Morbid Thoughts

I don't really fear death, but do worry about having a stroke or heart attack when I'm here alone.
Also, I'm forever trying to tidy cupboards, clear out paperwork etc. so that my family don't have a real mess to deal with after I've gone.
It seems a great pity to let fear of death spoil the time we have left. Best to just take each day as it comes and find pleasure in small things.

The thing that worries me is should I be buried or cremated? I hate the thought of both, and what if I’m not really dead and I wake up in an oven or down in the hole! Mad, but it niggles me a lot!

My finances are not as good as I would like and I think if I run out of money I will be a joiner like Gabby and others and try to be involved in various activities outside the home.
Good luck and get on with your still young life!!!

I am a Nurse and not afraid of dying, but occasionally I do think about what happens when I am gone,and can I do anything about it -- NO. I try to plan future events, travel etc, and not get morbid, I am in good health, thankfully and both my parents lived to a ripe old age, so there is hope for the future, and yes I am getting on a bit.

I think when you accept it is normal and not some weird way to think then you are half way there to coming to terms with NOW. A friend of mine died suddenly aged 50 and it really made me think but my thoughts were about enjoying my life for however long it lasts. It made me appreciate things and to stop worrying about stuff that was not really worthy of worry. I am not saying you are wrong to think about death I am saying you are normal and at least it proves you are alive and well.

I recommend the book 'With The End in Mind. How to Live and Die Well' by Kathryn Mannix, a palliative care doctor.

My oldest granddaughter got married on Saturday and at 75 I realise that I'm most unlikely to see any (as yet unborn) great grandchildren get married, but I'll keep on trying. It is natural to think about death - my husband died three years ago after a long illness and I do wonder who would look after me if I needed the sort of care he did but these are usually 3.00 am thoughts that vanish with the daylight. Old age isn't for wimps but being positive has to be the way - I don't want to go to my deathbed thinking of all the opportunities and fun I missed by worried about my demise.

I sometimes think about death but only in practical terms such as keeping my affairs in order to save DD as much hassle as possible. I need to review my will & put Power of Attorney in place. I have talked to DD about my wishes.

I am 63, I was widowed at 57, my DH was 72. My DF died when I was 23 he was only 49, that age caused some reflection but I'm still here.

My DM has just celebrated her 90th Birthday & many of the female line have lived into their 90s, there's hope for me yet.

I take a positive attitude to life, enjoying as many experiences as health problems allow. I'm also very practical if slightly disorganised. My Diabetic Nurse said at my recent Annual Review "we need to look after you as you're only young" made me feel good

As others have said dying doesn't worry me but Dementia/MND/Strokes leaving me unaware/unable to live my life well do but I don't dwell on things.

At 70 years old, I’ve done my ‘three score and ten’, so naturally I have made arrangements for my departure, but can’t say I worry about it very much.
In Sweden, they apparently have a wonderful habit called ‘death cleansing’ which you can practice at any age. It’s an efficient way of dealing with clutter.
What you do, as you carry out daily routines, is to ask yourself if any possession would be a nuisance to those you leave behind. If it would, then unless you really need it, chuck it out now and save them the bother. It’s rather good, and puts a very positive spin on dying!
My biggest fear, and one that haunts me constantly, is that I might lose one of my beloved children or grandchildren. I know that people do cope with such devastating loss, but I don’t think I could!
Maybe I’m a little depressed myself in having these awful thoughts - I know they occupy far too much of my time, and my children say I’m over protective and that I fuss too much.
I can accept that we get old and die - that’s the natural order of things, but for someone be snatched away from life and loved ones in infancy or youth is so horrible a tragedy that it’s hard to comprehend.

I went through this phase in my late 50s, realising that I was definitely on the way down the other side of the hill, but now, at 67, it's passed fortunately. I am reasonably relaxed in an "I am unlikely to die tomorrow" sort of way.

Nanny41 as you are a nurse you will understand what I am talking about - I just wish that if I die in hospital I will be allowed to remain at room temperature long enough to make sure rigor and livor mortis has begun before I am put into cold storage. That's the only thing I fear, being put into a hypothermic state not fully dead, then waking up as I warm in the cremator. I know the bed has to be made available quickly, but if there was a room temperature zone in the mortuary where bodies could remain for a while I'd be comforted.

I'm 71 and I've finally decided I'm not too worried about dying. It's the lead up to it I'm worried about. Being ill and incapacitated that's my fear. Have a stroke and vegging out for years. My mother in law died at 93. She was fit as a fiddle until 90 when she had a stroke then she had dysphasia which meant some days she was clear as a bell and other days lost in the murk. How cruel was that. LIve each day and don't worry so much. You can't stop it so stay fit and stay positive. What else can you do?

With three friends I've been reading and thinking about death - it is something we all know will happen, but usually don't talk about. Whatever we try to ignore, especially if it is something we fear, will come back more strongly into our minds. I've found that talking to others has made me much less afraid of death. The wheel turns - and I've been here quite a long time now. Many traditions encourage us to think about death, as it makes us more aware of the preciousness of our lives right now - and probably less inclined to get caught up with small stuff that doesn't really matter. A non spiritual book, which helped me , is Staring at the Sun, by Irvin Yallom. And also - from a very different angle - The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
I do hope for the OP that writing about her fears and having so many compassionate responses, will help, as would talking to someone well able to listen and understand.

Death is inevitable for all of us!!

I live each day as if it could be my last. I let my family know how much they are loved and how I will always be with them in spirit.
I think experimenting with DMT when younger which showed me 'the other side' I absolutely have no fears about dying. Before anyone condemns me for drug use, it was not something I entered into lightly but was interested to find out more and is not something I intend to repeat.
I try and keep my affairs in order so that if I was to 'pop off' unexpectedly my family would have less to worry about.
I'm not in anyway religious but would say I'm spiritual.
Each to their own, but death to me is seen as a transition into the next dimension!

There is on certainty in life - we are all going to die. None of us know where or when and we will all leave our lives nad family behind. Worrying about it won't do you any good. A visit to the doctor might help but try not to dwell on it - difficult I know.

I think about this more since I was in hospital last year and bled heavily after an operation.It was quite a long time before a brilliant registrar managed to stop the bleeding and then I needed two blood transfusions. I have to admit that ,at the time, I felt very scared and wondered which way this was going to go.
Since then I have made a very good recovery and reconnected with friends, activities etc. I lost my DH very suddenly just over 10 years ago, aged 66.
In general I try to enjoy each day as it comes-mostly- but at times do worry about what will happen one day. It doesn’t help that, each day I see funerals going past where I live on the way to a new Crematorium not far away.

I find myself thinking too much about dementia and serious illness , probably because my mum and mum in law both have dementia and my dad has several serious illnesses . I am hoping to go by surprise one day before I develop any of this. But it goes through my head several times a day and fears for what will happen to my parents who are unlikely to go together , and repeating the nightmare trying to get my mum in law into a local care home

Well I got into the habit of living for today . I am a Christian so I am more interested in where I will spend Eternity and not here on Earth.
We will all die at some stage and other than looking after your own health there is nothing we can do about that.
So look after your spiritual health as that is a priority. Enjoy life now.

It's weird when you surpass the age when your own mother died. You have no time line to follow. I see every year that I am older than my beloved mum as a bonus. She died aged 54...I am 63!

Jessycake that prompts me to talk about a dilemma I have. Both my parents died suddenly, unexpectedly and painlessly of sudden cardiovascular events that stopped blood getting to the brain - not painful heart attacks. They simply fell asleep on the spot - my father was in the middle of decorating the house and my mother was in a hospital bed after a routine test and about to be discharged to go home. Witnesses said they just appeared to doze off. Now in my case, the doctor is pro-actively encouraging me to take statins, bp medicine etc to try and avoid all that. My dilemma is, do I want to get a few more years of life simply to be in agony with cancer (or sick with chemo) for up to 5 of those years, or being bullied and abused in a care home with dementia... or do I just want to fall asleep some time in the next 10 years like my dad and mum?

Oh what a great attitude to have so inspiring to us all!Well said! If only we could all have a great get to together it would be truly uplifting and inspiring! Any ideas for this ?

I also think about dying a lot and I am only 54!
It started when my DM died 10 years ago, and I became the only surviving member of my side of the family; my mother was only 70 when she died and DF had died at 68.As all GP’s had died before age 74 I started to feel that an early death was inevitable!
Last year I DID nearly die of sepsis and that made me really concentrate on trying to arrange my affairs! I hope it’s in a constructive way (down sizing, clearing and decluttering) but my AC’s do accuse me of being a bit morbid these days as I tend to refer to dying more than I did.
Like Gillybob my main worry is the effect of my not being around on the family and that was the factor that really panicked me when I faced the real chance of not surviving last year!

We are the same age as you and yes I worry a bit one of going and how life will be after. We do talk about it and have planned a little. I have put together a cookbook of his favourite dishes written in a way that he can't fail to understand. I have put together a book with al the details of how to manage my daughters affairs, bank login, Asda logins, shopping details etc and all her contacts. This is the one area that worries me, how she will manage. We do talk about death in our family and arrangements after. Sometimes when we are driving and I hear a particular song I say right thats the one to played at my funeral and her has told me he might move into a smaller place a year or so after. I think by talking about it the fear goes a little. My son knows our wishes and where everything is kept. I don't worry about actually dying as I was with both my mum and dad when they peacefully went and I believe that will be me as well.

Hello Sebstar, thank you for bringing this subject up. I have had a death phobia since I was age 11, I am now 67. I am afraid of death it self and what happens after. I had the most horrendous panic attacks. I have seen a psychiatrist, been on medication, had CBT, read self help books, done meditation, had hypnosis, talked to my local vicar, talked to friends, took to alcohol to get away from the thoughts. I have come across death I was with my mum and dad when they died a couple of years ago and just recently last November was with my niece when she died of cancer at 30 years old. After all of this I still have the phobia. I am trying to have acceptance and learn it is out of my control. To deal with the thoughts I try and not attach myself to them. They are just Thoughts. I like the serenity prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.

I read once that paracetamol is helpful for existential dread, have you tried that MooM00?