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Potty training

(54 Posts)
dreamspirit Fri 01-Jun-18 13:16:01

Following the head of Ofsted's complaints today that so many children are starting school unable to speak properly, dress themselves or use the loo, I am despairing of one of my grandsons, age 3 1/2, who absolutely will not countenance getting out of nappies. My daughter has tried just about everything: left him naked (he just pees where he stands), bought him spiderman pants etc. (he puts them on over his nappy), tried putting him on the potty (he just gets off it), and so on. My daughter has always said, quite rightly, that he'll do it 'when he's ready', and I know that trying to force the issue can be completely counterproductive, but time is marching on and I'm just wondering if anyone has any brilliant suggestions!

harrigran Fri 01-Jun-18 13:37:15

I would suggest one of those potties that play music or applaud when they perform but at three and a half he should be using the big toilet with a training seat.
It is all well and good to say when he is good and ready but it is not socially acceptable to pee on the floor.
Reward chart perhaps, a sticker for a wee in the potty and a gift after N number of stickers.

maryeliza54 Fri 01-Jun-18 14:02:52

I would seriously suggest going on MN and searching for potty/ toilet training threads. There are loads of them, stuffed full of good advice. FWIW my younger dgs at 3.6 was trained in four or five days and graduated within that time to using the toilet - the potty we had bought to use here never was.

Luckygirl Fri 01-Jun-18 15:14:04

Jelly tots - one for a wee two for a poo - works like a charm!

dreamspirit Fri 01-Jun-18 15:16:10

Thanks guys, very helpful. I think my daughter's tried all types of bribery, but I'll pass on your tips (well, not directly, you understand - these things have to be approached obliquely, don't they?!). Meanwhile, encouraging on MN: good tips there, and the same advice as usual from other mums with boys (always boys) in the same boat taking encouragement from yet more mums who've cracked it eventually. Same old mantra: don't panic, they will get it in the end. Hopefully before university.

stella1949 Fri 01-Jun-18 16:05:50

Is there a Dad in the picture? If so, I feel if he took DGS to the toilet and did a " show and tell" session it might help a lot.

My son was about that age and still in nappies - my husband got him trained in a couple of days by simply taking him along to see his father " go". My husband talked about how " boys and men do it like this" and DS soon got the idea.

M0nica Fri 01-Jun-18 16:15:07

My DMiL taught the reception class in her local big village school from 1945-1975. I remember her talking about children starting school who had never held a pen, seen a book, eaten with cutlery and who had in her words been 'talked at, talked over and talked through, but never talked to' and had all the problems of starting school with limited vocabulary that the head of Ofsted mentioned. nothing new about it at all.

Tea and cake Fri 01-Jun-18 17:36:53

Bribery, pure and simple! Star chart, treats, etc. Lots of excited cheers and claps for results. Frequent reminders to use toilet/potty. I appreciate they won't work for everyone but worked like a charm for me!

phoenix Fri 01-Jun-18 18:26:21

You say he will not countenance getting out of nappies, so has you daughter tried leaving the nappy on, and on, and on? Surely at some point it would get uncomfortable?

Does he go to nursery, playgroup, mothers and toddlers etc? If he does and enjoys it, try the "it's only for big boys who use the potty/toilet".

Is he still insisting on nappies for bowel movements?

nanaK54 Fri 01-Jun-18 18:55:02

The 'eric' website has some great tips and hints

As for speech problems - the wait for SALT (Speech and Language Therapy) is currently at 15 months in my corner of the world

merlotgran Fri 01-Jun-18 18:57:53

We used to do the jelly tot bribe as well as singing nursery rhymes in order. They had to guess which one they'd be singing when doing a wee/poo.

Moneyboss Fri 01-Jun-18 19:01:42

Has your daughter tried pull ups, similar to nappies but easy for him to pull down to use the loo.
Also these training balls look like fun:

BlueBelle Fri 01-Jun-18 19:09:22

I do think the reason more children go to school not knowing how to use the toilet is down in part to the modern idea of potty training later and later than we (who used terries did) I potty trained my children early and all the grandkids have been in knickers or pants by 18 months they don’t even start till 3 now ( not meaning your daughter dream ) but that seems to be the modern trend encouraged by community nurses etc to do it much later than we did
One of my granddaughters who I was baby sitting at 18 months surprised me by weeing on her potty picking it up emptying in the loo and pulling the chain ?
I think the dad and tot weeing together is a great idea he might like to miss the potty out and have one of those loo steps

missdeke Sat 02-Jun-18 09:19:35

I think disposable nappies have a lot to answer for. If terry nappies had to be boil washed until a child was starting school..............?

Blackcat3 Sat 02-Jun-18 09:27:33

Your grandsons potty training aside....don’t you think part of the problem lies in the fact that children used to start school in the Term after their 5 th they start school so much earlier.....there is a huge pressure to do every thing for the complaint that they can’t write or say the alphabet....isn’t that what schools for! Of course it’s fun to teach kids a bit before school, but do parents have to to everything!

Millie8 Sat 02-Jun-18 09:49:50

If he's definitely doing it deliberately and there is no medical problem a similar remedy to Poenix might work - put him in pants and leave them on when they are wet.

NemosMum Sat 02-Jun-18 10:02:51

dreamspirit has your daughter talked to her Health Visitor?

Hm999 Sat 02-Jun-18 10:14:38

The good news is that once he decides to do it, he'll be trained in a day. Good luck.

Grampie Sat 02-Jun-18 10:34:07

stella1949 has the most effective answer.

It is for the father to potty train his son by his fine examples.

Please let us know how you solve this

anitamp1 Sat 02-Jun-18 10:35:49

Summers coming. How about waiting till we get a week of good weather and putting little paddling pool in garden? Let him run around nappyless but with potty next to it. I did this with my son when he was 2 and he was potty trained in a week. We had a lovely happy week and it takes the pressure off accidents and upsets.

Hm999 Sat 02-Jun-18 11:02:00

I can't find anything about the Head of OFSTED and teaching children to write or say the alphabet. I thought she was saying that school time was being wasted as more children are coming into Reception not untoilet-trained.

lollee Sat 02-Jun-18 11:02:10

Most children will go along with what they are used to if they are never shown the proper/better way. Their little minds do not stop one day and think 'oh I shouldn't be wearing this big fat wadding around me now I am a big boy/girl'. Children mostly have to be taught everything though they do pick up a lot by imitating, the bad stuff too. So, i agree with the poster who suggested toilet visits with daddy and i do not believe in 'they will do it when they are ready'. Both mine were toilet trained by 18 months. I can almost hear the sniggers of disbelief, my own kids don't believe it, but it is true. I had the advantage of being a stay at home mum who didn't drive so it was relatively easy. They were both spring babies so by their second summer were able to run around without nappies in house and garden with a potty always on hand.
Nowadays parents do not have the time (or sometimes inclination) to teach children the basics like table manners, pronunciation, reading and so forth. It is such a shame. Please can I ask that if you wish to criticise my post could you do it kindly as I do not feel I have said anything to warrant a nasty retort.

Nanny27 Sat 02-Jun-18 11:11:21

Tbh, if the little boy is 3 I wouldn't still be buying nappies for him to wear (during the day). He really should be in pants by now with a little pile of clean ones in the loo for him to go and change into if he has an accident. If he is given the responsibility he might just rise to the challenge but definitely no option of nappies.

muffinthemoo Sat 02-Jun-18 11:14:52

I have tried all the helpful suggestions from the internet etc amd and have finally told my two that when we move shortly, they can have the downstairs toilet all to themselves and the nappies are just not being made available during the day. I feel a bathroom for your Pampers is a very fair accommodation!

The eldest got round my refusing to change her by... just doing it herself, wipes and nappy bag and all hmm

I mean I admire her problem solving skills but I am officially out of patience!!

Matelda Sat 02-Jun-18 11:15:48

I had three sons and none of them trained until they were three. They were intelligent boys and each one had to think this through themselves - no problems after they figured out the advantages. One of them needed to be toilet trained for nursery school, and he dirtied two nappies the day before he was due to start. I was in despair! But he loved going to nursery and these were the last nappies I ever had to deal with.