Is this acceptable in the 21st century

My husband likes sport especially golf and I can’t stand it do if I’m in he watches it upstairs but I am out a lot. If a soap comes on he leaves the room. I don’t ever have friends in because he doesn’t know many of my friends and it would be awkward.

My other half is only interested in Cooking, Gardening and Neighbours, it's not a problem I let her control the remote and I watch Catch Up with headphones, harmony!.
I learned a long time ago, go with the flow unless it is really important.

Truly shocking how so many women still allow these dinosaur men to dictate about so many areas of their life, makes my blood boil ....

This reminds me of a story my late mother-in-law used to tell us. Her husband used to spend most evenings at the pub and consequently television became her companion. When he came home he used to go straight to the television and change the channel which used to infuriate her. One evening she had a hammer in her hand and when he went over to change the channel she brandished the hammer and told him if he ever did that again she would smash the tv with it. It did the trick and he never did it again. Thankfully my DH doesn't take after his father.

I am shocked at the number of young women who are controlled by partners. It is not something I ever saw with my grandparents or parents. There was a try with me but that was soon quashed and the offending and offensive partner was soon divorced.
I know a young lady who is probably mid 20s and she is so under the control of her partner that she asks permission to buy something costing £1.00 I was shocked but even worse is that I know what the younger lady's job is and I am sure that part of the ethics of that job is not to be bullied by anyone. I wonder what the "higher ups" would say if they knew her home position.

This attitude brought back memories of my own experience. As my children grew older I was able to go back to work and fortunate to get a job that meant on many occasions travel abroad. I had an aunt with a very laid back husband who clearly believed a woman's place was in the home and asked DH if he approved !of his wife (me) leaving him to look after the house and children..?

It seems that the old attitudes applied in the days when the husband was the main wage-earner, and supported the family.
Everyone depended on him and respected his needs.
But now the wife often earns more than the husband, so can have more control of what goes on in the family.
But is this the natural balance?

Not hard to believe at all. Most relationships have a power imbalance with one partner dominant. Some “experts” have argued that in order to succeed in an emotional relationship, you have to be willing to give up (some) control, to let the other person decide what to do and live up to their standards if you want the relationship to continue. I suspect not having any control over what she watches on TV is just the tip of a very large iceberg.

My OH has a habit of grabbing hold of the remote the minute I leave the room. Not proud of this, but I have started hiding it behind the cushions, I can see him looking for it, but don’t let on where it is. We could (and should) get 2 tv’s as we like completely different things. He doesn’t stop me watching what I like, but will moan and comment all the way through, which completely spoils any enjoyment. I watch a lot on my ipad on “catchup” channels

If your an elderly woman happily living on your own there are still some men out there who think you need controlling! They want to make your decisions, tell you how much to spend even make comments about your clothing. None of their business of course but it seems it will take a long time for men to accept that women are equal to them.

Gm29.

It may well be coercive and controlling behaviour this is now an offence and perpetrators can be charged with it. However it will be and has proved to be very difficult to prove and there have been few successful prosecutions. This behaviour can be in any familial relationship AC to elderly parent or vis Versa as well as the more usual male to female relationships. It obviously will be more than “not letting” someone do something and it could be either way in this case as we have very limited facts!
I for example don’t let my DH wear threadbear checked shirts out of the house! If left to himself he would continue to wear clothes until they disintegrated through exhaustion! He gets favourite pieces and won’t let them go. If asked he would probably report that I control his clothing and don’t let him wear what he wants. This is of course partly true! But would be out of context
When I got married I was very careful not to choose a sports fan. I can’t abide watching any kind of sport especially football and did not want inevitable arguments around the hobby. Good luck to those who love sport, but my enduring memory was of my mother (a former junior tennis squad player for GB) during Wimbledon fortnight! She hogged the TV and we all had to creep about the house?

I can't think of anyone I know in this situation although I have a friend who's husband has always controlled whatever decor/furniture they have had over the years. It seems very old fashioned to say 'she's not allowed' but if it's been going on throughout their marriage some may just give in for a quiet life.

My husband and I have completely different tastes in programmes and he will happily sit for hours watching documentaries about the war, Goldrush and the ice truckers. He equally will sit through Emmerdale and Corrie or anything else I wanted to watch - most of the time. As I spend a lot of my spare time sitting in my little office I have the tv on in here and he has the main one. He did watch the wedding with me though and quite enjoyed the celebrity spotting of guests even commenting on their outfits. Neither one of us hogs the remote - sometimes we can't even find it

I’m another who lets her DH have the remote. It’s fine with me as I’m usually doing something else as well as watching tv and we both like the same programmes. It makes him important.

We both tell people we’re not allowed to do stuff. And we’re both lying! When one of us has an idea or wants to do something, it gets discussed and the other then has the right of veto. It does mean that a lot of things don’t ever get done. For instance I want Karndean to replace the worn carpet in the dining room, he wants more carpet. High level discussions have been going on for months (nay years). I think I’m winning. So perhaps its easiest to just defer to the other half! Our neighbour bosses her DH and decides what should be done. Sometimes he puts up a bit of a fight, but mostly not. I think he likes it that way.

Based on my family and friends I think men are basically selfish and will do what suits them in most situations not just television. And women generally give in to them. Also my husband watches programmes I don't like and that's fine by me. But he will criticise if I watch programmes he thinks are stupid. It was years before I let him know I loved Neighbours. Ridiculous. Why do we defer to them?

NfkDumpling
Just get what you want. My husband says he doesn't care about furniture etc but then when I choose something he disagrees, And so it takes years to buy stuff. I just put my foot down recently and don't let him do it.(I'm 66. better late than never) I just assert myself and say that's what we're getting. not open for debate.

Surely it is likely that there is another tv in the home. She probably meant that her husband always wanted to watch something else at the same time but most people haverecorders of some kind even if they don’t have catch up.

Look up the new legislation around Coercive Control.
Women at last have some power over insidious bullying.

Many pubs are advertising big screen showing of the final tonight. Wouldn't your OH prefer to be watching with other fans? I'm sure many women would send them off thankful for the opportunity to watch their own choice of programmes in peace.

My FIL died recently he was a really strict and often very nasty man. He was very hard on my MIL and none of the children had a good life. Since his death my mil has started to do all the things he never let her do, she eats in the living room, has daytime tv on, leaves a dirty mug on the side etc etc, it’s really interesting to watch her be so defiant. You can actually see the look of of mischief in her eyes as she does it. Sorry it’s not really to do with this thread but I have found it very amusing to see.

Apologies - I'm not sure how I got the impression that football came into this discussion!

Unless you have experienced this kind of behaviour you will not be able to understand. Sometimes you don't realise it is happening, and think it's normal. But when you have been with someone a long time what can you do? We were very happy at first and lived together for several years with no problem. Once we had children the balance shifted and "for better or worse" came to the fore. I always hoped it would get better. Until I could drive I was dependent on OH for lifts and sometime he would refuse. An argument would have been futile - so I would walk or catch a bus. Controlling the TV was a minor problem compared to other situations! I have great respect for other couples who have a balanced partnership. We don't all make the right choices in life.

Is this all one sided then, it would appear from the posts that its men who do the controlling. Has anyone any experience if it being the other way round or do we accept
annep's premise that all men are selfish.

My grandmother appeared to control my grandfather! It was certainly a rather odd relationship and I've never fathomed out how my mother arrived on the scene . In fact in both sets of grandparents had dominating women! I'd not come across otherwise until I visited family up north where it was either equal or male dominated. Really interesting

I don’t ever have a problem with DH over the t/v. A couple of glasses of wine with our meal normally does the trick...he falls asleep after and I have complete control???