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Disagreement with my DIL

(49 Posts)
SavtaLou Fri 21-Dec-18 03:19:31

We ordered a cot for
Our 3 month old grandson as soon as he grew out of his bassinet. Meanwhile my DiL has him sleeping on their bed in the middle of the two of them even though their doctor firmly said they should never do that. As we are staying with them at the moment I got drawn
Into a three-way argument about it with my DS and DiL which ended up acrimonious. I know I shouldn’t be getting involved but I think she is posing a danger to the baby

EllanVannin Fri 21-Dec-18 10:05:46

Co-sleeping doesn't harm a baby at all. My first born was a very lively baby, both " inside " and out and took a bit of settling so the only way to solve a decent nights sleep all round was to have her in bed with us. Easier because I fed her myself. However next morning she wasn't in the middle but at just over 6 weeks had squirmed down to the foot of the bed. Her lungs were like bellows, believe me !

Expecting to find her lifeless under the clothes, she was wide awake and rearing to go again. Remarkable when you hear of so many babies suffocating ! I always remember this incident, with horror at times.

What's more my babies always slept on their sides never on their backs as any choking etc would be easier to remedy by being on their sides rather than on their backs.

No harm ever came to the children. Second baby wasn't a wriggler so was quite happy in her cot once settled.

BlueBelle Fri 21-Dec-18 10:11:50

We were told never to sleep them on their backs funny how information changes Mind were all tummy sleepers head to one side (which at that time we were told was the best way)

Newmom101 Fri 21-Dec-18 11:36:08

*What's more my babies always slept on their sides never on their backs as any choking etc would be easier to remedy by being on their sides rather than on their backs.
No harm ever came to the children. Second baby wasn't a wriggler so was quite happy in her cot once settled*

Putting babies on their backs to sleep is the so so important though (until they can roll anyway). I've had arguments with my mom over this as she said she put me on my side and I was fine, and I know a lot of other babies were, but not all were so lucky. The statistics in favour of back sleeping are overwhelming. Over 1800 babies a year in the UK were dying from SIDS in the early 90s. Within just a couple of years of the back to sleep campaign that was down to 600!

1200 children's lives a year were saved due to putting them on their backs to sleep.

Back sleeping was thought to lead to a risk of choking on vomit/posseting. However there is no difference in the death rate due to this (aspiration) when front or back sleeping. Babies have a reflex which makes them turn their heads to vomit when sleeping on their backs. In fact, front sleeping can be more dangerous if they vomit and can't roll, as they can inhale the vomit.

Sorry for the lecture blush a family members baby died from SIDS and I just think the back to sleep campaign is so important.

Grammaretto Fri 21-Dec-18 11:52:17

Has anyone else seen the delightful documentary called Babies?
It's French but has hardly any dialogue. It follows the first year for 4 babies from USA, Japan, Mongolia and Namibia.
The only household with any visible books on childcare is ....guess? USA.
The movie ends as they are all a year old and all at the same stage. Climbing to stand and eating solid food despite their parents' varied lifestyles.

Luckygirl Fri 21-Dec-18 12:22:49

I do very much remember the order to sleep babies on their fronts with head to side and never never on their backs.

I was pretty horrified when all my GC were laid on their backs as babies, but I read up the stats and could see why they chose this. And I kept my lip zipped!

It was very hard for me though, as my third baby inhaled vomit and choked when 24 hours old, having somehow managed to roll from front to back at that young age! (She went on to be a bit lively!!). I had gone to the bathroom for a wee, and not, thank goodness for a bath) and returned to the room to find her on her back, blue and choking. I will never forget that moment - yanked her out of the cot, held her upside down and thumped her back whilst yelling for OH (a GP) - thankfully he was able to sort it out with the help of his paediatrician friend.

So, seeing these DGC on their backs was very hard for me.

sodapop Fri 21-Dec-18 12:59:51

Give your opinion if asked SavtaLou then leave them to reach their own conclusion.
Try to avoid getting drawn into their arguments, he is their child.

BlueBelle Fri 21-Dec-18 13:12:32

Lots of good advice now please return to post your response SavtaLou !

Grannyknot Fri 21-Dec-18 13:25:11

Dizzyblonde sorry, I had misunderstood your post.

EthelJ Fri 21-Dec-18 20:55:48

It is possible to safely co sleep. My daughter has done it very successfully with her children and it makes life easier for her and it also makes for very secure and happy children. My mother also did it many many years ago.

As long as DiL is doing it safely there should be no problem.

Floradora9 Fri 21-Dec-18 22:28:02

First rule of being a successful grandparent give no advice unless asked. It really keeps everyone happy though you might be itching to say something.

muffinthemoo Sun 23-Dec-18 13:43:57

We have had all three in 'sidecar' co sleeping cribs as they liked the reassurance of physical contact with us, but we considered having them fully in the bed to be too risky.

This style of crib worked brilliantly for us. They stayed there until transitioned out to toddler bed.

grannyactivist Sun 23-Dec-18 13:52:47

No response from SavtaLou?

BlueBelle Sun 23-Dec-18 14:38:10

No, no response so we have to make our minds up whether poster really wanted any advice or not
However it’s been an intersting conversation amongst the rest of us

oldbatty Sun 23-Dec-18 16:10:33

What on earth is a bassinet? Is it like a clarinet? Or a strumpet?

Chewbacca Sun 23-Dec-18 16:14:12

A bassinet is just a baby crib with a different name oldbatty!

Funny how some new members post a question, ask for advice and input and then bugger off, never to return, isn't it?

oldbatty Sun 23-Dec-18 16:45:39

Maybe he/she is chewing over said advice.

Ilovecheese Sun 23-Dec-18 17:45:03

In Australia a crib is called a bassinet.

agnurse Sun 23-Dec-18 19:53:50

Around here a bassinet usually refers to a very small baby crib that's intended more for a newborn. (Think round or oval small crib, often with frills.) A crib is what we call a cot. To us, a cot is a fold-up camp bed.

OutsideDave Mon 24-Dec-18 00:32:45

You’ve gotten good advise here, SavtaLou. My 3 kids all co slept, and there’s research from a pediatric sleep expert that indicates it’s actually safest for breastfed babies as moms breathing and heartbeat help regulate and stimulates babies breathing, preventing apnea episodes which might lead to SIDS. It’s most certainly not up to an extended family member to weigh in on where baby sleeps, assuming they don’t drink or use drugs baby is perfectly safe nestled between mom and dad.

MissAdventure Mon 24-Dec-18 00:47:58

A Moses basket..

absent Mon 24-Dec-18 05:25:51

Maggiemaybe My bible too. A lovely, sensitive and caring doctor and man. He truly believed that if mum felt some way of doing something was right, then it was probably right. I never had any problems with breastfeeding, weaning, co-sleeping, moving on from nappies, etc.

Gran2028 Sun 30-Dec-18 11:49:48

Any advice on how to 'move on' from co-sleeping... ie getting baby to sleep on its own in a cot??

trisher Sun 30-Dec-18 12:11:12

There used to be a book around about co-sleeping called "The Family Bed" don't know if it's still about. This is a discussion that has been going on forever. But that doesn't really matter. It's not your baby. It's not your decision. And even though you may be full of worry and dread you keep your mouth shut because that's what sensible GPs do. If they ask your opinion you can give it but don't expect it to be followed. It's the first step on a long journey when you will sometimes dread what might happen, but it's safer to say nothing.
(I remember a 5 month old picking up cucumber, pepper and all sorts of things and me standing watching, being convinced she would choke- bloody baby-led weaning!)