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Christmas 😂

(20 Posts)
Newbiedoobie Thu 19-Jul-18 12:47:24

Yes Christmas has been brought up already! DS and DIL have spent alternate Xmas with us and her family and New Year the opposite way round, ie we have them for Xmas or new year each year. Everyone seems happy with that. Now we have a DGS a lot has been said that ‘first’ Xmas will be with DIL family, but that’s ok with us, our time will come ....or maybe not. DS has now said they might have DIL family to them this Xmas and we could either go for dinner, bringing some parts of it or just call round, then they will go to DIL family for new year and then the next year they might spend with DIL family. As it wasn’t our Xmas I’ve already made arrangements with our parents to come to us and it seems like I’m being offered a shared/part Xmas and missing our turn altogether. I’ve said if they want a Xmas on their own I’m happy with that, but this is a change to every Xmas with DIL family. If that’s what they want I would rather them come out and be honest, DIL family have been given priority with DGS so far, but I’m a lot more accepting of this now (it was very upsetting in the early days) , and to be honest I’ve realised that if they don’t care about visiting etc being fair, I just can’t keep dwelling on it. I’m just getting on with our life and seeing DGS when I’m allowed to. So would you point all this out to DS or just go along with it like it’s all ok? I kind of think they think I’m stupid and they are just manipulating the situation, selling as a ‘you’ll get to see him on his first Xmas this way’, I’ve never said that was an issue for me.

TerriBull Thu 19-Jul-18 13:46:02

I wouldn't dwell on it at all, it's July for heaven's sake shock Christmas is really one day a year, two if you want to include Boxing Day. Occasionally we've had our gc on Christmas Day, more often it's Boxing Day, some people don't get to see theirs at all, various reasons overseas, estrangement. We are paternal grandparents, and yes often that means second down the pecking order. However, I see no point in getting too hung up about Christmas Day itself, offspring will do whatever suits them you can't hold them hostage to alternate Christmas' with you it's not worth the angst. Enjoy the summer and the time you do spend with your grandchild.

Newmom101 Thu 19-Jul-18 14:05:04

I read it as they were sort of trying to 'share' this Xmas so you all got to see DGS on his first Xmas, then next year they would be with DILs family, then presumably it would be you the year after and the alternate years would continue? If you've already asked your parents to visit could you not take them to visit DSs family with you?

If it's important to you and you're worrying over it then I'd just ask him for clarification. If not then I'd leave it for a couple of months, it's july, lots of things change between now and Xmas!

Eglantine21 Thu 19-Jul-18 14:16:11

Personally I think that once AC have children of their own, Christmas should always be at their house with grandparents visiting. Young children wantChristmas at their own home, not to be taken off to someone else, even a grandparent, and it’s time for that family to be building their own traditions and memories.

I’d be encouraging them to stay at home with visitors from now on.

Rufus2 Thu 19-Jul-18 14:17:09

I wouldn't dwell on it at all, it's July for heaven's sake shock
Terribull; What's wrong with that?
Have you heard of our "Christmas in July"? It's big business here in OZ.
Most pubs and restaurants hold full Christmas dinner menus at times during July, turkey or whatever, pud, mince pies etc. The lot. No Father Christmases yet; I think that's stretching it a bit! He's left to the departmental stores for December. Pensioners love it
So do the caterers! As with Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day, the prices go "North". sad
Sounds a bit too bizarre perhaps to be in your mid-summer, but remember we have the real thing in our mid-summer.
Might be worth giving the idea a go!
Merry (virtual ) Christmas! grin
Cheers

M0nica Thu 19-Jul-18 14:42:11

Nothing personal, but I getting really fed up with these endless threads from bickering grandmothers.

Leave all the decision making to DGC's parents. Go along with whatever they suggest. Stop constantly obsessing with which grandparent has access when and for how long and find something else to occupy your time and life.

The best way to alienate your family is to be constantly jockeying for position.

FlexibleFriend Thu 19-Jul-18 14:51:02

When I first got married we decided we'd go nowhere at Christmas and we'd have no visitors either, we'd spend it alone. I had no parents anyway and my then Husband had just his mum, we agreed to go to her on Boxing day and that's the way it stayed. I've never understood all the travelling here there and everywhere at Christmas. These days my Sons + girlfriends and wives come to me some time over Christmas but it's not an issue, they should do as they please and I'll do the same. Really it's not worth stressing about. I think you're more bothered about being excluded rather than it being Christmas and if so suggest a completely different time for them to come to you for a special Lunch, any day you fancy and make it as special as they want. Make it something they want to do, something they wouldn't want to miss. My suggestion is be flexible they won't want to feel as if they're being pulled in any direction. Meantime make your own plans and be a bit non committal when they offer crumbs just say you'll have to see if you're free. Don't be manipulated but don't be confrontational about it either.

Glitterknitbaby Thu 19-Jul-18 16:14:10

I’ve never been able to understand this big fuss about families having to be together for the 25th December when there is a whole week of Christmas. Like you FlexibleFriend I said the same when I first got a home of my own as children want to settle down with new toys and not be dragged off visiting. I’ve had friends who have loaded uyp the car and driven from down South to Yorkshire in freeze ups and blizzards to be with family on the 25th often not thinking of the dangers of being out in such weather. I say to my children you can come when you like over the holiday we always have plenty of food, just let me know. Right now one of my DILs is getting all excited,yes in July, that she will be having her six month old Grandson on Christmas Day, she said how she worked it this way by sending my Grandaughter to her new in laws last Christmas, but she has seen this little one every day since he was born.
I might pull a fast one this year and do my own thing by going away with the OH and leaving them all to it!!

MawBroon Thu 19-Jul-18 16:53:59

I don’t think anybody should be srtressing about the C word in July.
The emotional baggagecwhich accompanies it is a minefield and should not need addressing until at least October.
Ask me again then.
(Off to eat a creme egg and a hot cross bun)

rubytut Thu 19-Jul-18 17:04:21

I agree with Eglantine, much easier in the childrens` own homes and building their own traditions.

eazybee Thu 19-Jul-18 17:18:37

Younger people seem to spend most of the Christmas holiday travelling between parents, and sometimes New Year as well; two families I knew had to split: father to his parents and mother to hers because neither side would agree to do Christmas alternately.
Accept that your daughter in law is trying to arrange a chance for both sides of the family to be with the new grandchild on Christmas Day, and stop stressing about what will happen in 2019. They will want to make their own family traditions.

luluaugust Thu 19-Jul-18 17:47:50

Oh dear only July!! a lot could happen between now and December, looking at what you have done up to now I think change is inevitable, taking a small child out for Christmas and New Year - not sure the parents will want to do that if you are near by. It does sound as if your DIL is trying to include you on Christmas Day I assume that DGS is quite small, I would take them up on their offer. Who knows what will be happening by Christmas 2019, lets not go there yet.

Niobe Thu 19-Jul-18 19:15:04

This Xmas will be the first one for our new grandson and all the grandparents know that from now on Xmas will be at his house and we are welcome to dinner there. Exactly as rubytut and Eglantine suggested.

Rufus2 Fri 20-Jul-18 13:38:05

Nothing personal, but I getting really fed up with these endless threads from bickering grandmothers.

Monica; Hooray; Grandads are not in the "x-hairs" to-day. grin
Sounds as if you'll be a supporter of my proposed GripesNet Forum?
Cheers

stella1949 Fri 20-Jul-18 14:14:14

I agree with rubytut and Eglantine - once they have children, all the rules about Christmas should change and the young family should be able to stay at their home.

I always hated having to drag the children away from their home, to visit our parents. It was like a Royal Visit , such a big fuss and Mum would make a big thing of the meal....I cringe to think of it. By the end of the day we'd all be exhausted.

Let the young family make their own traditions and enjoy the day. You've got the other 364 days to enjoy their company - don't make a big thing of this one day. And don't compete with the other grandparents - it always ends badly.

NfkDumpling Fri 20-Jul-18 18:00:35

We decided that, with three DC it would all get far too complicated so we would have our family gathering at Easter. Four guaranteed days, better weather and Easter egg hunts. No challenges for time from the other families.

At Christmas anyone who wants to come to lunch on Boxing Day maybe preceded by a walk on the beach, is welcome and we usually end up with two families out of the three and usually one at least on Christmas Day, or we get an invite. We never see DD1 as they live three hours away and prefer to spend the day with close friends.

It nearly backfired for the first time last Christmas when everyone was going elsewhere, but worked out in the end with an invite to join DD2 and all SiLs family for Christmas Day and DS and family appearing for Boxing Day lunch and DD2 and family later on.

Relax and go with the flow!

Melanieeastanglia Fri 20-Jul-18 19:52:16

A lot can happen between now and Christmas and I wouldn't worry about seeing grandchild on a specific day. As long as you see him reasonably regularly and can form a happy relationship with him, I'd be happy. Keeping score will only lead to bitterness and unhappiness.

If you fall out with your son and his wife over this, you might find you see less of your grandson generally. Is it really worth it.

muffinthemoo Fri 20-Jul-18 21:52:26

Eglantine’s advice is well founded.

I had to enforce (sorry for the word choice but mum and MIL are horrendous about holidays) that rule when eldest was born as she was a week old, I was still ill after postpartum complications and also, b*gger all that, I’m an adult and a mother and can decide where to eat my dinner in peace.

Christmases have been absolutely transformed by this and now DH and I really enjoy the day.

Anyone and I do mean anyone is welcome to visit, I only ask you let me know if you want a full dinner or will be happy with the other hospitality I can offer. Just to make sure I have enough food.

BlueBelle Sat 21-Jul-18 06:40:21

Oh for crying out loud enjoy the summer without even thinking about the winter (I can’t bring myself to say the dreaded word) the thought of all this arranging around who goes where in six months time, leaves me cold

I agree with MOnica all this granny competition is really silly just enjoy your life with whatever is given you

NfkDumpling Sat 21-Jul-18 07:33:10

If the OP has already asked parents to lunch why not suggest that all of them pile into the car after lunch and go round to see the new baby - wherever it is - for tea? Christmas in a house crammed to the gunwales with people is the best!

I agree with the others that once children have appeared on the scene it’s best they spend Christmas Day in their own home.