I nudged her...

Ohmother you answered your question in the first sentence "and wants to arrange a wedding _how she would like it_" It's her big day, end of story.

I'm one of the ones wondering why families can't talk about things. My children and I seem to be able to talk about most stuff. DS sometimes says "I don't want this to go any further" but DD and I just seem to know if we don't want things repeated. Of course life was easier because we only had 4 weeks to organise her wedding so there was no time to argue about any of it!

Your daughters must communicate Ohmother?
So why is your daughter not speaking to her Sister herself?
She could, as others have mentioned, ask her, if she was having bridesmaids or not? Then carry on from there.
I think that it could cause problems, if you "nudge", as you say, as she may think that you've both been talking behind her back.
My daughter's best friend was getting married, her twin girls 7 asked would they be asked to be bridesmaids, as it was "Auntie* ----
When she realized that it wasn't to be, she bought them both the most beautiful party dresses (as near as bridesmaids, without being obvious) and they had a great time, without all the stress and nerves of walking down the aisle etc.

What a very good idea Buffy and much better than long faces or the risk of a friendship ruined.

I would tell your DD’s to talk to each other OP.
Some women won’t have children at their wedding ( I think it’s bizarre mind you!)
Don’t risk a bust up , these things so easily happen in families, especially around weddings.

Just keep out it. If it goes wrong you stand a chance of getting the blame. It’s the brides day and her choice

I don’t really think any conversation needs to take place.
I’m assuming the bride knows the child exists. She will know that she could ask the child to have role. She has chosen not to.

This is her wedding. The sister has no right to be annoyed about anything. It would be incredibly disrespectful and very selfish for her to mak any sort of issue out of this.

This same thing happened when my DD was about 10. Her aunt was getting married and hadn't asked DD to be bridesmaid , despite asked two other nieces. I simply phoned her and asked " is there any chance that DD could be a bridesmaid ?" She said yes of course ! She'd not thought to ask DD because we lived far away and she thought it would be hard with dress fittings etc. I said I'd make DD's dress if I knew the colour. Easy ! The wedding was lovely and DD still says it was a highlight of her childhood to be the bridesmaid.

The direct approach is always the best !

Just ask your soon-to-be-married daughter why she hasn't asked her niece to be a bridesmaid. Sorted!

I wouldn't be comparing the fact that she asked her BIL to be usher ( I assume this man is the child's father ). Asking a man to be an usher, ie handing out prayer books at the church , is nowhere near asking a child to be bridesmaid, part of the wedding party, featuring in the photos etc. It's like comparing apples with oranges. Just tell your daughter to talk to her sister - it's not hard !

Anja its this generation!

Kerp out of it. It's none of your business as they are adults, able to talk to each other and resolve issues if they wish.

kerp keep

Your daughter is entitled to have the wedding that she wants - it is her day, along with her future husband's, everyone else are extras.
Why your other daughter would assume that her daughter should be bridesmaid is beyond me!
Suggest you mention the situation to the bride - it will be up to her to talk to her sister, and for you just to concentrate on your outfit lovely hat , shoes and handbag!

Does your DD just want adults in the main party and on the top table,maybe she thinks it will be difficult to supervise her niece during the wedding breakfast.
Its the brides day and she has the final word ,

My daughter's procession (and in a hotel, not a church aisle) got longer and longer as time went on; 2 long term friends and stepdaughter got priority, but with expectations from future in laws, it grew to nephews as well as niece, so she thought she might as well make matched pairs with our side, making 9 in all, except her step nephew got the morning suit (at 5 years old!), but refused to process down the aisle. In the end she had kept herself and everyone happy, and not ruined any future relations, just my bank balance, lol!

Not sure how old the small girl is? Surely your daughter could ask her sister if she is wanting her niece as a bridesmaid and say she would like to know as if not she wants to find her a pretty dress. Please don't let them build it up anymore than that I know a family where 45 years later there is still bad feeling that a child wasn't asked to be bridesmaid its very sad.

Don't interfere, just be a listening ear and supportive to both. Say nothing unless asked.

are there a lot of nephews and nieces on you SiL to be's side? My DD had 2 friends as grown up bridesmaids as she didn't want a row over wh'd been asked and who not. My SiL had a friend as best man and ushers - there are some who would say he should have asked one of my boys to do those jobs.

At the end of the day it's HER wedding, not her sister's or yours so it's up to her how she arranges it

I agree with Showergelfresh and Grandmainoz,about asking the simple question,.. "Are you having any bridesmaids" which is a general question which could be asked by any member of the family or friends, The bride's husband to be may also have a few nieces/nephews,who would also love to be bridesmaids//pageboys,and would prove too much to have them all so the bride has decided to not have any I am only guessing here,as not much info,but as others have said,it's best to let your daughters talk to each other ,and not be piggy in the middle

Who does what is the choice of the Bride and Groom NO ONE ELSE

It's the bride's prerogative entirely who she chooses to be her bridesmaids and flower-girls. In the same way the groom chooses his own best man and ushers. It's the expectations of other people who assume or are upset, by either themselves or their children not being part of the main bridal party, that cause friction in a lot of family weddings. You can never please everyone with the best will in the world. We are going to a family wedding this year were the bride has chosen three friends as her bridesmaids, all in their twenties, and not one small bridesmaid ,even though thre are several little children within the family. If your daughter wants her sisters little girl as a bridesmaid then she will no doubt ask her herself.

You could just talk to your daughter about the wedding and how it's going and has she decided to have bridesmaids? Just in general terms - that should tell you what's going on. (She may have decided not to have any children as bridesmaids, and given by the last wedding fiasco i went to - 7 young bridesmaids wandering down the aisle at different paces, one stopping to examine something on the carpet, another deided to cry in the middle of the wedding vows, 2 having a scrap - I can only support her choice!)

If the bride has not chosen her niece as a bridesmaid there are three reasons- she doesn't want children as bridesmaids at all, she feels there are too many similar children in the family or belonging to friends and she doesn't want too many bridesmaids or she doesn't want that particular child as a bridesmaid. All her choice.

If your daughter wanted her niece to be a bridesmaid, she would ask her. Don't get involved!
Family weddings!!!

Well you brought up this generation!!