Behaviour of dgd

janeainsworth
Who are you to tell another poster to ignore what I wrote...eh?
My view is just as valid and is just that, my view. What worked for your, my or anyone elses children, matters not a jot.
To expect all young children to keep to a timetable at 5 years old is in my view, ridiculous and as for winding down after lunch...that's for old ladies, not children with energy to burn.
If you think my reply was rude, you have no idea what rude is.
BTW, it is typical of teachers to 'organise'.

North Yorkshire is beautiful. Lots to do for all ages!!

sorry Chinesecrested I don’t agree with that at all to put a child of 5 nearly 6 on reins is humiliating, and cruel and will only make her more angry or upset

I would still like Ethel to say if the daughters partner is the child’s father or a newer relationship as that can have a lot of bearing on a child’s behaviour

hatpev - hatty town? Hatfield Peverel?

I'd bring out the reins again if she's running away. Or put her in the seat on the trolley. She won't like it but she's old enough to understand that choices (to be naughty) have consequences

GabriellaG Typical teacher idea...dreadful. Today 12:05 GabriellaG That was for hatpev

Don’t take any notice hatpev. It’s fairly typical of Gabriella’s rude responses to anything she disagrees with.
Your idea made sense to me. My DGS(7) has just been to stay for a week with my DS and my DD and her two children(7 and 4), so it had the potential to be fairly chaotic.
What worked was to tell the children well in advance what the day’s plans were, they could then have a clear picture of what we were going to be doing, and they were all surprisingly cooperative.

I honestly honestly don’t mean this in a nasty way, but this is what happens when you have children, some times your holiday will be spoilt. Unfortunately family holidays will mainly be centred around the children, it’s the way it goes. Maybe if you think it at all possible you could have your granddaughter over a weekend so your daughter and her husband can have a couple of nights away doing what they would like to do. I know it doesn’t seem fair but children take a lot of entertaining and I think if she’s bored then she will play up more

Yes confused too by 4 coming up 6?typo error maybe? Could be any number of things- but is she like this rest of time?if so maybe a chat with gp may help? If not could be holiday- could be bored its her hols too!

It sounds very much like your GD is unsettled by the changes around her.
It might be an idea for your DD to set a routine that she can hold to, breakfast, teeth, dress, read a book/quiet play, a trip out after plenty of warning, lunch, etc then a gentle wind down toward bedtime.
I'd suggest, where possible, to ignore the tantrums, and act as though they never happened, unless of course she is at risk.
My then 4yr old GD, (now 10), decided she didn't want to walk through a shopping centre and sat down, refusing all attempts to get her to move. I walked to the side, watching her all the time while she kicked and screamed at me. I continted to ignore her and after 10, (long), minutes she got up, came over to me and hugged me. That was when I realised that we were being watched by a security guard, 2 police officers and my daughter!
My GD never pulled that tantrum again.

My daughter used to start getting ready for a tantrum as soon as she felt the buggy slow down as I looked at a shop I might go into.

That was for hatpev

Typical teacher idea...dreadful.

There’s a hard truth here: you don’t get a holiday from parenting small kids.

If you go on holiday with tots and expect that YOU will have a relaxing break, your expectations will be grossly disappointed.

Relaxing fun adult holidays are for folks with no small children to look after.

The rest of us are just trying to survive ?

If her other grandparents spoil her the she is trying to make you do the same, give in and say yes to her every whim.
She will be great fun when she is older. Meanwhile you have to explain why you ask her to do something and stick to your word. You can try bargaining but I suspect she will just run you ragged. Keep surviving but don't, whatever you do, give in. It will pass but better get this stage out of the way while she is young when the mistakes will be relatively little ones. Rebelliousness in older children tends to be more serious and lead to major problems.
Try to take the burden of coping in turns to give time to recharge batteries with perhaps an alcoholic reward after long, hard days.
Good luck {flowers}

When children misbehave, you have to look at the parents' behaviour. Are they consistent on the serious issues like running off, kicking etc. Are they too strict on the minor issues so children feel they have no control over any decision affecting them? Do they give the child enough time to just run around in a safe place? Does the child feel loved and that their parents give them enough quality attention or is it only given when they are misbehaving?

Young kids hate shopping in supermarkets so why take them unless you involve them in finding the things you want to buy. Buy some reins and put them on her if she continues to run off, no matter what the age, and say they will be taken off when she can walk sensibly! Praise a lot when she does good things and only give treats when she choses good behaviour ( not to be used for bribery beforehand). Remove the audience and ignore her when she is misbehaving on the naughty step and saying she hates you and only start the countdown when she is sitting quietly and then talk about why she was put there afterwards.
For every naughty child, you can usually see inadequate parenting alongside but the child gets the blame for the bad behaviour!

Can I just ask Ethel is the partner the child’s father ? or if not has he been involved with her from a baby or is the relationship more recent tho s could be quite an important question ?

I’ve just had my 5year old gs to stay for a week. He too liked to run off and boy is he fast! We took him to lots of child centred places, which he seemed to enjoy, as long as he could climb, run and generally let off steam.
Back home was a different story, couldn’t sit still for five minutes and not interested in anything. That’s when the problems started and the tantrums too. I was shocked,I thought tantrums faded away after about three.
I can really sympathise with Ethelbags daughter. I was exhausted at the end of the week.

I am going to put my teacher hat back on and give you some suggestions. It can be the change to routine, the unexpected that cause the child to be unsettled . The best thing to do is to create a visual timetable of what she is going to be doing. Schools use lovely colourful cards but a series of post its where you create a visual for what is going to be happening. This can be as simple as a matchstick drawing as long as granddaughter understands what it represents. Get her involved. One sheet per activity. Stick them on a a piece of card in order. As each activity is completed get her to remove the relevant post it and bin it. I did this with an uncooperative grandson who was uncertain when staying with us for the night. We drew pictures of his bedtime routine and he enjoyed looking to see what was next and screwing up the paper when finished. Hope it improves for all of you

Sorry...typo. Having

Havung read further...holiday cottage in Yorkshire? Lol. The child wouldn't be interested at 14 or 24, never mind 4/5.
I remember spending 3 weeks over Christmas/NY in an hotel with 4 of my children at a well known seaside resort on my own as DH was working abroad. Youngest was under 12 months old. We found plenty to do and staff were happy to babysit occasionally when they were bathed and in bed, so I could have a 'grown-up' meal in the dining room.
It helped that I stayed there regularly but when you have children they come first and I can honestly say that none of mine ever had a tantrum or ran off...ever.

Frankly, if this behaviour is only while the family is on a holiday that sounds exceedingly boring for a five year old, I think both Ethel and her dd should grin and bear it. Tell dd to try as far as possible to ignore this bad behaviour - making a fuss about it, will only make the child worse.

Tell her also, either to send her better half shopping on his own with a shopping list, or make him look after his DD in the cottage while Mum does the shopping on her own.

Unfortunately, I think this child is realising that her parents are not in agreement as to how she should be brought up and that she is indulging in the time-honoured sport of playing the one parent off against the other.

Dear Ethel, as others have said your DD needs to have a serious talk with her husband about common guidelines for bringing up their daughter, and if this bad behaviour continues at home, the family are either going to need what used to be called a child guidance clinic, or a marriage councillor, as nothing is going to improve until the adults sort out their difficulties.

No I am sure you haven't Ethelbags! Problem is with pushing boundaries, if the boundaries keep moving, no one knows where they are, and that is distressing for children. If you think it is time to leave a party she is attending, then you go, you don't let her rule the roost by refusing until everyone else has left. Was SiL over indulged as a child, in which case he won't understand the concept of being spoilt?

It is difficult for parents if they are not used to standing firm, and important to pick your battles, but for unacceptable behaviour 'no' really has to mean that, the first time it is uttered, no debate. Distraction can still work to an extent at 5, and rewards and praise for good behaviour the most effective, but do encourage your poor daughter to set those boundaries!

"The grown-up don't like the noise and bustle" and the wee one doesn't like the "peace and quiet".
It's all about priorities then. My 2 wouldn't enjoy a holiday with nothing to do either.

Ahhh! The point is that she's getting a reaction. Ignore all the flim-flam and naughtiness, make sure that whatever tantrum she indulges in, no attention is paid to her other than msking sure that she's safe.
When shopping, buy some extendable reins to attach to the trolley and warn her that they will be used.
I bet she's bored after all, what 4 yr old wants to spend all holiday with mum or granny, people she sees every week at home.
Maybe your DD could find some other children for her to interact with at a safe play area where they are holidaying.
You can get wrist straps (like a watch) which have a tracker in and an app to go on your phone, should she run off.
Buy her a simple kite to fly, a bubble blower, something to tire her out. Play cricket or tennis, the child size ones are cheap and can be left if they don't want to bring back extra luggage.
Leaving her to play sedentary games or walking around places of no interest to children of that age, is a no-no.
You can do no more.
As for the eternal question 'is she being bullied?' why do people ask that? She's 4 not 14. It never came into my head to think that with my 5. There will always be people you come up against in life, child or adult. It's life.

It sounds really worrying and I do understand why you are so concerned. I won't add to the advice already offered, but I most strongly suggest you and your dd read the book 'How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk'. It isn't a magic wand, but does have a lot of really valuable ideas in it, based on research and many many parents' experience.