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Difficult BIL

(97 Posts)
Piperly Sun 16-Dec-18 09:46:33

Good morning Ladies. I wonder if you could help me please? My brother in law can be quite rude to me in social occasions. I think he finds it amusing to see how I will react. He makes comments about my weight (I am a size 16 and 5ft 2) so a bit chunky but by no means huge!). I've been trying to think of a polite response but with a sting to a) put him in his place and b) make me feel better about handling this awkward situation. We're going out for Sunday lunch today with my elderly MIL and her son's who are my husband and him. I'm dreading it but don't want to give him the satisfaction of not going. Thank you in advance.

H1954 Sun 16-Dec-18 14:19:34

I'd call this behaviour " small man syndrome" . He obviously does it for effect, to look clever, to raise a laugh........... but it's not funny! It's upsetting, distressing and embarrassing. Try a response to MIL along the lines of " well I clearly married the better of your two sons, did you never teach BIL any manners?"

More importantly, do try not to let it upset you although I know from experience that is easier said than done, my SIL is of a similar character and wastes no time in offending me!

Tooglamtogiveadamn Sun 16-Dec-18 16:45:05

I find that, in situations like this, a simple “your opinion means nothing to me”, works very well! I am furious on your behalf. Have a wonderful Christmas!tchsmile

Daddima Sun 16-Dec-18 16:54:11

My friend put on weight after giving up cigarettes. We were out one night when a local fellow commented she’d ‘ fair put on the beef’.
She quietly asked him why he felt he had to make such a comment. When no reply was forthcoming, she said, “ Now, I didn’t feel the need to comment on your baldness, so I’m curious as to what your motive was”.

For myself, I’d go for something like, “ F*ck off, you ignorant c*nt”.

EllanVannin Sun 16-Dec-18 17:10:18

I'd have said, loudly to him :
" It's better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you're a fool than to open it and remove all doubt ".

or, " I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance ".

A really nasty one :
" Decomposed bodies are less offensive than you are ".

Lynne59 Sun 16-Dec-18 19:09:43

Dddima...I like it .

Marmight Sun 16-Dec-18 20:00:37

? some great suggestions here!

Grammaretto Sun 16-Dec-18 21:51:55

Well Piperly I'm dying to know how you got on?
I hope you didn't have to use the wet trout.
Whatever happened today you deserve a really relaxed meal out with some fellow sufferers.

Piperly Mon 17-Dec-18 06:48:34

Good morning Ladies. Thank you all for your help and support yesterday. Just an update for you all!. It all went very well in the end. BIL greeted me with a kiss and MIL then said how lovely I looked which was out of character for her. Sat down for our meal. And then BIL started...... so Pip how much weight have you actually put on since you married my brother? I said "Pardon?" And then my husband stepped in....."stop being so bl***y rude or we will leave". Then MIL asked what was going on and BIL then looked a bit flustered and went red!! My husband then told her what BIL said to me. MIL then said if I had put on weight she had not noticed and too much importance was put on weight these days....husband then said he'd put on 2 stone since we'd got married and it was because he'd never been so happy!?? You could have knocked me down with a feather!! BIL then shut up. So all in all it went a lot better than expected. Thanks again to you all. ?

Anja Mon 17-Dec-18 07:01:14

Good for you, and your husband for stepping in and backing you up.

Marydoll Mon 17-Dec-18 07:11:24

Glad you had the courage to speak out and your husband supported you.
I bet BIL will be wary of doing it again!

oldbatty Mon 17-Dec-18 07:57:18

Nice one! That guy has got some serious issues.

mumofmadboys Mon 17-Dec-18 08:03:44

I don't imagine he will ever do it again!

cornergran Mon 17-Dec-18 08:05:39

Delighted for you piperly, best possible outcome. Well done to you and your husband.

Emma49 Mon 17-Dec-18 08:24:46

Perfect outcome. Well done.

sodapop Mon 17-Dec-18 08:44:16

Well done Mr P bet your brother in law won't try that tack again. Bullies hate to be confronted.

Luckygirl Mon 17-Dec-18 09:06:21

That is excellent.

I wonder what triggered your OH into making such a public stand? - whatever it was, good on him!

harrigran Mon 17-Dec-18 09:18:34

I think MrP had a sneaky look at GN tchwink

EllanVannin Mon 17-Dec-18 09:22:35

Well that's put him in his place,we hope. Good for your H.

Grammaretto Mon 17-Dec-18 09:28:55

What a great outcome. Well done with your "pardon?" Piperly ?❤

Missfoodlove Mon 17-Dec-18 10:03:57

A very bitchy “friend” once crossed the line with a very unkind comment.
I looked directly at her and said, there’s something on your chin, I think it’s a bit of venom.
She never said anything nasty to me again.

BGrannie1 Mon 17-Dec-18 10:04:53

Great outcome! Although I'm slightly disappointed there were no wet trouts involved!

Well done your OH!

Coconut Mon 17-Dec-18 10:07:36

“ Does insulting others make you feel more of a man “

felice Mon 17-Dec-18 10:11:56

"Do you practice being rude or does it come naturally to you".

LJP1 Mon 17-Dec-18 10:12:38

You could try smiling and say:

Oh dear, repetition is so boring. Why not try something new? You could find it makes you seem almost intelligent.

And laugh at him.

Good luck shamrock

Nanny41 Mon 17-Dec-18 10:17:20

Piperly, so pleased to read thins turned out so well, and good on your Husband for his support. I dont think that rude man will do it again.