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Is this acceptable in the 21st century

(111 Posts)
Mauriherb Thu 24-May-18 13:18:21

Sitting in the doctors waiting room, the lady next to me started chatting. I asked her if she watched the royal wedding on Saturday and she shook her head and told me that, although she would have loved to see it, her husband doesn't like the royals so wouldn't let her watch! The shock must have shown on my face as she went on to say that he won't let her watch "strictly " or any of the soaps. I find it hard to believe that in 2018 women are still bullied like this . Am I being unfair ?

craftycarol Fri 25-May-18 10:33:03

I would have been the same, with shock written all over my face! There really is no need for that, is there? As others have said - get two televisions or record the programmes and watch whilst he is at work (or out of the house if retired)

Marianne1953 Fri 25-May-18 10:31:37

After years of moaning about trashy Eurovision Somg contest, my husband suddenly decided he liked it and a wanted to watch and it’s all because my grown daughter is obsessed with it ( does all the parties etc) and it’s fashionable to do it. So this is one programme that I can’t abide and refuse to watch in between all the sci fi programmes I feel I’m made to have on all the time. Anyone these days can record and watch them when their partner is not there. He chose not to.

maddyone Fri 25-May-18 10:29:09

My husband didn’t want to watch the royal wedding, but myself, my mother, and my daughter all wanted to watch, and even my four year old granddaughter wanted to watch. We all watched it together, drinking a little something that was fizzy, and eating scones and jam and cream. DH did something else, not sure what, the garden or washed the cars, or something. He then played football with four year old grandson who was interested at first but became bored with the wedding. Surely that’s how it should be, everyone doing what they enjoy.
Incidentally DH loves quiz programs and sport, I don’t stop him from watching them, as he doesn’t stop me from watching One Born Every Minute, or other programmes I like, and we both watch some programmes together.
And we only moan to each other occasionally about the other’s choice of programme grin .

OurNan Fri 25-May-18 10:27:21

Oh this has made me count my blessings! XDP never once in 8 years “let” me choose the tv programme, and yes he would have objected to the Royal Wedding. Now he’s an X I can watch what I like and yes I did enjoy the wedding, watched it all, on my Tod, with a cake and wine (to toast the happy couple you understand). I wondered why I enjoyed it quite so much!

b1zzle Fri 25-May-18 10:24:32

May I speak up for one of those whose lives are controlled? We're not naturally compliant; we long to rebel, but you soon learn to be quiet when all you get is a mouthful of abuse if you express a preference or an opinion. When leaving isn't an option, it's all you can do not to scream.

OldMeg Fri 25-May-18 06:47:57

Believe it or not, there are women who enjoy being controlled.

Blencathra Fri 25-May-18 06:40:34

She is enabling him. It isn't too late to merely tell him that she is going to watch it and he doesn't have to stay in the room.

jacq10 Thu 24-May-18 23:26:42

Have recently started watching Only Connect as DD will be appearing on it soon! Once DH retired we came to an agreement that he would watch all his sport (anything with a ball that moves) in silence and I listen to the radio or CDs and this has worked for us. He alway said the commentators annoyed him anyway. Most evenings we manage to share some screen time.

MargaretX Thu 24-May-18 21:43:24

GrandmaM I tend to moan a lot if DH is watching something I don't like with too much unnecessary violence.
I hope I'm not controlling and don’t think I am because it makes no difference. He carries on and watches it.
I watch my own stuff on the computer upstairs or play Bridge on my lap top and ignore him.

Beau Thu 24-May-18 21:33:56

We don't get to watch any TV in my 'temporary abode' - my SIL doesn't approve of TV. Once we tried to watch a film so quietly I couldn't really hear it - he texted downstairs to DD to say turn the TV down, it was disturbing his reading - we gave up. Not everyone lives in happy circumstances. I would not tolerate this kind of behaviour but for some reason DD is prepared to.

Elrel Thu 24-May-18 21:23:39

Jalima - I love it and am thrilled if I ever get anything! Once or twice I've even got even a line in the wall that the contestants didn't. So much luck involved in any quiz.

sodapop Thu 24-May-18 20:48:39

Not sure the lady wasn't enabling this behaviour Mauriherb its surely possible to have access to another tv or record things to watch at a different time.

Belgravian Thu 24-May-18 20:39:01

I have also seen the other side when I played golf. Loads of women resented and made it difficult for their husbands to play golf!

I'm not talking about a young man shirking his fatherly duties but older retired men who would play once a week very early Sunday morning or during the week when the wife was getting their hair done or shopping.

The vitriol was bizarre.

GrandmaMoira Thu 24-May-18 20:23:46

My first DH (divorced) didn't ban me from watching things but would moan all through about how could I watch such rubbish and how stupid I must be to like it. If he was out in the evening he would walk in and turn over what I was watching, though I complained and switched it back. Sometimes it is easier to give in than constantly argue/be nagged.

Jalima1108 Thu 24-May-18 20:18:20

grin

I like it!!
even if I don't get much of it

Elrel Thu 24-May-18 20:15:51

She really doesn't like it and doesn't want it on!
I don't think this is anything to do with the presenter!

Elrel Thu 24-May-18 20:14:12

DS doesn't watch Only Connect at home because his partner doesn't get it!

tinaf1 Thu 24-May-18 19:57:24

Agree with Fennel my husband loves all sport and I only like darts and occasional football matches he cannot stand the TV programmes I like usually crime drams from America so we have two TV's and get together to watch what we both like

Jalima1108 Thu 24-May-18 18:20:15

sometimes I even let DH watch Grand Designs

I'm very kind.

TerriBull Thu 24-May-18 17:16:57

I make my husband watch any tv golf coverage out of my earshot. Hope that doesn't constitute controlling behaviour on my part blush

winterwhite Thu 24-May-18 17:01:18

Or maybe just a manner of speaking as someone suggested up-thread. Few of us are at our humourous best in GP surgeries.
I’m sure my DH isn’t the only one to claim that he ‘wasn’t allowed to’ watch some sporting event that clashed with something else, or wear his fearful old scarf and cap if we were out somewhere smart on a cold day.

Day6 Thu 24-May-18 16:58:10

It is hard to believe, isn't it, when women in this day and age don't do their own thing and submit to another.

There is compromise, going along with others for a quiet life, and then there is bullying and control. As Joelsnan mentioned, it can be very difficult to disobey a bully. The fear of violent repercussions must be always there. sad

allsortsofbags Thu 24-May-18 16:50:38

That poor lady. So sad that there are such controlling people about. Age, gender, social status doesn't seem to matter, makes me angry.

BlueBelle Thu 24-May-18 16:34:03

Totally different but I was equally surprised when an aquaintence a young gran with her grandchild of 16 months told me her daughter only let the baby wear long dresses or leggings as ‘ you can’t be too careful these dsy’ When I pointed out that at 16 months she was always with her parents or grandparents she held her ground insisting you can’t be too careful and adding all babies wear leggings now for the same reason
I found this very sad that that little girls legs are always going to be covered up and felt it was a huge over reaction

Joelsnan Thu 24-May-18 13:57:57

stella1949
For those who are in a controlling relationship, standing up to or leaving the perpetrator is often an impossibility, often the control us accompanied by violence, so some are fearful to stay and fearful to go, so become submissive, they rarely 'put up with it'. or happily accept it for 'a quiet life'.