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What should my answer be?

(26 Posts)
Lilylaundry Fri 10-Aug-18 13:41:18

My lovely, gentle natured, grand daughter solemnly asked me -

'Gran, when your time comes, do you want planting in the garden next to the dead cat then you can keep each other company, or crucifying at the crematorium?'

I said I would have a think about that one. Oh dear!

Doodle Fri 10-Aug-18 13:42:55

Nothing wrong with forward planning grin

mcem Fri 10-Aug-18 14:01:55

Not unlike my DGD (8) who liked a particular piece of silver jewellery and asked if she could please have it when I die!
Of course I said yes but hoped she'd be patient.

Lilylaundry Fri 10-Aug-18 14:04:55

Don't think I would mind being planted next to the dead cat, its the crucifying option which is making my eyes water confused.

SueDonim Fri 10-Aug-18 14:07:00


When our cat died, my then-6yo grandson commiserated with us, because he was so sad. Then his face suddenly brightened up and he asked 'Buried or burnt???'.

They're so direct and to the point, aren't they! smile

midgey Fri 10-Aug-18 14:07:33

You just have to love them don’t you!

lemongrove Fri 10-Aug-18 14:25:31

grin lily
Mind you, it depends how old your DGD is....6 or 16?

Lilylaundry Fri 10-Aug-18 14:31:54

Nearer six. Older and waving a copy of my will and insurance policy I would start to worry a bit. hmm

grannyqueenie Fri 10-Aug-18 14:38:32

My very sweet, but at time searingly honest, 9 year old gd likes to look through my jewellery box. She always mentions that her other grandma has promised that, when she dies, gd will have this that and the other from the box. Gd has so far stopped short of telling me what she has her eye on out of my assorted collection.....I’m hoping that’s because she thinks I’m too young to be going any time soon!

OldMeg Fri 10-Aug-18 14:49:52

Yes, mine have got my bits and bobs divvied up between them already. They are quite happy to ask ‘nana, can I have your xxx when you die.’ 🤨

M0nica Fri 10-Aug-18 15:03:09

We have often discussed this in a light hearted way. At least having discussed it in advance there is less likely to be any upsets when we have gone. I think it is also a way of accepting that the death of a parent/grandparent will occur and seeing the compensations.

My sister was killed in road accident when DC were 15/17. It was a shock for everyone and when we were discussing the break-up of her home, she was single, I discovered later that my DC had gone round our home working out what each of them wanted in it. I think it was a coping mechanism because it was the first untimely death they had ever had to deal with

muffinthemoo Fri 10-Aug-18 15:59:36

I think you should definitely rule out crucifixion 🤣

sodapop Fri 10-Aug-18 16:17:33

Young children are so matter of fact about this subject, that's why its best to be honest with them when there is a death in the family.
I would stick with the dead cat option Lilylaundry 😊

annodomini Fri 10-Aug-18 16:34:28

Tell her you want a nice shrub or tree planted over you and the cat. She will then be seen perusing garden catalogues!

phoenix Fri 10-Aug-18 17:09:07

even before she dies, I discovered that my much love Grandmother had stuck little pieces of paper to the underside of various ornaments with the names of the intended recipients on them.

I still have a vase that I remember admiring while very young, the piece of paper is still attached to the bottom of it, but the vase now has quite a bad chip, thanks to Sprout and his swishy tail!

paddyann Fri 10-Aug-18 17:22:08

our 9 year old is very matter of fact about death ...her othe GM owns care homes so she's quite used to people being there one day and not the next .Her great aunt died last year and we were amazed at how philosophical she was about it ,she sat with auntie the night before she died and said it was probably time she died as she was very sick and very tired .
So when our cat was killed 3 weeks ago it was no surprise that she wanted all the grisly details and was quite prepared to go get a replacement the next day
.Thats not happening ....not anytime soon .

Jalima1108 Fri 10-Aug-18 18:12:15


Well, 3 year old DGD told me very matter-of-factly that her other Grandad was in heaven with the cat, they were looking after each other.
I didn't like to remind her that he didn't like cats.

annodomini Fri 10-Aug-18 18:48:48

When someone asked DGD, then about 5, if her dead chicken had gone to heaven, she gave the questioner a pitying look and stated, 'No, daddy wrapped it in a black bag and put it in the bin.'

Luckygirl Fri 10-Aug-18 18:53:38

My DGD often asks when we are going to die as you are "very old."

1974cookie Fri 10-Aug-18 19:22:58

I agree with Doodle. nothing wrong with forward planning.
I like the idea of being asked where you want to rest.
I like that your Granddaughter has thought about your feelings, and as such has asked where you would want to be.
I guess though that she wants you to be buried next to your Cat. Sounds to me that she worries about losing you and wants you to have a much loved companion with you when your time finally comes so that you will not be alone. She Loves You, so it makes a lot of sense.

Lilylaundry Fri 10-Aug-18 19:53:19

You could be right 1947 cookie. Grand daughter and I get along very well, We sort of look after each other's welfare. I love it, she is even learning the words to my favourite song, Annie's Song, although she thinks is about a million years old but nice for old people like me! grin

Jalima1108 Fri 10-Aug-18 20:31:33

I did mention at lunch-time what I wanted to happen to me - then came home and saw this thread!

Not next to the hamsters buried in the garden, that's for sure.

Greengal Sat 11-Aug-18 02:11:55

Oh, Lily, that's so sweet and precious. I think you handled it perfectly.

Is it common in your family to be cremated? Or is there a cemetery where most family members are buried? Not my business, I know, but what I'm leading up to is, if this topic comes up again, GD's parents may want to talk to her about how your family usually does things.

Willow10 Sat 11-Aug-18 08:33:40

After a particularly difficult year, I gave myself a birthday present of a small wrist tattoo which reads ' This too, shall pass'. I proudly showed it off to my 25 year old granddaughter and she said ' Oh Nan, what's this? An end-of-life crisis?'

Charming! I'm 71 not 101!

Lilylaundry Sat 11-Aug-18 11:30:51

Greengal most of my family have either been buried in a church yard (grand parents mostly), others cremated. I want a woodland burial and someone to read Pam Ayres poem about not being buried in a gloomy church yard but in a place sheltered from the cold in some leafy loom.

What's good for one may not be so good for the next but I want to have a tree planted (hazel nut - cos I just love hazel nuts) by the side of me.

Good job I started saving a long time ago for my last trip!!!