Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Was I so wrong?

(26 Posts)
Willitwork Thu 29-Mar-18 21:11:55


Today I visit my daughter to be told that 18month grandson has spilt hot gravy on himself!
How did it happen? SIL left gravy on worktop edge, and he reached up and got it.
I say you need to be more careful, you shouldn't leave hot stuff where young children should reach it..
SIL tells me it was an accident, he's been at work all day! He can't do everything.
I say, that's no excuse and repeat what I said about hot things around young children.
He stomps off daughter tells me I was harsh and I've upset him! (Really, that's all I said)
I was taken aback. I said I will stand up for my grandson, and SIL needs to take responsibility, accident or not. Daughter repeated it was an accident!
Daughter and I had planned to go out that evening.
I just said, we'll leave it there, I'll go. She agreed.
She had already said she thought she shouldn't go out now.

I was so annoyed at their response to me, was I that wrong?

Situpstraight Thu 29-Mar-18 21:19:35

Your SIL was obviously upset that his son had been likely to be burned due to his carelessness, you told him once, which was fair enough,

but to tell him of his failings twice was not really necessary.

I expect he was feeling bad enough already.

MissAdventure Thu 29-Mar-18 21:22:57

Accidents happen.
People are fallible, because they're people, not robots.
Horrible to think about your grandchild getting hurt, but I'm sure his parents will be more vigilant in future.

Madgran77 Thu 29-Mar-18 21:29:19

Not really helpful to have a go at him when he was upset and worried! You were worried and upset too I expect ,,,but it isn't really your place to be telling your Son in Law off is it? He knows he made a mistake, his reaction to you comes from anger, worry and tiredness!! I would ring up tomorrow and ask how your Grandson is, then speak to your SIL and say you are sorry for having a go, you understand he was upset and worried as were you and maybe something about how we all, including you, can learn from our mistakes.

Cold Thu 29-Mar-18 21:29:26

They were obviously very upset, feeling bad and already knew that what had happened was a huge error.

So he was feeling very upset and then got lectured not once but twice by his MIL stating the totally obvious.

What did you expect that the result would be of dressing down your SIL when he was already upset? - it probably felt like you were twisting the knife by putting yourself in the middle of this unfortunate situation

Grannybags Thu 29-Mar-18 21:30:47

I'm sure your SiL was feeling bad enough without you pointing out what he had done wrong.

They will both have learnt not to leave things in his reach again

Madgran77 Thu 29-Mar-18 21:31:19

Oh and "standing up for your grandson" ...this was his father...think on that one, I suggest. Sorry if you didn't want this response, I know you are upset but I truly think you need to think on and be careful!

OldMeg Thu 29-Mar-18 21:31:36

Yes. They know what they did caused the accident and don’t need you to tell them that.

Once was bad enough but to keep on and on was neither wise nor helpful. You are in danger of spoiling your relationship with your SiL and daughter.

Really, what’s happened to the wisdom of experience?

MissAdventure Thu 29-Mar-18 21:31:49

I think sometimes its the shock that puts everyone on edge.
That's probably why you spoke out so strongly, why your son in law reacted as he did, and why your daughter decided not to go out.
It'll blow over. You've all been upset by it. flowers

Willitwork Thu 29-Mar-18 21:41:16

Thank you,, I will apologise to them tomorrow. Xxx

OldMeg Thu 29-Mar-18 21:44:39

D’you know Willitwork that is a wise decision. How refreshing that someone can come on here and actually listen and take advice.

Respect 👍🏽

Grannybags Thu 29-Mar-18 21:47:12

Willitwork smile

MissAdventure Thu 29-Mar-18 21:47:41

Ah, that's nice to hear, willit.
Best wishes to you all. smile

Luckygirl Thu 29-Mar-18 21:47:49

You were wrong. End of. Apologise.

My children suffered accidents through errors that I made, as happens with all parents to one degree or another and the last thing I would have needed was a MIL giving me grief.

harrigran Thu 29-Mar-18 21:54:49

Accidents do happen and not always helpful to shout the odds, it will blow over when the shock wears off.
When my sister was a toddler she ran down the hall and barged into the kitchen as mother was removing the yorkshire pudding tin from the oven, the hot fat went all over her face, being by the sink she was able to react quickly. No lasting damage.

gmelon Thu 29-Mar-18 22:11:47

You are perhaps overlooking the fact that you are able to look after them all.

I find it odd that you feel it necessary to "stand up for" your grandson. Against who? Aren't you all on the same side then?

Be kind to a young couple who had one of those "oh my goodness, it could have been worse " events.

Your daughter and son in law need your understanding , they feel awful about the gravy being left in reach.

We are all fallible.

Blencathra Thu 29-Mar-18 22:14:19

Well done Willitwork. We will now find out who actually reads the thread!

MawBroon Thu 29-Mar-18 22:53:00

Wise decision.
Their children their responsibility!
When DGS pulled their hall table on to himself and broke his thumb a couple of years ago I was sorry, but just relieved that Daddy was in charge and it was not on my watch!

gmelon Fri 30-Mar-18 01:42:53

Good luck, apologies make a huge difference. willitwork. It'll blow over, these things do.

Situpstraight Fri 30-Mar-18 04:41:15

Good for you Willitwork, have a good weekend.

BlueBelle Fri 30-Mar-18 06:53:04

Yes I agree with all the posters on here
Willitwork it takes a big person to admit they are wrong ( as long as you realise where you went wrong ) just tell them you went over the top as you were upset and frightened and realise it was a total accident that can happen to anyone
Is the little lad ok ?

SpanielNanny Fri 30-Mar-18 07:51:07

Well done willitwork I’m so pleased that you realised where you went wrong and are prepared to apologise. It really does show that you are a good person.
When I think back to some of the accidents my ds has as a child blush Being a parent is very difficult at times.

Madgran77 Fri 30-Mar-18 08:27:20

willitwork good decision; we all live and learn don't we, but being able listen to advice and apologise are key attributes! As someone else said, "respect!" flowers

Marydoll Fri 30-Mar-18 08:28:44

These accidents can happen in a split second. I was making jelly once and my toddler son pulled a jug of hot jelly over himself. I was distracted by my four year old and was convinced I was a terrible mother, beating myself up for ages about it. I threw him in a bath of cold water. My GP said he was suffering from hypothermia, rather than a burns!
It was a hard lesson for me to learn, but I made sure it never happened again..
However, it was an accident, so easily done, when you are spinning plates, as you do when you are working and have a young family.
Your poor SIL was doing his best, probably tired after a day of working and probably feels awful enough already, without you getting on to him.
As, Bluebelle says, tell them you were upset and apologise.
Good luck and try to resolve things.
I hope you have a lovely Easter weekend.

Nanabilly Fri 30-Mar-18 08:54:45

Take your sil a chocolate egg round and give him a huge hug and apology and all will be well . He was probably feeling so bad already and did not need granny nagging him too .Although granny only said what everyone was thinking (apart from the sticking up for my gs part) but it should have stayed that , thinking it and not saying it but in moments of panic sometimes our mouths speak before the brain has kicked into gear.
Hope gs is well and not burned from the gravy
My sister spilled red hot tea on her baby son many years ago and we all wanted to say similar to her but none of us did. She learned from it all by herself.