Naughty behaviour in 3year old

Lemongrove, I was trying to point out that there are other factors also at play in this little ones life and that the separation is not the only cause.

Hi I read your post and just had to respond. My Dd is in a similar position to yours but she and her 2 children live with me. The children have different fathers my Dgd has no contact whatsoever with her dad but my Dgs aged 3 sees his dad and stays over a couple of times a week. Like your gs he started acting up and actually being very hurtful with the things he said not just to my daughter but to me as well. My Dd has a very amicable relationship with her ex and his family and my Dgs is loved and adored by them. So why was he playing up and generally being horrible sometimes?
My Dd is lucky enough to have a friend who is a child psychologist and this is what she told us:
He lives with 3 females and although only 3 he feels he has to be the man of the house ( old fashioned I know but please bear with it) She asked us to acknowledge that without giving him any real power but to say we love the way he looks after us and tries to help mummy.
She also pointed out that although parents and grandparents think they’re on the same page each household has its own set of rules so cut him some slack sometimes!
The most important thing was she told us not to tell him we missed him when he was away. She said he’d probably had a lovely time with his other family and by us greeting him saying I’m glad you’re home we missed you he may feel guilt about not being with you or guilt about having a good time.
Sorry for the long post, but it really has worked for us!
When he goes off now we say have a great time. When he comes home we greet him have a chat with whoever bought him back and generally don’t make too much fuss. Hope this gives you some insight into his behaviour x

Check his diet. Lots of hidden sugar in things like yogurt that's marketed as healthy for children. Read labels. Note the time of day his behaviour is worst. If it's shortly after food (including snacks) be suspicious! Sugar can make children high as kites and then there's a crash that makes the irritable.

I used to work with young children. One day I was driving a very disruptive 3 year old to nursery. She was throwing herself all over the back of the car. I looked at a tree we were driving past and said "oh my goodness, there's a monkey in that tree". She immediately stopped the nonsense and began looking for monkeys in all the trees. As others have said, distraction is a wonderful tool.

IMO there is a limit to what kind of behaviour you can and should ignore. A three year old should not be allowed to hit or bite anyone, but told that hitting or biting hurts and is not allowed.

He is still small enough to be dressed by an adult, if he refuses to get dressed. Say something like, "Let's pretend you are a baby, and I will dress you." If he protests, "So, you're a big boy then, so let's see how fast you can get dressed by yourself."

The boy is confused by the split between his parents and probably has gathered that mummy isn't well, so it's no real wonder he is being difficult.

I once had a six year old pupil who turned to me and said, "It's nice you tell us what to do and why you would like us to do it and it's always the same rules. Could you tell my mummy and daddy how to do that?"

In other words, please behave like grown-ups and make it clear to the little ones that some things, like getting dressed, that just have to be done.

If he is awake and full of life at 5.30 what time is he going to bed? If it suits to keep up the afternoon nap, then let him stay up a bit longer at night and see whether he might then at least sleep until 6 a.m.

As grandtante says children thrive on routine and his is quite complicated with change of houses and nursery I guess it has all got a bit much, he can't tell you as he just doesn't have the words. Lots of cuddles and strong routine at home may help. The clock change is always a problem with small children (and big ones!). I am sorry your DD is not well I suspect he is picking up on that a bit which may be making him more anxious, this comes out as aggression.

TrazzerMc sorry but that's a load of old fashioned psycho-babble. I brought up 3 boys on my own and none of them expected to be the 'man of the house'. My house, my rules, women rule! The youngest one did have a period of biting- but it was his brothers he bit when they put their arms out to stop him getting their toys. It was sheer frustration and he soon stopped. Distraction is always good. Boundaries are great. Three year olds test boundaries, it's how they find out about the world. It's important to be consistent. It's important to give him lots of love and attention, but not to give in when he demands things. As far as not cooperating goes try giving him times when he has choices and explain that there are times for everyone when they have to do things. Sometimes you can fool children into things by introducing an unexpected element or playing a silly game. Like putting an item on wrongly-socks on hands etc.

He's learnt one lesson - negative behaviour attracts lots of attention from everyone!
Perhaps no-one wants to discipline him in case they are seen as 'the bad parent' because mummy and daddy are no longer together.

Tantrums from three-year-olds can be quite spectacular!
He needs to know the boundaries as well as making sure he knows how much everyone loves him.

However, positive parenting and turning tasks like getting dressed etc into fun as trisher says is much better than constantly saying 'No' to everything.

My DGC had a moon/sun clock and were not supposed to go and disturb anyone until the moon changed to the sun.

hope this is not advertising:

gro.co.uk/product/gro-clock/

I agree you can't allow a child to kick or bite - just physically stop it and remove child from situation without focusing on the behaviour. Tell a story later on about someone else who bit someone and how it ended badly? (Not too badly!!!)

My three year old DGD did exactly this, just towards her mum (our daughter), it was unpleasant to witness. She and her husband are happy and together, so no family issues. She was at a nursery with lots of challenging children but her behaviour there was exemplary. We think some of it was learnt from some of the difficult children and some was frustration. Some may have been going up to a new class while much younger than most in the class. Who knows really? It’s a stage of development for some children, it will pass. Our lovely DGD is now four and is long past that awfulness and is now loving and great company again. We did change nursery though and she is in a calmer preschool environment, so did the move help? Maybe.

If he is able to control his behaviour at nursery and with dad it suggests that he is testing boundaries with mum. Maybe she is less clear with him what the expectations are and takes the route of least resistance..easy to do..I have done that! Lots of praise & reward for positve behaviour and ignore ( as much as possible) the bad. If u can't ignore ( safety!) the bad try not to talk or get angry.. just remove him / objects to another place. A bit like dog training!