Frequency of visits

Think, after reading several similar posts, you have to go along with what suits your daughter, not what you want. Have you never heard the saying ‘quality over quantity’. It doesn’t matter if you see your grand daughter every day, if it’s not quality time, it won’t make you close. Instead, think up fun things to do with her on the days you will see her, then she will be dying to see you again. After 6 grandchildren, I don’t think there is ever a right way, they are all individuals and enjoy different things. I have made massive mistakes over the years, but thankfully we all manage to rub along nicely. Good luck.

We have the whole family staying for a week at Christmas/New Year we are really looking forward to it. But as DH commented yesterday, 'Won't we enjoy the peace and quiet after they have gone?'

Enjoy it, jane in the knowledge that they will go home!

I’m sure you didn’t kitty.
It only dawned on me what my mother must have gone through when I had DGC of my own to stay, for much shorter periods of time.
They are all coming for Christmas and I’m very excited ?

jane, I hope I didn't make it too obvious. It was the one who made wedding cakes at our house that was the giddy limit!! They still come back to see us though!

kitty
I’m sure my mum was glad to see the back of us after 3 x DC and I lived with her for nearly 4 months!
I had no idea

I must be odd. When any of ours have lived with us for any length of time, due to house moves, building work or separation, I have been pleased to see them go.

I can understand how you feel because my Grand children lived with us for 4 years but you wiilget used to it.

grandchildren do live very near me.now., but I still don’t get to see them that often as both parents work nursing shifts and have to juggle their lives for the children. I would love to see more of all of them, but,sadly not.
There are no rifts between the two families, but I feel I can’t get to know any of my grandchildren properly

I have 2 Granddaughters who live almost 300 miles away.I saw them for a few hours in August ,when they came to stay with their other Granny here Sadly I don’t have a spare room for them.That was the first time for 18 months. They are both very loving and a pleasure to be with, but it’s hard to get to know them properly in such short bursts.
My other two grandchilvdf

I think a lot depends on how used you become to seeing the grandchildren. My daughter and her children lived with us for several years and when they moved out it felt like I was losing part of me. I still see them 2-3 times a week and we have the little ones to stay over. We see another grandchild about once every 2 weeks and our others less often - maybe once every couple of months, but this has always been the case. I have one child who lives abroad, so I guess one day I may have grandchildren whom I rarely see.

Accept your daughter's suggestion right now with as good a grace as you can muster. She needs time to get used to living away from you with her daughter and time to find out how to be a mum to the child.

If you push for more right now, you risk your DD wanting to see even less of you. You could try asking if she would prefer you to come to her, or the other way round.

It's certainly not too soon to ask about her Christmas plans, but please, however hard it will be, accept what she wants to do.

Think back: can you honestly remember never being annoyed with your DM or MIL when your daughter was a baby? Most of us remember loads of unwanted advice, duty visits etc. etc.

Monica1210 Allow your daughter to live life as she wants not what you expect. Is there nothing else to occupy your time in between the visits? Had you said 5 years not months I could have understood.I had to get used to my family, as many more grans have, with their family moving overseas but the bond is still there be it courtesy of technology Your once a week may be extended if you offer your gran services? Count your blessings and get on with life.

to not too!

It is different for everyone. When my children were young we lived hundreds of miles from my DM and about 75 miles from my MIL and FIL so visits were less frequent than they would have been had we all lived close together. MIL sometimes complained she hadn't seen us for x time and I had to remind her she'd seen us however many times since my last visit too my own DM. Your DD needs to decide what works for her. Your DGD won't love you less by not seeing you every day and they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
My own adult children live a long distance from me and I suspect if and when grandchildren come along I won't see them as much as I would like, but I intend to make the most of the times we have together just as I do now.

Luckylegs9. I have 4 children. The eldest has just left home with her daughter. House is still busy but there's just a huge gap now. It's just her and her daughter no partner so I'm sure she'll need me for support but I'm going to let her lead it as and when she wants it.

A bond is formed (earned) not an entitlement.

I agree with you OllieBeak, offer to help, try to be the grandmother that you wish your kids had.
My DGD's other gran has lots of DGC and a job, but manages to make time for all of them. Hats off to grans like that.

I have one Dil, my sister has 3 DiLs. We are so grateful that they are so lovely. We both see quite a lot of our DGC with regular sleepovers even though we each live an hour away.
Sorry to sound smug but I worry this maternal vs paternal grandparent thing may become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

My daughter has three children - I see the eldest (20) once a fortnight (when she's home from Uni) and the two younger ones (17 and 11) two or three times a week (twice a week I look after them while their mum is on a College Course).

My eldest son has a step-son (13) who I see about once a fortnight when his mum and my son bring him to visit me.

My younger son has three sons (17, 10 and 2) - I see them three or four times a month - or more often, if they need an 'overnight sitter'.

My own mum was never available for child-minding duties and not very demonstrative with her affections where my own children were concerned as they were growing up ............................... I've been determined to be available whenever needed - and frequently 'offer' to look after one or two, if I know that they're a bit pushed.

Sitting here now waiting for DiL to drop off youngest grandson (2) to take him for the day ........................ we're going to see Santa today .

Is your daughter not with a partner? I ask because if there is just the three if you it would be difficult for her to not having your constant support. I think that once a week, twice if you're luckily sounds great and your close bond will continue. The house must seem very empty, but soon you will adjust. I miss mine now they are teenagers, always busy, so don't get to see them too often now.

I really find it odd that most people aren't in their children's lives more often past 18 (once had children or moved out) Its definitely been an eye opener being on this forum. My mum has been a grandma for the last 18 years and hasn't had much contact and I've resented her for it yet it seems to be the norm... mmmnn much to ponder about.

There is no 'right' amount of contact, it is what you all feel comfortable with, and what is viable given distance, transport and daily commitments.

They have only just left your home so you are naturally missing them a lot at the moment. Your daughter has suggested a quite frequent and regular visiting period. I don't think she's trying to keep you at a distance or exclude you from your GD's life, she just wants to start building her own family life with her daughter, that's only natural.

We have seven GC, five of them we see about 3 or 4 times a year because of distance. The other two live just a few miles away and we see them on average once a month. I know that their other GPs see a lot more of them because they live nearer, but I'm not envious or jealous of that, it's just how it is. They are all their own family units, we are extended family, I don't expect to be a constant part of their lives. We love having them when they do visit and there is no shyness or lack of closeness between us.

Enjoy your Ds and GDs company when you do see them but let them live their own lives too

I'm a step-gran but I've known all 4 DGCs since they were born. We see 2 once a week as we go to theirs to be there when they get home from school, prepare their tea etc. until one or other of parents get home. The other 2 live about 70 miles away, we are lucky to see them 2 or 3 times a year as they have very busy lives (stepdaughter is brilliant, but she's also helping to care for her MIL who has Parkinsons) so we don't push it - just happy to visit when invited or have them visit us, whenever. Not ideal but they all know we love them which I suppose is the main thing.

The OP has acknowledged that it is good her daughter is building her life and independence. She is pleased to her. She is just asking how others have adjusted in this situation!!