Adopted Grandchild

I'm sure there are books/articles online that would help you prepare. A 2 year old may behave in a way you may not expect - hopefully you will know his circumstances ahead of meeting. He'll have been formed by his experiences. I'm not into others children but I have a feeling you'll feel very protective. Having a baby did something to my hormones permanently- I almost feel it physically when I see or hear of cruelty to children.

Stop worrying, clearly, you are already biased against this new young child, get over it and accept the situation and go with the flow.

Your usual kind response to a problem I notice mabon1

When my DS and DIL married, she already had a son. We love him, as does my son, as our own and that love has grown stronger over the years. An adopted grandson is the same and I am sure that you will come to love him before too long. Happy grand parenting

The fact that you are concerned about the bonding shows you have feelings for thus little boy already. You wouldn't be writing this if you didn't care.

Try and stay in the now and enjoy the build up and getting things ready with her. That why you will feel part of it all

gillybob - I agree with mabon1 and don’t think her advise is anything other than kindly meant

Maboni not the best way to respond.

narrowboatnan
gillybob is right, mabon1 never says anything kind. Check out some of 'her' other posts, they're almost exclusively nasty, as is this latest one!

Ha ha ha narrowboatman "kindly meant" ? You must be having a laugh !

Thank you Juggernaut I thought maybe it was only me who could see it.

Oh no gillybob, you're far from alone in your opinion of mabon1.
I assume 'she' exists purely to 'piss on our grass'!
Oops, showing a dreadful lack of breeding and manners there. I'm jealous, I want a pm telling me off too, it's most unfair that you get preferential treatment

I was in tears reading your comment. My tears were for the little boy. Why has he no birthmother to look after him? . She may love him but circumstances out of her control may have forced her to have him adopted.
I believe it may take time so do not expect the love, you have for your own GD to come immediately you have an adopted GS and you may find GD will be jealous of her new brother. I have no knowledge concerning Adoption Services but I am sure you are not the first or last to feel as you are feeling that they must come up against and they could be the ones to assist you with your feelings . Be happy for your daughter and support her as she too may be having the same feelings as you. As for GD ? I have no doubt who will be ' boss' once her new brother arrives.

My daughter adopted two children a few years ago. Siblings of 1 and 2 years old. Girl and boy. (now just five and six) I also have 3 and one on the way birth grandchildren and interestingly don't feel differently about the adopted ones. As people have said you grow to love them. The inlaws have no other grandchildren just the adopted ones and they adore them!!! Really see them as the same as natural grandchildren and were so proud when they arrived and showed them off everywhere. I help with the adopted ones a lot. All my grandchildren have their own personalities and are a joy to get to know. AND hard work sometimes!!!! LOL
I was slightly worried before the adopted children arrived but am also worried about this new baby.........it did take a while to get to know their third child but we are all close now.

Er, this isn't about you...

What a horrible response mabon1, have you no understanding or compassion?

Please, do look on the bright side of this.

I was four when my parents adopted my sister, who was 3 months at the time. I don't remember being jealous at all, she was my sister right from the start.

Later I realised that my paternal grandparents had had the same reservations as you, or at least Grannie did, although I honestly never realised she had had them. I do remember being a little hurt that Grandpa was so fond of my sister! My maternal grandmother and aunt treated us alike from the word go.

I didn't always get on with my sister, but I certainly would not have wanted to be without her.

So please encourage your granddaughter to see this little boy as her brother and all the best to you all.

I think you will find he will 'grow on you' and you will grow to love him, lets face it 2 year olds are adorable anyway! Just give yourself time to get to know him, and he you.

We welcomed a step-GC into our family about a year ago. He is older (7), has had a lot of changes and upsets in his young life and has some behavioural problems, though he is also very bright. At first I was not sure if I even liked him and he was very wary of us. But he is relaxing and mellowing as he accepts his new 'family' status - a new baby has recently been added to his family, which he adores - and his behaviour is improving. We treat him just the same as all our other grandchildren. It's still early days for him and us but I'm sure in time we will love him, after all he's just a little boy.

Lyndiloo - your letter could have been written by me four years ago. Now - we just love him so much and get the love returned many times over. We don't think of him as adopted now. He is just our youngest grandchild. He is off to school in September and we will miss our weekly days with him but we have watched him grow in confidence and become great friends with his boy cousins. Yes, his sister did need to be very much included in everything because he was almost a year old when he arrived and she was five so she didn't actually get the "baby" brother she hoped for. Mummy and Daddy made very sure she didn't feel pushed out and the two children adore each other. I wholeheartedly wish you our experience and that you will look back, like us, and know your doubts although very natural, have all disappeared.

Hi, I’m new here. Came across this after checking out hair removal cream would you believe?! But so interested in these comments as hopefully am soon to become a first time Gran. My son and his same sex fiancée are just starting the adoption process, they are so excited. I am trying to be, but have so many worries. They are a devoted couple in their mid thirties and have been together for over 7 years, both work in child related professions so no worries about their abilities. It’s just the worry of people re-acting to the ‘two dads,’ thing and also, I’m 70 and it’s a long time since I had any children ‘experience ‘!! Any advice welcome.

I think the fact you are worried shows what a caring person you are. He’s lucky to have such a grandmother and you will look back and wonder why you worried.

Lyndiloo, My parents were very dubious about us adopting, having old-fashioned attitudes (1967) but they quickly grew to love her as much as our natural-born child.
I now have three grandchildren, and none of them is a blood relation to me. Two are from my adopted daughter. The other was conceived from a donor egg, with IVF, when my other daughter had fertility problems. I love them all dearly, and rarely think about them not being part of my 'natural' family. I am just very grateful that I am their Granny.
I'm sure that you will soon feel the same way about your new little grandson, and wish you lots of happiness.

Go along with your son and his fiance rosieroot. If they are excited so should you be. I can appreciate why you may have concerns but it is their life and their choice. Enjoy the experience of becoming a gran. There are bound to be ups and downs but try not to worry until there is actually something to worry about - and then deal with it. (1) 'Two dads' or 'two mums' are becoming quite commonplace these days so that's one worry out of the way and (2) Being an older grandma can be tiring but it's great to watch a little one blossom and grow. Good luck to you and the new family

The family will be on 'lockdown' for at least 2 weeks according to adoption guidelines. No contact with outsiders other than adoptive parents/siblings.

You will be able to FaceTime them. When you do,get to meet him, you will be advised no hugging or physical contact at the beginning.

These guidelines are so that the child can bond with their new family and not get confused by meeting others (due to the fact that they could have had numerous foster families along with a traumatic birth family). They need to realise that they are now with a permanent family and trust and bond with them.

Play by his rules, let him get to know you, and as you both get to know each other and he settles into his chosen family I am sure the love will grow in abundance.

Wishing you well ???

All good advice above. Go with it!

Give it time, I didn’t drool or bond with either of my biological children or my two biological GC immediately- I grew into a protective mummy tiger!