Daughter in law with my Grandson

Oh My Goodness ! never give advice via your son ! face to face , but really Never unless asked !!!

Well, I always did.
Sometimes I got told in no uncertain terms to mind my own business, but I never let that hold me back.

Oh my goodness, I think you need to reread your last message and imagine it is your MIL... You have decided it is her fault and are speaking to your son, you want him to have light at night time becuase your son did. My husband and I spoke for a evening about how our son would go to sleep and decided on sleep bags, which was a midwives recommendation. Please stop assuming your son is sat in a corner useless while your DIL raises your grandson! It's also not going to end well talking about your DIL to your son, I know everything my MIL says about me and honestly, I've never felt happy to hear her comments from behind my back!

Some sleep “experts” suggest having room in absolute darkness, so that’s probably why they have the room that way. Also the sleeveless sleeping bags are the modern way - supposed to be safest. No other covers, pillow, soft toys in cot. But the sleeping bags come in different thicknesses- like tog values on duvets, so maybe a lighter one is needed.
I too would be cautious about giving advice- all the grandmothers I know say you just have to keep your mouth shut ? .

Pinky. Please follow the very good advice given here.

Sorry to be so harsh but it is absolutely none of your business how your DiL and your DS parent.. Neither should it even enter your head re ‘what YOU would like’

This is not your baby and you are very much in danger of fracturing your relationship with your DiL and DS if you continue butting in. What she needs at this point is positive support.

It’s hard enough being a new Mother without your pointing out she is incapable which is ultimately how you will make her feel.

You have had your baby, now it’s her turn and she will learn how it’s done just as we all had to do.

Swaddling is normal even at 8 months.
Blacking out the room is normal, there are Blackout blinds and curtains that can be used.
Sleeping bags are the normal thing now. Most parents use them.

Your DIL is literally doing everything recommended by Midwives and Health visitors.

miss a face to face is better , but calmly , at least you can get answered back. but putting your son as a go between , as if he was a mere messenger and nothing to do with what happens to HIS baby is a definite no no . I hated OH prefacing his words with " Ma says ... "

Yes, that must be infuriating.

Swaddling is meant for very young babies. I'd have thought that cutting fingernails every few DAYS would be excessive.

Why doesn't your DIL try to find out the reason for the itching?

It could be caused by over-heating, soap powder, soap, bubble bath, and/or Eczema.

Pinky Whatever you might want, this is not your child! I think you have to let them learn as parents in their own time, just as you did and I am sure all parents of every generation do! I would not advise speaking to your son un less his wife is with him...and IF you decide to do that, I suggest tread very very gently indeed - showing an interest in what they have decided to do as parents, rather than telling them what you think! Her mother has suggested something that you don't agree with ...so be it ...please tread carefully! I know it is hard but it is important!

No baby needs their nails cutting every few days- I assume you don't do your own that often? As for all the rest of the stuff I agree with the others. Not your baby, not your choice. First lesson of grandparenting, you can cuddle, you can mind, you can help BUT never ever give advice unless asked! (and even then do it with care)

Grobags are safe for small babies (under a year). Less than 12 month old babies should have no blankets, pillow, or toys in cot. So if it wasn't for the grobag, he would be sleeping in babygro only. Grobags can't be pulled up over the face or get wrapped around baby, so they aren't the same suffocation hazard as blankets.

Babygros with integral scratch mitts are available to stop him scratching - Mamas and Papas are the ones I have always used for this reason. They basically have a double cuff you can fold back over the wee hands.

The standard advice now for baby sleeping issues is to keep the room dark and quiet. I have wooden blinds and blackout curtains. They work well. My middle one is particularly disturbed by sunrise/early sunlight so it is necessary to make sure the room's kept dark for her to sleep.

Tommee Tippee baby nail clippers are the easiest to use, I find. Don't clip nails after a bath, they are harder to clip safely when soft. Hold baby on lap facing outwards and hold each finger gently but securely. I don't much like doing it either but needs must.

Please do not speak to your son about this. I really do struggle to see any positive outcome to the conversation.

I think you need to accept that there is more than one way to raise a child. You did it your way, now you son and daughter-in-law are doing it there way. There are different ways which suit different babies and their families. One isn’t better or worse than the other.

There are times when my son & daughter-in-law have done the opposite of my advice, and I admit to thinking ‘how did you survive’ & ‘what would I know, I only raised you’ (obviously I didn’t say these things out loud!). Well guess what? My grandson survived too, he’s thriving in fact.

It’s not your job to parent your grandchild. Just enjoy grandson, leave everything else to to them.

I think he might be getting to hot as she puts him in a sort of a sleeping bag without arms. She also has put black paper on the windows so the poor child is in complete darkness all the time, apprently her Mother's idea.I would like him to get use to sleeping in the daylight like my son use too

I thought you had a good point at first (regarding the swaddling for an 8 month old). But those 'sleeping bags without arms' are the most commonly used baby sleepwear at the moment. They have different tog ratings (from 0.5-3.5) depending on room temperature and come with (or you can google) a chart explaining what the baby should wear depending on room temp and tog rating. So the sleeping bags are perfectly fine and I doubt he's getting to hot, I'm sure his mom is capable of checking he's in the right one. Also, they're far safer than blankets.

I also have DD sleeping in a pitch black room in the day (we have a blackout blind). She naps far better like that and is much happier and well rested for it. As well as sleeping 12 hours at night. As for I would like him to get used to sleeping in the daylight like my son used to, not to be harsh but he's not your son. You had your turn at parenting, now it's your sons and DILs. They will do things differently to you, it's not your place to determine how THEIR son should be raised. Also, you seem to be blaming all of this on your DIL but your son is also his parent.

And apprently her Mother's idea this makes you sound quite dismissive of her mothers suggestion. Why? She raised your DIL after all, she's just as much of a parent as you are. Your way of raising a child may have been different to hers but that doesn't make it better. And if sleeping in a dark room helps your grandson sleep better then surely that's a good thing. It sounds a bit as if you may be jealous of her mom to be honest, and don't like that she's taken her mothers advice.

DS and DiL are in the baby business ( paediatrician and midwife) and are anti swaddling as over heating has been implicated in cot death.

I looked at the lullaby trust site, and they sat firmly on the fence, stating that they will neither condemn nor condone swaddling.
It seems as if it isn't actually swaddling though, just popping them into a bag..

Never give advice unless it’s asked for ( and even then think carefully!)

My youngest DC had one of those sleeping bags many years ago - they had just come out. It was a relief to know that she was warm and snug on a winter's night and not kicking the blankets off getting chilly.
The others had all-in-one fleecy suits to wear at night.

Black-out blinds are a great idea.

ps although mine also slept in a pram in the garden (how old-fashioned!).

.I would like him to get use to sleeping in the daylight like my son use too.
You might like the idea but he is not your baby!

I think he might be getting to hot as she puts him in a sort of a sleeping bag without arms.

Hang on I thought you were talking about tight swaddling where the baby cannot move but grobags are not the same thing as swaddling at all. They are a very normal thing that parents use for babies under 12-18 months who would otherwise kick the blankets off.

I must say that at first I imagined him wrapped up in those swaddling bands like Jesus.

Gro-bags used to come with a room thermometer in the pack; I'm not sure if they still do.

I used to bite my daughter's nails in the 70s that's what I was told to do by my mother.

None of your business unless you want a fall out!!