Morbid Thoughts

B9exchange a bit frustrating must be the understatement of the year!
As you get older it's impossible to not think about death. All you can do is get your affairs in order for some peace of mind. Then enjoy life as much as possible and try to not dwell on it. It's difficult if you have health problems that stop you going out and mixing and doing things you like.. Then you have to really fight to stay positive. (I'm so glad we have Gransnet.) People don't like to talk about it as they might depress their partner. Getting old is not for the fainthearted.
Sebstar what I do is try to book some treats like theatre or concerts. I don't always make them but something to look forward to helps. When you get a sunny day take a picnic and go somewhere nice like a NT property.
I don't actually know what doctors can do about this?

My friend died last Thursday and it really shocked my DH and me. It made us nicer to each other for a few days as I suppose we realised that one day we wouldn't have each other. Getting over the shock now and getting back to normal. Makes you think though.

It's inevitable that you would think about it. I'm 70 and DH is 81 ....I'm aware that in the natural order of things, he'll probably go before me. It's sad to think of it, but there's nothing we can do about it. We've organised things so that I'll be as comfortable as possible if the inevitable happens. In the meantime we treat life as an adventure to be enjoyed each day.

I would guess that most of us on Gransnet have fewer years ahead than we have behind us. I would guess that most of our families will manage when we're gone, but if they loved us in the first place, they won't stop the loving. I would also guess that some us will go gentle into that good night and some of us will rage, rage – and, sadly, some will have no choice.

I think that a certain fear of death is entirely normal - we are biologically programmed for survival, and acknowledging that this is going to come to an end is bound to be a challenge.

I am forced to think about it quite a bit; my OH is slowly fading away; and my DGC always come out with things like - "If you are going to get a pet you had better do it soon before you die!" - don't you just luv'em!!

The only time that I really think about it is when I wish I could be around to see more of my GC's achievements as the become adults.

I have had two weird collapsing episodes on the last couple of years (the last time left me unconscious for 40 mins) , and once I was out I was out and knew nothing. I found that a comfort in terms of thinking about death.

I agree with the others that it is normal to think of death more as we get older and I too think of it more as I age and contemporaries die but we have to try not to dwell on it. Is it the actual dying you are afraid of or are you just sad that your life will have passed? I have been present at several deaths and I don't think most of us need worry too much about that aspect as most deaths these days are peaceful.
Our deaths affect our families much more than us and I can understand too if it's this aspect you are sad about but unfortunately all we can do is to leave our affairs in reasonable order and hope to leave our loved ones with happy memories. You are not old at 71 and probably have many, many years ahead to enjoy.

I decided this is normal when you are in your 70s. I have several friends who have died and friends and family who have debilitating illness and I find myself thinking "I wonder what will get me"? I am not so concerned about death but what comes before that. However I recently went to a talk about death and discovered there are "soul midwives" around to ease the process which I found comforting. I think about it. And then I put it in a box and get on with life.

I am a bit like you FENNEL. I don't tell anyone in case they think I am odd but I look forward to death as an exciting part of life. It will just be the next stage and if I died tomorrow, I've had a good life and I want people to celebrate my passing.

I am clearly unusual here. I actually long to pass over. I don’t use the term death because my faith teaches me that no one dies, & I believe that only the shell that is the body which has served us during our time on earth dies. I ask God every day to release me. I lost my husband just over a year ago & I am alone. Life has become a matter of painfully surviving each day. Of course, like so many others, I am concerned about in what way the life of my old & wrinkled body will end. I pray that it might be quick & without too much pain.

I too worry about this to the point that I was thinking I would die overnight suddenly. My Dad died when I was 24 of a heart attack and I am two years younger than when he died. My Mam also died of cancer and dementia three years ago, I think since then my anxiety about it has got bad. I visited my gp who referred me to cardiology and had a stress echo test, it doesn’t prove you have no plaque but it did reassure me when the dr said my heart was healthy. I go for counselling next week and I will hopefully chat about this too. I think when we loose both parents it’s natural to think about it.

I am also 71 and I also worry about dying. Also I (crazily) think I might seem to be dead but I might still be able to think. How mad is that!
I forget things often and worry about losing my mental capacity. I know many of the answers on Pointless especially the well-known faces but I struggle to remember their names!!

I’m 57 and I always think I have at least another 20yrs and will think that always no matter what age I am.

Don't worry - once you're dead you forget about it so live for today and be thankful for everything that makes you happy

Exactly the same as me a couple of years ago. I eventually went to the Doctors, had blood tests and found I was deficient in vitamin D. I’ve taken prescribed vitamin D tablets since then and I’ve had no more morbid thoughts. It’s well worth getting a blood test.

We didn’t exist before we were conceived and we won’t exist after we die, except in the memories of those we leave behind.

I've had a good life and I want people to celebrate my passing

I’m still waiting for the good bit though dollyjo and fear that time might be running out .

Perhaps you are depressed?

I live with 70+ diagnosed illnesses/conditions, some chronic & progressive and I never feel like this. Maybe if you think of all the people who die very young/in middle-age, and who aren't given the chance to enjoy a relatively long life it would help. Although I have all this 'ill-health' going on, I realise how lucky I am compared to people coping with more than me - the bed-ridden, the wheelchair bound - and so I enjoy every minute of my life.

It is so sad you are spoiling life for yourself by not living in the moment. I'd guess that though you maybe don't perhaps think so, your low mood/fixation on dying is having an adverse effect on your husband too, simply by your demeanour.

Speak to him about this, and given he is a 'live life' type of guy, let him give you some tips/help and together endeavour to find enjoyment and joy in your life together.

Try Mindfulness. Also, Headspace, a meditation app.

You can access all this info online.

If you haven’t heard of mindfulness, it basically means living in the present moment. Easier said than done, I know. But do have a look at it Sebstar. I’m sure you would find it helpful.

I din't 'fear' death but I just want to go on living...forever.
I'm sure that most of us love life and the thought of not being here to see our GC grow into adulthood and to enjoy just being here and doing the every day things that we do, can be a bit upsetting.
As we age we become more aware of our mortality, especially when we hear of friends and aquaintances who have left this mortal coil for pastures new. It's a fact that young people don't, in general, think this way but age brings infirmities to the fore and retirement brings us closer to our natural death.
I can't, unfortunately, offer you any solace except to encourage your participation in outside activties as much as possible and live in the present, enjoying all that life has to offer.
Many activities which cost little or nothing are walks, galleries, museums and making new friends.
Joining a WI or U3A can fulfil some of the above.
I send you good wishes and hope you can envisage a brighter outlook. It just needs some determination and positivity.

I think when you reach your seventies you think about dying a whole lot more. I suppose it’s the 3 score and 10 thing. But why blight the time you’ve got left by worrying something you have very little control over? I have just trained my brain not to go there! Just enjoy whatever time you’ve got left.

Sebstar I feel exactly the same as you. I have had ill health
since 47. Something that can’t be cured but could kill me any second of any day by a brain haemorrhage. I also suffer from acute depression and high blood pressure. I can’t take anti depressants because they cause low sodium which I also have. My doctors are all pretty useless and I have found throughout the years that unless you have something very straightforward GP’s are useless. Any medication I take I react to with something negative. For the last three years I have had chronic pain that has made walking difficult, so I can’t exercise much although of course that doesn’t help my high blood pressure.......So yes I think about death all the time, and I also have a husband who has been no help to me whatsoever.

Some sympathy - quite normal I think.
You have reached the magic three score and ten - everything else is a bonus - try to see it like that and be a bit more like your husband.

din't don't

This is perhaps one of the most miserable threads I have seen on Gransnets. I have never been a well person as I have had asthma since the age of 5, that is 73 years. Many times I have thought I was dying and did not. I do not know if I am religious of not as sometimes I believe in God and sometimes not. I say virtually the same prayers every night and if I go to church which is about once or twice a month and that too is very much the same every time I go, I think, God must be very bored hearing the same prayers and hymns all over the world...
We all must go one day. I just hope for me it is sudden such as a heart attack and not long drawn out dementia and a stroke such as my poor husband suffered.
Since he died I have been on 7 holidays and enjoyed each one. If I am well enough I will have another soon.
Life is for living, not for worrying about the inevitable.
Sebstar, you still have your husband and I just wish I were as young as you!!!

Think everyone does as we get older I'm 60 next year think I'll evaluate then knowing me!