Husband hates kids

I made my husband sound awful, he really isn't. When I say he hates kids it is more a feeling very uncomfortable around children and babies. He is an only child and has not had contact with children at all. He doesn't have a problem with my adult kids it is the babies that take him out of his comfort zone.

BlueBelle daughter had baby in May then son's partner had baby in September. Two babies quite likely they want to visit Christmas day.

At their current ages, I can't see that your Dh will need to have much to do with these babies. They're babes in arms and presumably will either be asleep or in their parents' arms for the vast majority of time.

It's hard to imagine what it is about a 7mth old and a 3mth old that could make anyone uncomfortable. Surely he sees babies around in the wider world? Maybe now is the time for him to get acclimatised to the smaller humans amongst us.

He is an only child and has not had contact with children at all.

Hmm not sure that adds up
Unless he also doesn't go to supermarkets, patks, tourist attractions, historic houses & town centres?
Or is it just your family's kids that he cannot be in the vicinity of?

Just ignore him and don't buy him any thing for Christmas or his birthday.. people like that are self absorbed and don't care one way or another and don't see and don't care that what they are doing is hurtful.. he probably had a miserable childhood with parents that resented him.. but of course that is not an excuse, most of us want to do better as grown ups especially when we are aware of hurting others but obviously this individual is all about himself..

No excuse Sorry,, he needs to see a psychologist and get past all this, he should do it just for you and your children. Maybe one day you can write back and let us all know that he has been helped.. Good luck...

I agree with the other posters - being an only child is really no excuse for being so "anti" little babies in arms. The fact that he actually disappears when a baby is in the vicinity, seems really hurtful to me. He needs to get over himself and start living in the real world.

Surely he is living in the real world?
He doesn't like babies and he isn't pretending otherwise.

Right on MissA ( sorry Pedants )

Blimey, OP! A proper grown-up could surely be polite, cheerful and gracious for just one day?
I'm not by nature the most gregarious type but if I can put on a cheerful face and be pleasant he can too.

I dont think this is down to him being meek and fragile. A shy awkward intoverted type (including those who feel awkward around children) would NEVER pull such an attention gaining dramatics as to to flounce upstairs.

Next time you go for a nice pub lunch, nod in the direction of a family and say "OH NO DH, I guess you'll have to wait in the car, you poor love" and see what happens

I happen to believe (and have finally learnt, in time for a successful 4th marriage) that marriages work best where each partner leaves the other to be themselves where it comes to how they dress, and how they interact with others etc. etc. That means that when there are times you have to pull them up about how they treat you it doesn't come on top of a load of other criticisms they already resent you for and get ignored lol. So I disagree with those who advise you to try and change him or "get him help". Anyway, he has decided to avoid the small children and they and their parents will form their own opinion of him and he'll have to live with it. That's why I say don't cover for him. There is no need for you to be seen as colluding, you should enjoy your honest relationship with your family.

He doesn't have a problem with my adult kids it is the babies that take him out of his comfort zone.

Every bloody dinner I hosted for my in laws took me out of my comfort zone. But I'm not a brat.

I you allowed to now opt out of being polite to his friends and family?

So I disagree with those who advise you to try and change him

He could cut out the rude dramatics without changing his views on children or being particularly involved. He could be there to make welcoming noises then potter about in the back ground, he doesnt have to LIKE babies but refusing to be on the same floor of the building as tge OPs grand kids is being ACTIVELY rude

you should enjoy your honest relationship with your family.

I wouldnt be enjoying visiting a home where the home owner was banishing themselves upstairs until I left. I would be feeling pressure to leave extra promptly.

He is not allowing the OP or her kids to feel comfortable meeting at her home .

"I would be feeling pressure to leave extra promptly."

Not if I was close family like that. Obviously it's different if you're not all that close, and in those circumstances - for example if a neighbor popped in briefly and my DH disappeared I'd probably be happy to lie for him. But not if it's my daughter and grandson, she'd know and I am sure she'd be happy enough just to spend the time with me in my home while he stayed upstairs.

Of course I would enjoy seeing my loved one, but I would probably start suggesting meeting elsewhere away from the drama & black cloud.

Hence they may end up effectively "banned" in practice even if he hasn't said outright that thats what he wants.

It certainly wouldnt feel comfortable and I would be aware if it for the whole visit.

For goodness sakes. They are babies...he has no excuse to go hide in his room when they visit. How the he'll will he get used to them if he does this. Nobody is asking him to hold them. He just has to be in same room for a short time with them....hardly too much to ask of a grown up. He is rather childish if he can't manage that.

I think some people are making a mountain out of a molehill. He doesn't "flounce" upstairs. He isnt rude. However he could say hello for a few minutes then disappear. My dad always did that. My husband can quite often be found in another room reading when we have guests. Perhaps they think he's rude. So what. I'm not going to force him to socialise if he doesn't enjoy it. What's loving about that? We can enjoy ourselves without him.

I personally couldn't and wouldn't tolerate such a situation but the differing responses on here just go to show that all families are different, and what is ok in one family is intolerable for another. Only the poster knows whether her partner's feelings about her grandchildren are manageable and worth it for the positives in their relationship.

Notanan2, what a good reply! It reminded me of how, in the television Pride and Prejudice, Mr Bennet was out at the front of his house to receive nasty Wickham .

Bit of a turnaround all of a sudden Notthecatsmother?
Perhaps you now realise just what a selfish man you're married to and it's put you in a quandary? To me, it makes it even worse that you're talking about "babes in arms". He doesn't need to have anything to do with them ... heaven help you all when they're noisy toddlers!!!

Agree Misadventure