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After 43 years that’s it!

(54 Posts)
Alima Wed 07-Nov-18 14:01:58

My car is going. I can no longer hack the driving. Never been a confident driver just careful. This last few months with stuff going on in the family my confidence has hit rock bottom and getting in the driving seat brings on a panic attack. What a wuss, I am so cross with myself. My main worry is how am I going to get garden compost in spring. Cannot see a taxi carrying it.

GrannyGravy13 Wed 07-Nov-18 14:08:51

Alima I am sure Amazon sells most things and deliver to your door.

Sorry to hear you no longer feel confident driving, what about just not driving for a few weeks, then give it another try?

wildswan16 Wed 07-Nov-18 14:13:56

I think I can understand how you feel. Once you have lost that confidence it really isn't worth the stress of making yourself do it. You will most certainly find another way of getting your compost !

Not having the car also means there will be extra money for taxis when needed. Maybe you may also find walking and buses keeps you fitter. If you feel your confidence returning in the future you can always take it up again.

Charleygirl5 Wed 07-Nov-18 14:14:16

Alima that was something that I was bothered about when I give up driving. I have looked online and do not worry you will have great choice and Amazon will deliver.

Sorry to hear that you have decided to give up but better your decision than it be made for you.

Teetime Wed 07-Nov-18 14:18:57

Alima I am sorry but its really no good if you dont enjoy it. You can get everything delivered now and perhaps what you used to spend on car maintenance etc can be used for something else and a few taxis. Your green credentials will have improved significantly.

kittylester Wed 07-Nov-18 15:55:02

I'm sorry Alima, that must have been a hard decision.

annodomini Wed 07-Nov-18 16:14:30

Garden centres will often deliver compost but be sure to ask about their charges. I fell into that trap some years ago, before I found that our local independent hardware store delivered free of charge.

cornergran Wed 07-Nov-18 16:18:18

A very hard decision alima, one most of us will make at some point I expect. As others have said most things can be orders on line and delivered, perhaps a quick internet search would out your mind at rest about the practicalities. There’s an emotional aspect to this though, it could take time to settle.

Auntieflo Wed 07-Nov-18 16:28:13

Alima, so sorry to hear that you have lost your confidence. Maybe you could ask a driving school for a few confidence building, refresher lessons. It is a big thing to lose your car, as your independence goes with it. You have probably thought about it, so apologies if I am saying something you have already had thoughts about.

TerriBull Wed 07-Nov-18 16:55:36

I sympathise Alima, I'm not a particularly confident driver, I don't like going out of my comfort zone, I'd hate to do motorways for example. I will only drive my car Fiat 500 and refuse to drive my husband's much larger car in spite of him telling me I should.

I can imagine it was a hard decision to make. When my mum stopped driving, after my father died, she seemed to get around okay with taxis and lifts from friends, but she didn't have a need for compost.

littleflo Wed 07-Nov-18 17:13:12

We gave up our car 3 years ago. We put all the money we usually spent on it into a separate account. It pays for taxis and trains as well as delivery costs. We have a huge balance in the account and don’t miss the car at all. We have never had to rely on family for lifts. Even at Christmas, when taxis double to over £100 it is still less expensive,

Telly Wed 07-Nov-18 18:30:49

We get ours delivered, so much easier anyway. However if you want to regain your confidence why not have some driving lessons?

hillwalker70 Wed 07-Nov-18 18:58:38

I still drive but have heavy stuff like compost delivered from local nursery. I don’t know if you are in town or country. If. You have buses and trains. Great, but here in the countryside there is no public transport, so I will always drive, I value my independence . Good luck.

anitamp1 Thu 08-Nov-18 09:55:27

You have my sympathy and understanding. I am a fairly confident, outgoing person. But since DH and i retired 3 years ago, he does virtually all the driving. I tootle round localy, but when we go any distance he drives. And my confidence has gone. Can't remember when I last drove in the dark. And I too am cross with myself. I really need to push myself to drive more, but DH doesn't like being a passenger.

Sheilasue Thu 08-Nov-18 09:59:06

I never learnt to drive my h does but I try not rely on him too much like my independence. We have a great bus service so I can get to most places quite well. We live in the London suburbs.
I suppose it’s a problem if your in a small town or village.
Maybe just leave the car at home for a while, see how you feel later.

Pamaga Thu 08-Nov-18 10:07:47

I don't drive and have managed fine, even when I lived in small town USA. If you are fit enough to walk, it promotes great exercise. If not, as long as you have IT, there is plenty available online. We are quite well served by buses where we live and my OH and friends are very good about offering lifts but I try not to take advantage too much as I do enjoy walking. I think you are wise to stop if you have lost confidence. Nervous drivers can be very dangerous - why I never took it up, as I knew I'd be a liability on the road!

4allweknow Thu 08-Nov-18 10:14:48

How about booking a couple of lessons with a driving instruction just to have your competence assessed. A family friend whose husband died suddenly hadnt driven for several years. Wanting to help with getting about but not feelibg at all confident she contacted a local instructor just to make sure she was safe and also to give her the confidence to get back on the road. Instructor was very understanding and told her she was safe to go it alone. Really helped friend to cope with loss. Friend was 82 at the time and still driving. If you do give in to how you are feeling won't this make you worse by accepti ng all that you say is going on with you has succeeded in causing you more stress.

Feelingmyage55 Thu 08-Nov-18 10:15:13

As others say, best you make the decision yourself. Have you thought of SORNing the car, ie not taking out road tax and insurance for six month, then trying again in the spring when perhaps family worries have settled. If your car is in a garage this would be ok, but if it is parked outside in the cold maybe not so good. Of course, if you sell up, there is nothing to stop you buying a car further down the line, perhaps an easier to drive, smaller car or an automatic.
In the spring invite a friend to the garden centre for coffee and cake in return for compost shopping. Everyone I know who has decided to hang up their keys has coped and also been relieved. Do let us know how it goes. Wishing you well. 💐

sroge Thu 08-Nov-18 10:29:41

Just wondering how old are you Alima? Seems such a shame to give up the independence driving gives you. Obviously it's your decision but think long and hard before you get rid of your car.

CarlyD7 Thu 08-Nov-18 10:52:03

In your shoes I would find a pleasant, patient driving instructor (who specialises in "nervous drivers") and have a few "refresher" lessons. It's a big step to give up such a vital part of our independence. Don't do it too hastily.

Anniel Thu 08-Nov-18 10:53:59

I sold our car 10 years ago as soon as my husband died. Living in London and car ownership is not compatible where I live. There is nowhere to park! I get taxis and public transport everywhere and have a free travel pass within all areas of London. I do not miss the car at all. The cost of maintenance and not using it much made it an easy decision. Good Luck Alima!

Applegran Thu 08-Nov-18 10:54:18

Alima I am so sorry you have lost confidence in driving - but encourage you not to be cross with yourself! We all have issues, fears and things to sort out for ourselves - and being cross with ourselves can get in the way, and does not help make things better. I wonder if you've thought of getting help with the lack of confidence itself? It could help in many ways , not just driving - and still leaves open the possibility of getting someone to give you a refresher driving lesson, if you want it. But you could ask your GP to refer you for CBT (it can help you manage fearful thoughts and feelings) - or just google CBT practioners in your area. It really can make a difference. Whatever you do, I hope things go well for you.

Rosina Thu 08-Nov-18 10:55:58

Why not put your car off road if you can ( apply for a SORN declaration) because you might feel differently in a while. This happened to a friend, she then took a few driving lessons - she was about 67 at the time!- and felt so much better after being complimented on her safe and steady driving by the instructor that eventually she did start driving again. If you are feeling 'cross with yourself' this is telling me that you don't really want to stop, so burning your boats by getting rid of your car might not be the answer just yet. Remember - you are in control of what you do here and allow yourself to have all options. Good luck!

Tish Thu 08-Nov-18 11:04:54

Before you get rid of your car, why don’t you try to find a sympathetic driving instructor or friend , explain the situation to them and see if they’ll take you out a couple of times?

DaisyL Thu 08-Nov-18 11:37:41

Living out in the country as I do having to stop driving is my greatest dread. My mother gave up her car but then she lived in the centre of a town and had an account with a taxi company, used buses and trains. Taxis are few and far between in this neck of the woods (and very expensive - £50 to the local station!) Buses are fine but not very frequent and the nearest stop is half a mile away which is fine in good weather but not so much fun in the wind and rain. I think that if I had to stop driving I would have to move into town, but circumstances make that very difficult. Are you sure you won't miss your independence Alima?