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my heart broke today....

(142 Posts)
Morgana Wed 20-Feb-19 18:37:26

when DD said that my precious GD1 had said that she did not like the colour of her skin. She wants to be white like Mummy. She is 4.
Any suggestions as to how to handle this?

lemongrove Wed 20-Feb-19 18:44:25

It’s natural for your DGD to want to look like Mummy, I think I would tell her that she is beautiful, and Mummy doesn’t want her to look any different to how she does.

Elegran Wed 20-Feb-19 18:55:51

I take it that she inherited her skin colour from daddy? Tell her that mummy chose daddy partly because of that - so mummy is so pleased at how she looks.

Elegran Wed 20-Feb-19 18:58:50

Don't assume that she said that because anyone has said anything bad to her. Little girls want curly hair like mummy, or blue eyes like mummy, etc etcf.

BradfordLass72 Wed 20-Feb-19 19:24:11

Make a scrapbook with her of people who look like her. There are many successful people of all ethnicities and you should find heaps of inspiration on the Internet.

I was taught not to make too much of beauty or prettiness - something that's increasingly hard to do in this appearance-conscious world.
A child's self esteem comes from who and what they are as well as how much time we are prepared to spend with them.

I regularly tell my grandson how much I enjoy his company (it's true of course) and miss him when the school holidays are over.

I agree with lemongrove that it is natural for her to want to look like Mummy - but she looks like herself and that's special too.

BlueBelle Wed 20-Feb-19 19:44:24

Don’t please don’t let it break your heart, talk to her about ethnic differences talk about positive role models in history and now and let her know how privledged she is to have the best of both worlds but DONT go on about it

My kids are mixed race and I ve just always talked in positives I don’t remember them ever having any hang ups They knew how I envied them when I was trying to get a tan in Summer Build her self esteem not only about her colour but in all manner
What you make of it is what she ll make if it

sodapop Wed 20-Feb-19 20:12:07

I agree with BlueBelle and the last sentence from BradfordLass is so true.

Coolgran65 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:14:48

We would look at what dgd said from an adult point of view with possibly the wrong slant.
To little dgd it has perhaps been just an offhand remark to mummy, because mummy is so pretty.

There are so many mixed race families, she will find this once she starts school and sees that other mummies or daddies can have different coloured skin.

I'm sure you did feel a little pang. I do hope you are not too upset about her comment and truly wouldn't make too much of it.

EllanVannin Wed 20-Feb-19 20:17:18

Okay, now how do you answer this one ? I have 7 great grandchildren---same father as we all know, 6 children are blonde/fair and one looks like Sabu from the jungle films. He is dark haired, olive-skinned goes deep colour in summer and he has green eyes. Both parents,GP's fair.
He's a startling looking child, but where did he come from ?
He's already asked why he's different, even though he's like a darker image/ version of his father.

I'm aware that there's a European connection in the family but we're going back over 400 years and I also know it's not impossible for that to show through in a family at some point but this difference is causing him problems, behaviourwise at school and at home. He's hard to handle and at an age of self-consciousness at 8.

M0nica Wed 20-Feb-19 20:18:18

As others have said. Do not overthink why your DGD said this. It is highly unlikely to be the result of racism, far more likely to be because she wants to she loves her mummy so much she want's to look like her, or just want to look like her because she is different. I longed to have lovely curly hair like my mother, my hair is dead straight. I doubt your DGD's thought process went any further than that..

Jalima1108 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:25:12

I think I'd just handle it in a matter-of-fact way at the moment - none of my DC look like me at all and I don't look at all like my mother.

Just tell her how lovely she is and how much you all love her as she is.
She's unique - as we all are.

Lily65 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:26:54

one looks like Sabu from the jungle films

Are you for real?

Niobe Wed 20-Feb-19 20:35:26

Oh EllanVanin, words fail me! As an ethnic Indian your post tells a story about your attitudes. No doubt your great grandson is picking up on it too.

Jalima1108 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:37:26

Not your great-grandchild Lily65
EV is describing her own family.

EllanVannin Wed 20-Feb-19 20:48:49

Nothing wrong with Sabu--------he's stunning as is my GGS and doesn't yet realise how lucky he is. A Spanish lady artist drew a beautiful picture of him a few years ago and it hangs on the wall in my GD's living room.
They're all beautiful children but because he is so striking, he stands out.

Lily, I don't need your input once again---you're tedious !

EllanVannin Wed 20-Feb-19 20:51:29

Oh shut up Niobe. I don't need your sixpenn'orth either.

Niobe Wed 20-Feb-19 20:53:16

Defensive much EV?

Jalima1108 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:53:25

Well, if EV meant Sabu the actor, it is a real compliment as he was stunningly handsome (I would say beautiful).

How lovely, Ellan, he must be a gorgeous boy.

Lily65 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:54:02

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Lily65 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:54:55

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Lily65 Wed 20-Feb-19 20:56:07

oh and OP, nice story

EllanVannin Wed 20-Feb-19 20:57:35

Jalima---exactly. Although I say it myself, his looks are something else.

EllanVannin Wed 20-Feb-19 20:59:35

I fail to see what's wrong in describing someone who looks like Sabu. It's a compliment as far as I'm concerned, being his proud GGmother !

Elegran Wed 20-Feb-19 21:10:44

I've just seen a Facebook link to a Youtube video of Nat King Cole. If I said someone looked like him, would Lily accuse me of racism too? A very good-looking man who also looked nice - and he could sing too!

Lily65 Wed 20-Feb-19 21:20:14

A completely different conversation. A black man born to black parents ( who incidentally suffered racial abuse)

Not the same as describing a child born of blonde, Anglo Saxon parents as "like Sabu from the junglefilms"