Adopted Grandchild

I work with Cared for Children as a humble Passenger Assistant. We transport children of all ages from dot to 16ish and I have to say there are some I love to bits and others that I would rather not be around. However, a baby I have not taken to often softens my heart although older unpleasant children with attitude I can never take to although I never show it and do try my best to befriend them. Often the tougher the kids, the easier I find to get through to them, they seem to respect my brand of discipline and no nonsense and will often open up to me. Sorry to rattle on, all I can say is to echo the very first reply which sounded spot on to me.

Lyndiloo....we have adoptive children in our family and it all worked out well, in fact we are a fine example of blood not being thicker than water! It does all come out for the best. It might take a little time but just take your cue from your daughter and support her, familiarity will do a lot and love is contagious. All the best.

Of course you're wondering how you'll feel, you've never been in this position before. However, your last sentence tells me that you will do whatever is needful to make this little child feel loved and that's what matters for now.
Well done for supporting your daughter in spite of your misgivings.

You already care about his feelings - so you are half way there! It will be difficult - he will be unsettled as the poor little mite has had no stability - but I believe you already understant that so I suspect all will be well. Take each day as it comes.

I understand how you feel, because I felt that too at first.
But now I can honestly say that I love my adopted grandchildren just as much as my blood grandchildren.
In time, it just doesn't make any difference. Adoption can be a wonderful thing. I do hope it works out wonderfully for all of you.

Just imagine how the little boy will be feeling. He's only 2 and this is another change in his life. You will surely want to contribute to making him a happy and in doing so you will find yourself loving him and making him part of the family. Yes, the 4 year old might be a bit jealous - just as siblings are likely to be, but she'll get used to having him around and if our GC are anything to go by will bicker and love him too!

That should say Love grows. Goodness knows what this pad is on!

To be honest some of us don’t feel that overwhelming rush of love that others get when seeing their natural grandchild.

For me it came as I cared for them and watched them grow. A development of love if you like.

I’m like that in my adult relationships too. Let everyone grows if you let it.

“Love isn’t something wonderful that you feel, it’s something wonderful that you do.”

'fake it till you make it' is a new phrase for me, sheltered life or what. It's great advice and as everyone else has said, its almost certain you will fall in love with this little one. It's so good to read that this is the route your daughter and her husband have chosen.

Exactly my thoughts ' fake it till you make it' and you will find it all works out well. How lovely to soon be welcoming this little chap into your family- focus on the joy he will bring.

Worried you will not love him? - you will.

There are adopted children (now grown) in our family. We love them - they are family.

Please don’t overthink this before he arrives
I m not a baby drooler either but I ll tell you what I bet the first time that little chap touches your face, holds your finger tightly and smiles at your face he will be yours and given time no one will know the difference please don’t imagine problems that will most probably never ever arrive
A wise friend who use to long term foster little ones who’d been in very dire family situations told me that after the first nappy change they were hers
Many natural mothers worry about bonding it doesn’t always happen instantly but it will happen if you allow it
Lastly do not worry about your granddaughter he will be her brother she will know no difference
Enjoy your family

I think you should stop stressing about it Lyndiloo and just go with the flow. Stop thinking about the adoption factor and just concentrate on the fact that you have a new grandchild. Don't forget the child will soon pick up on any negative vibes.
I was rejected by my adoptive maternal grandparents obviously many years ago now but we both lost out because of it. Don't let this happen to you, your family needs your support.

Your sentence in brackets suggests you are alreay on the road to bonding with him.Dont worry about it.You care and that is important.

Excellent adviceChaos,
Unfortunately not all children are quite so lovable as others but if we have a genetic link we have an inbuilt tie that predisposes us to love them.
You have already said that you will follow Chaos’s advice so I’m sure it will work out well.
My friend has 2 adopted GC and she had similar worries. All is fine now.

Love obviously wont be instantaneous, but I am inclined to think that it will grow. Treat him exactly as you do the others, and "fake it 'til you make it"!