Morbid Thoughts

I will be 80 this year. My husband died at 81, 4 years ago, after many years of ill-health. I have lost a lot friends in the last few years, and another has been 'on the brink' for months. She is 90, riddled with cancer, and the most serene person I have ever known!

Another elderly friend has vowed to drop dead, from a heart attack, while being chased by a jealous wife!

I do wonder when my own time will come, and hope that it will be quick and peaceful. It grieves me that I probably won't see my 2 year-old Aussie GD grow up, but her parents are getting married in November, in Australia, and I WILL be walking my DD down the aisle! The plane tickets are booked, and death is not expected to intrude on those plans!

I don't know how many more times this elderly body can sit through that long journey, but I hope to be able to visit for a few more years. Time will tell. Thank heavens for Facetime! I was up 'til 2 a.m. chatting to them, this morning.

Death is just the next exciting stage in our lives, when we find out "what's around the corner." Maybe we just get recycled, like most of nature does. Maybe there is a wonderful after-life. Who knows? Yes, I will regret leaving this earth, and the people I love, but they will get on with their own lives, as everyone does. I hope that they will remember me fondly.

I practise mindfulness to help me overcome anxieties like this. A great quote I read recently " If you are depressed, you are living in the past, If you are anxious, you are living in the futur, If you are at peace , you are living in the present" - Lao Tzu. I highly recommend mindfulness to focus on the present, it really worked for me after my young daughter and my dad died within a few months of each other, I fret that any family were at risk of imminent death all the time, lay awake worrying about it every night. Mindfulness helped me through it, without pills!

I have had a death phobia since I was age 11, I am now 67. I am afraid of death it self and what happens after

Reading your post (and looking back) MooM00 I think I have always felt like this too. I remember a policeman knocking on our door when I was 11 (I had only just started grammar school). It was early in the morning and my dad had already left for work. My mum was ready to leave and I was getting ready for school. I remember him telling my mum that my grandfather (my dads, dad) had been found dead. He would have been mid-fifties. My mum went to pieces right there in front of me and I was very afraid. My mum and dad being what they were, I was never offered an explanation or a reason for his sudden death and was absolutely forbidden to be around when the grown ups spoke about it in hushed voices. The idea of going to his funeral would have been out of the question.

My older cousin was awful and told me so many horror stories and graphic accounts (most probably untrue) of how he had died that I had nightmares for months after.

I think looking back my fear of death and dying probably stems from this.

It is only natural to think of death and scenarios. I wish more people were open to talking about it as it would help.
I think of it as a great adventure....just difficult to get my head around the transition part. I know my guardian angel has been with since birth and will 'carry me up' at death.

We never, (cannot die), thanks to Jesus. As one person said, they are more concerned where they end up. There is a 'hell'...another word many people don't like to hear or talk about. There is also 'purgatory' ....an intermediate state after physical death for expiatory purification. This state exists so those being purified can be helped by the prayers of the living.

My aim is 'heaven.' We all have a choice in life as to how we live our lives. None of us are perfect, but I do strive to live a good life and help others where I can.
I love my husband and family, and of course would have concerns leaving them, but I pray to God for their well being and safety.
Families fall out....but I would say, try to be reconciled, whatever the situation, before you die.
The greatest gift is LOVE, keep this in your heart, it can overcome obstacles. Bless you all x

Well said Sebstar x

I am 80 and tend to think I am fortunate to have reached this age without too many health problems- however my husband is 86 and now seems to have all sorts of health problems building up. Just enjoy the fact that you are still alive and do whatever you want to while you are able

@EllanVannin your encouraging words are uplifting to us all - Bless you

Sorry meant my message was referring to Day 6 message not Sebstar. ?

Hi Sebstar. Just by reading the comments in here you must realise just how common and natural it is so worrying is just making your days unhappy.
As we all know ,death is unrgoing to happen s and we can’t escape it (not that I would want to ), my mother and my father (god rest them) both died in their early 70s so I always worried when I reached my 70s I would join them. I think the only thing I achieved from that worry was almost white hair. I think since my mid 70s I have been living on borrowed time and now I am 82 I just wonder if I will reach 83 but I have stopped worrying about it and I advise you to do the same. Think about it ,prepare for it if you want but don’t worry about it and I wish you and your husband. A long(er) and happy life

DH and I have both spent the last 2 weeks in the same hospital - he was suspected of heart failure, but this was changed to liver disease. I have recurrent diabetic complications. Because we live with chronic disease and at present have serious personal financial issues, we are tempted to stop wasting NHS resources and just give in, knowing that we are ready to die, knowing that we have no family apart from MIL and DS, both capable of coping without us.

My thoughts were headed in this way as well. But in December my daughter and I were involved in a serious accident that could have killed us both. We both survived and the plus side believe it or not it ended those thoughts.

I now have a different take on death and that is it can happen and it's simply lights out we are done. It makes everything in my life magnified and more pleasurable.

Also here in the U.S. it seems to me that my generation I am 60 have a preoccupation with illness's and talking about them It feels like I can barely remember a conversation that did not involved health care, someone being sick, someone dieing etc. So now I limit my time with those people and try to hang out more with my children and other younger people. It sounds harsh but I think you need to insulate yourself from being around that kind of age related negativity.

Not sure if any of that helps but hope that it does!

LIfe is to be lived and it’s how you live it that counts.
I am 73 my husband is 78 we live in the now, we know one day death will come, when who knows just make the most of each day and enjoy your family,friends.

There are strategies you can use to reduce your fears. A really good one is to put your affairs in order! Many people think making a will is morbid. It's not! Once done, it's a huge weight off your mind. It's especially important if you own your house. Many solicitors offer a reasonable rate for a simple will. My mother-in-law got a DIY will form and made an awful mess of filling it in, legally speaking. It was just lucky that it worked out OK.

Once that's done, think about decluttering. Many posters on GN have described how they've decluttered to save their family that job. You could invite a friend to help you.

Once that's in hand, (the practical side of things), use distraction. Make a list of the good things in your life and, if you've got time to worry about death (you'll be too busy decluttering) use your list to distract your thoughts. If death pops into your head, tell yourself NO! and substitute a pleasant thought. It will help to break the habit of dwelling on worrying thoughts.

A brilliant website called FutureLearn (find it with a Google search) runs a regular Mindfulness course. It's free and it's enjoyable. It teaches us to live in the moment, avoid ruminating and that worrying is futile because it changes nothing. Action is what counts if you're worrying about something you can change. All other worrying is a waste of time.

Note to self (1): If it's so easy, why haven't you done it?I

Actually, I have made my will and at least my loft is empty, although that's only because we never put the stuff back after getting new insulation!

Note to self (2): Get rid of the clutter! Start today! You can do it! Fight the hopelessly lazy side of you that says, tomorrow....

Don't hold your breath on that last one, folks...?

Thank goodness for posts like this! Surely big part of Gransnet blessings is relief of discovering you're not alone with your worries, and exchange ideas and info to help each other. (Yes, I certainly worry intensely at times about my own &/or my husband's death, but it helps a lot to recognise that it's quite normal to).

I know what you mean I go through moments of feeling like that and then think come on get a grip, the sun is shining and you can put one foot in front of the other. My neighbour is 103 still baking, going out when she feels like it and able to have lovely chats with, just look on it as a phase and it will pass

Because we live with chronic disease and at present have serious personal financial issues, we are tempted to stop wasting NHS resources

Skyweek1 This has to be one of the saddest posts I have ever read on GN (and I have been here since the beginning).

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but sadly I don't think there is . I do wish I could win the lottery and take away your financial worries (I know exactly how hard it can be) and I wish you relief and comfort from your illnesses. sending you and wishing you lots of

I am so pleased with this post, it gets into the open and makes you realise that you are not the only one. I think my next steps to have a declutter and get my son and gc to help to see what they would like to keep. Other than that life is for the living and we are going on another adventure (ask we call it) next. Going away with no plans and just see what happens .

Some of you might like to see a local performance of 'Outside the Box' www.fullcircleproductions.org.uk/

which is 'funny, wise and taboo busting; Outside The Box confronts the ‘Elephant in the room’ with grace and humour, asking its audience to embrace mortality and look on the bright side of life, with a weave of untold and surprising stories, a hint of history and some pithy commentary on the funeral industry'

Why not take a friend and get those discussions going? I have no connections with this company, but our local hospice recommended it.

I do think it's natural to think about it more as you get older. From rarely encountering it in our youth, we're surrounded by it...aging parents, our peers telling us their ailments, celebs our age dying...And of course our own aging, aches and pains.
I think you need to settle in your mind what you think about an afterlife. When queries about religion, whether you're doing enough, are besetting you but never dealt with...I think they become an additional stressor, floating round in back of mind.
Would you really want it all again? I'm a pretty content 56 yr old..but once is enough for me!
I think we naturally slow down a bit, want a simpler life. Just think...everyone has to die. You're not singled out, it's a given for all. So the best we can do is make most of every opportunity. Immerse yourself in an interesting hobby, get as many days out as you can, just keep busy, active, achieving.
We all fear suffering...but for so many death is swift, or thanks to modern medicines just a sleepy time of gradually fading away (my 90-something aunt is in final stages of cancer but pain-free and just asleep most of time.)
Make enjoying every day your priority. xxx

Afeica33 - what's DMT?
Use of negative words ie 'morbid' to describe natural curiosity of an inevitable event, stifles open honest debate... sooooo glad to hear from Veda Jimbow15 who know that we are not bodies evolved from an imaginary chemical soup without a soul but precious eternal souls with a body. You may be fascinated to discover your genetic mitochodrial DNA goes back to just one woman, not a procession of apes .
Greengran asks who knows where we will end up - I recommend a book called the Bible.
Its wonderful message makes me happy I'm alive but boy, am I looking forward to eternity! God bless you all, GN'ers

I'm the same Sebstar,have been for years,since my mum died when I was 20. I saw a counsellor but that didn't help.Hate thinking and feeling like this,wish I could turn off the thoughts in my head

I lost my mother to cancer and father to alzheimers. Now I am in my sixtys I am scared of illness and dying. I try to not think about it but every now and then something triggers those sad thoughts.

Ah poor u I think its natural to think of death as u get older it's something that doesn't bother younger people I guess I sometimes wonder how it will happen and can't imagine myself not being here but it's inevitable try as one of the ladies before said to push it from yr mind and replace it with a good thought not as easy as I think I know but worth a try, sending good thoughts to u

I doubt if there would be any comfy cosy beds in Heaven. So, not for me thanks. I do like my bed.

I think it will be exactly how it was before we were born. Remember that?

I went through a phase back in my late twenties/early thirties, when I was scared at bedtimes that I would die in my sleep. Think it must have been a post-natal thing. Funnily enough now, in my late seventies, I don't give it a thought.