Advice sought: On DD’s visit from USA last year with DGs (5 & 4yo), meals were a nightmare. Both DG were up/down from the table & greasy fingers went over all furniture/into other rooms. DD was exceedingly cross when I wiped their fingers when I saw them about to ‘get down’ from the table. I accept her view that reprimanding DG may lead to fussy eating/bulimia (though I wasn't reprimanding, except possibly implicitly). In any event we have never experienced eating disorders, thank goodness, in our family at all. In this case, however, both DG were fully engaged with the hand-cleaning (new, warm, damp cloth), until they heard her objecting. Two days of this I put down to jet-lag, travel tiredness, family break-up effect etc. but when it continued after my mild objecting, I absented myself at mealtimes, after replacing my chairs with plastic garden chairs. There were a few other negative aspects of the visit: I suggested an advance birthday party for DDs soon after they arrived so they would have plenty of playthings. My suggestion was heard, but whenever DDs got tetchy, she suggested ‘breaking open’ my wrapped presents, so the pile for birthday celebrations shrank. After their return I limited contact to sending money at Xmas/birthday. But she’s just suggested coming again in a couple of months and I am worried about how to acceptably establish a ‘greasy fingers’ house rule without getting her back up, before she books flights. Or should I just relax & let it all 'wash over me'.
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