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Bloody phones

(52 Posts)
colournanny Fri 25-Jan-19 19:39:27

Hi everyone, need some quick advice
Grandaughter is staying with me & has shown me messages on her phone that have gone on between her & another girl
Nasty words said both to blame Tbis other girl has now said she’s telling school ( I doubt she will as she was saying nasty things back to my gd) My gd has got herself in a dreadful state about this as she’s terrified of what her mother my dd will say. My gd begged me not to tell her mum as she knows
my dd will b very angry with her What shall I do ???

EllanVannin Fri 25-Jan-19 19:50:19

Tell your GD to block the one who's sending messages. Problem solved---then delete the name of caller.

EllanVannin Fri 25-Jan-19 19:51:48

Those blessed mobile phones have proved to be more trouble than they're worth.

Anja Fri 25-Jan-19 19:54:48

Not so EV many a time I’ve been so thankful I had a mobile with me. I agree though that the GD should block the caller, but not delete any messages just yet in case she needs them in her ‘defence’.

Marydoll Fri 25-Jan-19 20:06:57

Not a great position to be in, colournanny, I can understand how difficult this is for you.
Speaking as someone who has had to deal with many incidents like this when I was IT co-ordinator and a member of the management team in my school , my advice is that you have to tell your DD what as happened. If you don't, it may come back to bite you. From past experience, if your daughter eventually finds out, she may believe that you have broken her trust, by not telling her.
Forewarned is forearmed.
Imagine if the other parent approaches your daughter and she knows nothing about it, then discovers you already know, I don't think she will be too happy.
Only if the messages were sent whilst the girls were on school premises, can the school become involved, otherwise the parents need to deal with it.
Under no circumstances, approach the other child to discuss it.
You are the responsible adult here and the sooner you deal with it, the better. These incidents can get out of hand, with all parties getting very upset.
Good luck!

colournanny Fri 25-Jan-19 20:32:47

Thanku To u all
I want to tell my dd but also don’t want to betray my gd trust in that I want her to b able to come to me with anything We have a fantastic relationship
So difficult I keep seeing my gd face & how distraught she was I also explained to her that I hope this is a lesson learnt about saying horrible things

Patsy70 Fri 25-Jan-19 20:39:27

colournanny. In your position, and I have a daughter and granddaughters, I would say to your gd that I think she should tell her mother, but that you would be there with her.

cornergran Fri 25-Jan-19 20:44:31

I think I’d block the other girl on the phone but be sure to keep the messages as ‘evidence’.

Next steps would be to calm my granddaughter down and provide some tlc. Once calm was restored I’d remind her that things we fear are rarely as bad as we expect. Then I would work at persuading my granddaughter that she should tell her mum and offer support to do it so she wasn’t alone. It would also allow intervention with her mum if needed and hopefully provide a calming influence.

It’s such a positive thing that your granddaughter trusts you colournanny, so be open with her and explain why you are thinking that her Mum should be involved. If you go behind her back she is likely to be furious with you. It’s a horrible situation and the more support your granddaughter has the better. Some of it should come from her Mum, hopefully it would once had time to think about it and see her daughter wasn’t totally to blame.

Wishing you well and hoping for a speedy resolution. I imagine you’re worried, I certainly would be.

colournanny Fri 25-Jan-19 20:58:52

Her mum knows now & gd feels better although scared if school becomes involved
But I said she’s got to realise there are consequences to things in life . Hopefully she will learn from this

Patsy70 Fri 25-Jan-19 21:03:47

That is good to hear, colournanny. Life seems so much more complicated for young people these days, don't you think?

colournanny Fri 25-Jan-19 21:06:04

It really is . I feel very anxious about it all xx

Marydoll Fri 25-Jan-19 21:13:34

I'm glad you have managed to get things sorted.
I hope your DGD feels better. She is so lucky to have you as her grandmother.

Anja Fri 25-Jan-19 22:38:27

I’m so glad you’ve persuaded GD to involve mum. You were in a difficult position.

cornergran Fri 25-Jan-19 23:15:00

That sounds better colournanny, sleep well, you deserve to.

colournanny Fri 25-Jan-19 23:17:26

Thanku everybody
My dd obviously loves my gd. she has little patience with her & tends to shout b4 she’s heard dg side of things. I don’t like to c it so I try to b the calming Influance in gd life
Thanks again fellow grans
Have a good weekend

Tangerine Fri 25-Jan-19 23:53:46

Block the caller. Keep messages as evidence. GD might be better to own up to her mother in case there is trouble ahead but suspect the other girl may say nothing as she's been nasty too.

You get a lot of this sort of thing in schools. I can remember people behaving like this in the 60's but without the technology obviously.

Saggi Sat 26-Jan-19 09:00:10

Colournanny your daughter needs to
Know . Talk to your granddaughter and explain to her quietly and sympathetically just why you have to tell your dailughter ...then all of you can have a discussion as to what to do next. Your GD seems as much at fault as other child, so it needs sorting. Like other posters have said ...first block messages ...but don’t delete messages. In this ‘tit-for-tat’ situation you may need the messages backup. Good luck.

GabriellaG54 Sat 26-Jan-19 09:02:12

I gather that your GD sent the initial message, otherwise the other girl would not be telling the school if it was she who instigated the slanging match.
There is no doubt that you must tell your daughter, actually, better that your GD tells her mum with you there. IMO, you could prepare your daughter before you both see her mum, by asking her to keep her cool. That way, when any future problems arise, your GD will feel able to tell her mum knowing that she'll get a fair hearing, possibly a harsh telling off (if derserved) but they can work together for the best outcome.
Taking responsibility for your actions is part of growing up and she needs to be the speaker, not you.
I hope there is a positive outcome and lessons are learned.

ReadyMeals Sat 26-Jan-19 09:03:42

You're gonna get in terrible trouble with your daughter if you help the GD to keep a secret from her, especially a bad secret like this. Your daughter will rightly feel that she should have had a chance to intervene - and you never know, her intervention could have been more relevant and useful than yours. It's hard to directly break a confidence so I would do everything I could to encourage the GD to agree to her mother being told. Offer to do the telling on her behalf, in her absence, and to be there when the mother and GD come face to face for the first time - and encourage the mother not to have an angry outburst when she sees her - which will make it more likely she will turn to her mother in the future.

Marydoll Sat 26-Jan-19 09:04:39

According to colournanny , her DD now knows about the situation.

GabriellaG54 Sat 26-Jan-19 09:28:01

Glad it's sorted grin

ReadyMeals Sat 26-Jan-19 09:32:28

Oh I wish this forum would colour all the posts from the OP like they used to then I might have noticed she'd posted an update smile

Coconut Sat 26-Jan-19 09:37:11

Unfortunately this is just another issue that we now have to educate our kids on. Texts and emails are there forever and cannot be deleted permanently, so they should all be aware of this and never respond to nasty texts etc just get parental or other trusted adult advice.

icanhandthemback Sat 26-Jan-19 09:42:02

It's great that Mum knows now and I hope your DGD has learned her lesson. I'd suggest a letter was written to her sparring partner by DGD apologising for the part she played in this and promising it won't happen again.

4allweknow Sat 26-Jan-19 09:44:16

Why not tell your DD along with you GD. Give support and your presence may keep the situation relatively calm. Your DD has to know. Given the publicity on the effects of on-line problems with young folk your DD definitly should be told about this problem. Get the number blocked immediately.