Redundant gran

Absolutely Buffy this is what happens when you give up your own life for your children. Don't want to sound bitter but here we are now twiddling our thumbs.

Good to see I'm not alone. I filled the gap with a wee dog and believe me it works... its good for both of us with the walks and you meet and chat with other dog owners.

Let this be a lesson to us all to keep a few other interests going.

I have only ever been on holiday with my daughter and her daughter once, to Cyprus. I've never been on holiday with my son and his children. They are a lot more active than I am as I am asthmatic and have bad knees and they are always running or kayaking or cycling. We all get on well and I am lucky to see my son sometimes, but all the others are at uni or working now. Gransnet occupies at least an hour a day, sometimes longer, but I read a lot and study Spanish and of course I am always writing. I go on holiday alone and always enjoy them as they are escorted so I don't need to plan or anything. I see all my family at Christmas. Life goes on, just keep busy.

Feel blessed that you are alive and can now do all sorts of things for yourself. My DD s MiL did masses of childminding for all her grandchildren.

At this time last year she said to.me that come September she was looking forward to seeing her friends and getting back to painting. She died in August.Bank Holiday aged 69.
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Never say never. My mum in her 80s began holidaying with me my DS and his DS. She loved it. We had a week away every summer until she died aged 95. My GD who is 6 still talks about her "Nanna" and how much she misses her. We have lovely photos of her on the sette with her 2 youngest GGCs. So holidays may come back and you may find yourself one day with a GGC. Meantime build a life of your own and congratulate yourself on helping your GCs grow up.

at university

We used to look after our granddaughter and see her a lot. When she passed her driving test she used to pop in her car and come over here.She's at university now, and we miss her but that's the way it goes. We keep in touch and see her each time she comes home.

Moomoo that is so sad. Perhaps your sister couldn't cope with children. But it does seem odd not to offer anything although we shouldn't judge. I hope the poor dad gets sorted.

Oh Jacksgran I feel for you.
My 3 older GC don't need me anymore TBH but still like to come over for Gransma's cooking sometimes.
I do still have 3 smaller ones but they grow up so quickly.
Now is YOUR time though. Look around the area & see what you can do just for you -do you like rambling,lunch clubs,WI, theatre trips? there is so much on offer for the older generation these days & it doesn't have to cost the earth either.
There may come a time when you are too busy to see them rather than the other way round.
Please tell us the circumstances. There is bound to be someone on the site who has experience of it whatever it is.
Sending hugs.

I think anyone who is still alive when their grandchildren get to an age when they can come home from school on their own/make their own dinner/stay on their own ......is incredibly lucky.

Agree GabriellaG54. I was going to post a positive comment but then realized it might not be appropriate until we know more of what has happened.

The OP needs to tell us more so we can tailor our comments to the situation.

If you're feeling redundant - no matter what the reason - and you want another job as a grandparent, there are agencies that pair older people with families who need after-school care for their kids etc. Nice part-time work and you have the pleasure of being with children again. There is also respite care work but of course you have to go through fostering training for that.

You OK hun?

School pick up for 1 GC only when visiting and GCs parents away on holiday or at work. Live so far away need to make it a fairly long visit to make it worthwhile. Other GC also lives a distance but do undertake weekends and a bit of school holiday care. Not all devote time on a daily basis but can appreciate you will have a gap to fill. Will take time but sure you will eventually enjoy not having the daily commitment.

I invite them for lunch at the weekend . Mum enjoys not having to cook at least one meal. If that's not a possibility, then think about a little dog. I've had mine for nearly 4 years now, it gives you exercise and fresh air you speak to different people and you can always talk to the dog. It's a beautiful morning here in Scotland and we have just been to the beach. It's a great cure for loneliness or feeling not needed.

The world is your oyster, find some new hobbies. Join some classes. Join a walking group. These things will bring some new friends. Maybe you could enjoy some holidays with some friends. You’re not a redundant gran, you’ve done your bit and it’s now time to enjoy life doing other things. This will give interesting things to talk about when your family visits. I found my children used to talk to my mum about things they wouldn’t talk was to me about. She was very wise and a good listener. I worried less about them as I knew if they had any worries mum was always there for them.

I'm with MOnica on this in that I don't live close enough to be of regular service. However, JG, give yourself a huge pat on the back for a job well done and all the pleasure (and sometimes maybe 'inconvenience') you've had over the years. As said by many others, there is a lovely life to be had out there for those of us of more mature years. I'm lucky enough to be experiencing that. Go for it! Good luck.

Jacksgran - why? What is wrong please? Someone may have ideas but we can’t quite grasp the extent or type of problem.

I'm at the stage where all my grandchildren are aged 7 and under. I am called upon to help out. I can't imagine the other end of the scale where I'm not needed. I will have to roll with the punches when that happens.

My Sister has just lost her Daughter age 30 to cancer just before Christmas 2018. My Niece has 3 children age 2, 3, and 6 they are now with their Dad who is trying to do a job 3 days a week and look after them. Their dad has asked my sister to help out and pick them up from school for them 3 days.I cannot understand the fact My sister who lives on her own has refused to help out with the grandchildren because as she says she has a life of her own and goes out with her friends. She will be 70 in September. I just cannot believe how selfish she is. I would help if I could but they live in the North of Englandand I live in the South.

Like everything else to do with retirement, it needs to be planned in advance. When I started looking after DGD a day a week with occasional sleepovers, I did know that she'd eventually be at school full-time. It was a temporary arrangement to build a relationship with her that hopefully will last into adulthood.
But of course I do feel for all the grandparents for whom a huge hole in their lives is opening up.

My Grandsons are now grown up and living away, but they always call to see me when they come home for the weekend and we keep in touch by phone and email. It is a stage of life .Like our children, we have to let them go and make their own way in life, just as we did.

Jacksgran just a new bit opening up in the cycle of life. Your grandchildren will also come and chat to you when they dont always want to chat to parents. They will always be your grandchildren.

If you have a gap in your life and enjoy children, have you thought of helping in primary schools. My gs is dyslexic and gets enormous help from an eighty year old scribe even at grammar school. Lots of help needed and you could get great enjoyment x