How do you stop being lonely?

annep.......it is pointless clearly....it is part of my general confusion. I would like to go out and be more sociable , so I join things.
I just cant get myself going.

I notice if anybody says they are lonely the advice is usually to join societies and/or volunteer which will open up a wonderful world of possibilities. If only it were so simple.

I've never heard of Cinema Paradiso. Must investigate. We have Netflix but its not very useful to us. I love foriegn films.

Maw, definitely self esteem plunges ,confidence ebbs away.

Oh I could have written your message, I am totally with you there. 3 children, closer to one, voluntary work, but also alone a lot of the time. I have no answers so am keen to see the responses. X

Loopyloo. I like French,Spanish and Italian films, old Cary Grant films, Hitchcock, historical, costume dramas. I subscribe to Cinema Paradiso. Get two DVDs at a time of my choice. Watch DVDs because I am inclined to fall asleep so can rewind.

Old Batty - joining is the first step, actually going is maybe the more difficult 2nd step. I work on the theory that if I go and don't feel it's for me, I won't go again, will never see these people again, and will have lost nothing.
Bijou - would your help not feed the cat, and change the litter once a week, and you give it dry food in the evening? It would be so good for you.

Sorcerer good post. thank you.
Listening to the Archers while eating dinner is not feeble. I love the Archers. Although I usually eat with Neighbours ( my secret vice).
Oldbatty whats the point in joining and not trying it? Bijou I'm so sorry you are so lonely. I'm sure Ageuk would arrange someone to call for a chat? Or perhaps someone from GN might live nearby.

My Mum was widowed 7 years ago at the age of 68. She learnt to drive and bought her first car. She also begslan volunteering at the local hospital cafe. But by far the best thing that she did was to get a bedlington terrier dog. She is a very gentle dog and wonderful company for my Mum.

You don't say how old you are, but a day centre might be a start - they aren't all full of old people sitting around. I run 2 centres, and we have a real laugh. We have a cooked lunch, pudding, raffle, and entertainment (singer/musician/magician/comedian/exercise session) every week.

How about voluntary work? or dog walking? Cat sitting?

I'm not sure the " joining things" is always a good thing. I have signed up to 2 groups locally and I receive many emails about events.
I haven't been to a single one.

I am lonely, I have no close family. I do have a dog but this can restrict time going out. Especially as I have a neighbour who leaves her dog out to bark all day upsetting my little fella. So I can no longer leave him alone.

I do have friends but they all have families and I feel I cannot take up their time. If I did not go out no one would call on me or visit. Although I have invited people. I am trying to move to an over 55's housing set up but that is complicated as well. Lot's do not allow pets. I am desperate to move.

It is all very well giving out advice on how not to feel lonely and I am sure it is kindly meant. But it does not take into account one of the major stumbling blocks, namely shyness and lack of self confidence which not only contribute to loneliness but can arise from it.
It’s a vicious circle and the only “advice” I would offer is to not confuse being alone with being lonely.
Social media lead us to believe that the rest of the world has a lively social life, countless friends, invitations every weekend but dont be fooled.
Nobody ever posted a picture of beans on toast with the caption “Alone again, watching Corrie” but many many people are. So that feeling of loneliness or inferiority is not unique. You are not alone.
Yes there is good advice, but be selective, do what you feel comfortable with. And if something you try is not for you (in my case Red Hats) walk away, you have not failed, take a deep breath and reconsider.
Good luck!

Yes my dogs are my salvation from loneliness ?. And whilst walking them I have met lots of people and even made new friends and acquaintances
I would recommend getting a little rescue dog !

Bijou, what are your favourite films? Do you watch them on tv or dvd?

Hi Eglantine (great name BTW!) - eating your evening meal whilst listening to The Archers is not at all feeble. Sounds like an excellent idea to me. Two of my favourite things.........eating and listening to the radio (though it would be tv for me).

A cat or dog would be someone to talk to + walking a dog keeps you fit, gets you out and often you meet others with dogs. I understand all the downsides, they are a tie, cost money to feed etc, but it might be worth considering.

Welcome lemonade. I understand your feelings if loneliness completely.
I have a lovely family and some good friends but the married ones aren't always available to meet up.
I attend a tai chi class and would like to volunteer at the local homeless shelter but think I'm perhaps not fit enough for the work involved.
As for GN meet ups I've often looked on the local page but the last thread was over a year old and can't see any evidence of any meet up.
Maybe I'll suggest one.

At the risk of sounding a bit feeble I did find that eating my evening meal whilst listening to The Archers was a great help.

I got quite involved in the doings of Ambridge.

It didn’t seem quite so lonely.

If you are still able to get out and about you really cannot say you are lonely.
I am housebound and the only person I see daily is my help. I live in Norfolk and my family live in Bristol so I only see photos of my great grandchildren. My son visits me about once a month. I have survived all my friends so my only friend now is my IPad. And Gransnet. I love films and sorry that I have no one with whom to discuss them.
I miss the company of my cat. She used to always be at my side and slept on my bed but now I cannot manage to get another one because it would be difficult to look after it.

As you seem interested in volunteering may I suggest the National Trust. Find your nearest NT house and just go along. They always need people. You'll get a variety of jobs, learn lots of new stuff thereby becoming an expert, and you'll meet new likeminded friends plus you will always feel wanted.

I started with NT when I retired and do one regular day a week. We have social events and get-togethers, it's great. Give it a go.

Lemonade and Bluebelle I too am like yourselves and can relate entirely to your posts. I have been on my own for 30 years now. I didn't have grandchildren then but was still working full time. My sister and I used to go on holiday together once a year which was great. I eventually got grandchildren and looked after them a few days a week from Mum going back to work, then when they went to Nursey/School I used to pick them up and given them their tea so was kept busy. They now are all at big school so I only see them 1 day a week for their tea, but I still take them on holiday for a week which is lovely. I am now trying to do my family tree and when I find something interesting I have no-one to share it with, my Sister died last year and I have no other siblings. Many a time I want to ring her and say 'guess what'.

Sourcerer, your article is great. It needs a wider audience ( even than Gransnet!)

Join a book-reading club, perhaps? Are you interested in politics then join a political association, or stand as a local councillor in the next bye-elections.

If you get on well with children or teenagers, you could perhaps drop into a club or school and help out with homework?

You can talk to a cat or dog, or even a bird or hamster, you know and somehow they manage to talk back, according to anyone, myself included, who has ever kept a pet.

Walking a dog, either your own, or a neighbour's is a sure way of getting into conversation with people you meet when out with the dog.

How about joining U3A? Look it up on the internet and you’ll probably find a group near to you. ?

As Sourcerer48 said 'Get an animal! If you are not able to have a dog or a cat, try a fish, gerbil or a bird.' I definitely agree. My dog provides fun, affection, snuggles and companionship and I wouldn't be without him. 8 years ago an exhausted escapee canary landed next to a friend when he was fishing and as we had no luck finding the owner I took it on. This little bird's song is just so sweet and happy it brightens the day.