Brother asking for advice

ajanela, good points, well made about a letter/ e-mail, yep I'd missed that so thanks for pointing it out.

And yep icanhandthemback you're right I needed to have read it all then I'd be up to date, my bad. I've read (not skip read) the post and it does seem as if there's a good out come. I'm glad about that for everyone involved.

The father told the son, the son said he didn't want to know. Keep up!!!

I don't see anywhere that the father has taken the woman's details. It doesn't even say how she contacted him. It could have been a letter which would have her address on. An e mail would have the wo man's e mail address on and even if the father blocks that address she could try to contact him again from another address.

I think the father and son have behaved in the correct manner. The father telling his son warning him this woman is looking for him and the son telling his wife. As for the son thinking what might have been, sounds as thou he has and glad he escaped. The problem is if the woman tries other family members or old friends who know where the son lives at least the son has been warned.

I don't think the father should respond to her unless the son gives him a message he wants sent.

What I'd want to know is Why any family member would take this woman's details. What was your brother thinking?

Who in the family would want anything to do with her anyway after what she'd put people through?

He'd have been better off say right at the start that he would NOT take her details. Then telling her to leave his son, dil and grandchildren alone to get on with their life.

I'd be pointing out to her that she's got on with her life on other occasions without his son. And I'd be telling her that his son, dil and grandchildren weren't on this earth just for her to mess them around.

Hope there is a good outcome.

I'd just let it slip my mind! I'm good at that!

I’m glad to hear how this has ended Oldwoman70. The woman is obviously a user of people and it’s great that your nephew has the sense to see it.

Have you considered that your nephew doesn't want this woman to find him? She may have been unsuccessful in her pursuits and is now using your brother to get to him.

Your brother should not get involved. Better to have an argument over an undelivered message than a full blown falling out for a serious breach of privacy. The outcome could potentially dwarf the proverbial 'Pandora's Box'. My advice is for your brother to stay out of this!

Presumably ex does not know how to contact him, so is asking you to help. Maybe the answer is to get her details to pass to him so he can make the decision as to whether to make contact with her or not. Data protection! Don't pass on details without consent of owner of same.

I would advice your brother to reply to this woman that his son is happily married with children and he and his dw requested she not bother them again. Then block her.

This doesn't sound good. There are some dysfunctional people out there who leave a trail of broken hearts and it looks like this woman falls into that group. Who knows? Has she returned to previous partners breaking up marriages and then dumping them? At 40+ if she was sincere she would have tried to contact the nephew herself. Contacting his father is not on, it's like emotional blackmail. I would forget she has ever been in contact, for the sake of the whole family's happiness.

Good outcome. If the other woman gets to the nephew ensure his wife knows about it too.

keep out of other people's relationships

Delete the email and deny receiving it. Stay out of it too many things could come back to bite him on the bum!

Glad it is knocked on the head. Block the woman straightaway on social media.

Show me the perfect marriage. Your brother should advise his son what this woman has asked him to do.To keep it from his son and this other woman then makes contact herself will not go down well between father and son. It is now up to your nephew and he knows what this woman is like and should make it clear the past is the past .
Should this woman make a nuisance of herself then your nephew needs professional advice.

Do not pass on any details. This woman is a trouble maker. By getting relatives to pass on her request she is legitimizing her inquiry. She is selfish and just wants what she can get which could be the break up of your nephews marriage. do not be a party to it.

The wisdom of age and experience kicks in here. Your brother shouldn’t conceal this from his son, but make it clear should he hand over the contact detials, under no circumstances should he consider having a relationship with this manipulative, damaging person and the resulting break up of their sons marriage. She isn’t going to just be his friend that’s for sure, she already stuck her kneck out contacting your brother.

I should explain that after my brother talked with his son, my nephew immediately told his wife who was already aware of his history with this woman. Even if this woman does manage to trace him I know he will ignore her, or if she is very unlucky will pass the message on to his wife!

I wouldn't even respond to the ex's request! If your nephew had wanted to keep in touch, he would have ensured she had his contact details.

Definitely trouble with a capital 'T' & a cheeky cow to even get your brother involved!

Ah, I didn’t read your message to say your brother had spoken to him. Sorry, it’s a grubby little secret, proven by the fact that he had to take his son to one side. And why did he do that. Because he knew it was wrong.

She obviously doesn’t have any true feelings for your nephew as she has left him before. She wants contact because she is lonely and believes he will dump his current partner to be with her. If something better comes along she wouldn’t hesitate to leave him again. I would not pass her details on as I would feel partly responsible if anything happened.

I totally agree with paddyann.
But if your brother does pass the message on, then he should pass on the message to his son when his daughter in law is also there. It’s an inappropriate request when your nephew is married and settled.
He should tell them both so that DIL is fully in the picture. Unfortunately it will cause trouble. I know I’d be furious if I was the DIL.
Totally inappropriate for your husband to be off discussing personal stuff with an ex girlfriend and not only that, presumably she is hoping for more.

I think that it was foolish for father to tell son who will now have the 'what if' nagging at the back of his mind and, when things get a little bit frayed as they sometimes do in a marriage, he might be tempted to go on social media to find her. The seed once planted and watered will grow. The father has planted that seed. The son's imagination will do the rest.

Telling his son could cause a marriage break-up and they have children to consider. Would the father like to be responsible for that?
Think about it the other way. FiL telling his daughter about a persistent old flame wanting contact and her sneakily putting her marriage on the line just to see if the old attraction is there.
No no and no.

oopps - meant HASN'T!!!!