doing this, I was there for about 2 weeks and we were both tired by the end of it but pleased we had done it.

I was with my 95 year old Aunt the other day, and I think a visitor had said that her house was a bit cluttered, with that in mind she said "I think I should declutter" my reply was why, as all the items had memories to her, who'd given them ,where she'd bought them, etc. I'm one of her executors so as long as she puts in her will if she wants anything to be given to a person I can deal with the rest. I won't be so personally attached to them.

When my parents got into their 70s my mother divided everything she wanted to pass on and put my things into one cabinet and one half of the loft and my sister's things went into another cabinet and the other half of the loft. This is how it remained until after their deaths.

I have already gone through my 'trinkets' and anything of value with my girls and the rest is going to charity or online. The remaining clutter is going to the tip. I must admit, I wouldn't be doing it now if I wasn't moving house but it has to be done sometime, it might as well be now.?

My Mum is a hoarder, even my Dad used to tell her off, and my siblings and I will need a month of Sunday’s to sort it all out when the time comes. I tactfully threw into a relevant conversation that I am going minamilist so that my 3 don’t have mountains to plough thro, so she asked if I would help her clear some rooms out. It was so painful, I gave up, as it was just distressing her ! Even stuff she has not used for years, clothes she will never get into again .... she just can’t bear to part with it all. I found 32 empty perfume bottles, 22 faded old dusty gift boxes she intended to re-use, a bin liner bag full of old vacuum cleaner attachments etc She even has a bag full of the cellophane wrappers that greetings cards come in ?? Money is no problem to her, it’s just that make do and mend generation, and don’t throw anything away in case it comes in handy !! We just accept that one day we will need an awful lot of skips .....

I'm not a great hoarder (my oh is) and yes i will definitely de-clutter the only thing I want them to keep is photos of family that cannot be replaced, anything of sentimental value they can have if not have a garage sale and spend the money on a family meal

I have told my daughter to hire a skip as well, lol. What we have around us as we get older more often than not hold happy memories for us, if not that is the time to get rid of things, not to please others, I cleared my parents bungalow after they went & was happy to do so, seeing things they had kept for sentimental reasons, isn’t that what life is all about?

I think it depends how extreme the hoarding is. There is no point in trying to reason with someone with an anxiety disorder. Dealing with the anxiety over rides everything else. I see this with my cousin. He is generally fairly easy going but if anything blocks his quest for something that he has decided that is essential for his 'collection' he can turn quite nasty. He always says that it is something his wife wants but she would quite like to get rid of some of the stuffed toys which fill the house although she does enable it.
Trying to use logic with someone who is not thinking rationally is a waste of time. Unless they are prepared to have intensive therapy and are lucky enough to find the right therapist, you may just have to accept that you will need to get specialist clearers in.
One problem is that they always think that their hoard is worth something.

Its a labour of love. If not, throw the lot away.

When my parents moved into their house 65 years ago my father bought his huge collection of Evening Post magazines, he's hoarded everything ever since (for example I bought them a filter jug because the old one leaked and was frankly decrepitly unhygienic; he refused to throw it away).
I dread it when they die, there's a big five bedroom house, attic, outbuildings all crammed.

My son, in concert with my wife, cleared my attic, the only space that was ‘mine’ in the whole house and where I had always planned to spend time during my retirement. I feel totally violated. My retirement has been completely ruined and frankly I feel that I just want to walk away from them both. All of my stuff that I managed to rescue (about 5%) is now in boxes, really hard to get at as I get less flexible and I know it will all go in a skip as soon as I go, including all the carefully collected and named/dated family history stuff that my grand children will, when they are much older, really value. They might even sell some of the heirlooms.

Please listen to older people. We may be trying but we KNOW what, eventually, represents long lasting value even though younger people, quite rightly at their stage in life, consider to be ephemera, once ephemera is dumped you can NEVER get it back.

This subject comes up on Gransnet with understandable regularity. I'm surprised that the OP hasn't had these thoughts before.

When my DH's aunt died, my mother-in-law (her sister-in-law) was left to sort it out, as my father-in-law was pretty incapacitated by then. So my mother-in-law started to clear out, but unfortunately she was killed in an accident before she'd got very far.

I'm lucky that my parents never accumulated clutter. My mother has no more books in the house - her eyesight is no longer even good enough to read library books. There is only a minimum of kitchen equipment - (she doesn't really cook any more) - and clothes (She alternates two blouses and wears them for a week each.) It's very liberating - the house is tidy, clean, light and airy and she likes it there.

My DH has inherited his hoarding habit from his father and has accumulated no end of stuff. I shall be retiring soon and will definitely be whittling my part of the junk well down - I hope he follows my example.

The problem with the Swedish Death Clean is that I do feel that it is a preparation for the shuffling off of the mortal coil, and that thought has prevented me from starting any de-cluttering so far!

Hoarding used to be called Collyer's syndrome after the Collyer Brothers who lived in a 5 storey house in Harlem which had to be destroyed after they died (killed by the hoard) and was turned into a pocket park. It is a truly awful condition. I sympathise with anyone who has to deal with the aftermath of it and it is very sad for children brought up by hoarders.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers

When I cleared my FIL's home I had the joy of dealing with his electric earwax remover, complete with wax! Please make sure you dispose of yours before the children get lumbered with that task!

I would never have asked any older person, certainly not my mother, to clear up to help me when they died. I have told my children it is fine to give away, throw away, or keep all and any of my things after my death. Also, I heard of a woman wracked with guilt because she had not visited her father one day, and he died in the night. So I've also said to my children that when I die, I will die knowing that we love each other, and they should not worry if we'd not seen each other recently.