Moving on

That is wonderful. I hope you will be very happy together.

As others have said, sort out your finances carefully,
My late husband and I both had a daughter each. The wills read that everything went to the other spouse on the death of the first and was split between the two daughters on the second. Unfortunately, there was a trust involved for tax purposes. Both daughters were executors. My step-daughter refused to sign the papers as she could not wait for her inheritance although my new will already had her sharing equally with my daughter. It ended up with me having to take out equity on the house to pay her off.

I would say first, congratulations.
Second, don't get married, just live together. That way everything is kept simple.

My friend has just been thro this. They have both made very specific wills thro a solicitor to ensure their AC are all treated fairly.

We have lived together for 20 years, no thoughts of marrying, we are happy as we are. The house is tenants in common so we both own half a house. In our wills, if one dies, the other has two years to sell and split one half between OH three sons, or my half between two daughters. We both put into a joint bills account and both have our separate private accounts, ISAs etc. I’m afraid I have learnt in the past not to trust so I think that we have covered all the bases so there will not be any family fall outs.

DH and I met 13 years ago when I was 60 and he was 65. We married 10 years ago, sold our individual houses and bought "our" house. I have no family, he has a grown up son and daughter that I get on well with and, since we met, 4 grandchildren (all of whom I have known from birth and all of whom call me Grandma).

We have a joint account for household expenses and holidays, etc. but also keep our own separate accounts.

We have mirror wills, so that everything we have is left to each other, and then when that one dies everything is split four ways between the grandchildren who are neatly divided as son's 2 and daughter's 2, so no side is getting more than the other. It's about the best we can do under the circumstances we think, and certainly the grown-up children have said they don't want anything as their spouses will inherit from parents; they are just happy that their children will have a bit of a leg-up.

Then sit back and enjoy this lovely new relationship!

Do not pool assets, or leave substantial assets to your partner in your will. You may have made wills dividing assets fairly between both families. The survivor may have every intention of honouring that will, but then a year after the first death an allurring siren/toyboy turns up, the survivor, quite uncharacteristically falls for them hook line and sinker, gives them money, gives them gifts and revises their will. The siren/toyboy gets all the money intended for the children.

If you keep control of your own assets, make a will, that may give a partner a life interest in them, but that they will then go to your children. You can then be sure that if your partner has a brainstorm after your death and goes off with the toyboy and gives him everything, the everything doesn't include your everything and your children are protected.

I would love to be in a stable relationship with someone. I own my own house but many others do not. So I couldn't move anyone in to live with me. I have thought of many ways round the issue without success. I would hate it knowing my two sons had not inherited all I had worked hard for ,so would never risk moving anyone into my house. Wills are changeable and open to dispute. People are also changeable and so are feelings. Some people are dishonest and see others as money cows. I wish anyone the best of luck being so daring and risking all their hard earned cash, but there are very clever devious people out there, male and female, so be very wary before committing.

Lots of good information in this thread which is helpful.
There does not seem to be anyone in the same position as me. If there is anyone who has my situation or even if not in my position but have any ideas on how to proceed I would be glad to hear them.

I have a "new" partner, we have been together for 2 years. At present we see a lot of each other and spend one or two nights a week in one or other house. I am retired but he is still running his own business. He is not retirement age.

He has 3 adult children, one of whom is abroad with the ex wife and does not see DP or any of their siblings. I have 2 adult children who are both in a great huff with me over this.. They are in constant contact with my ex husband who did not bother with them as children. When they found that I am not as available for babysitting or doing their housework they refused to help me to attend hospital appointments.

I am thinking of selling the family home which has been in the family for 3 generations and over half a century and buying a property elsewhere. DP would keep on his property because of work and having a place in town.

My children are totally unpleasant, but DP's 2 adult children who live in this country have been very pleasant and include me in family things

I feel rotten enough about selling the historical home but as my DCs do not help with anything at all I think I need to look after my own wishes without asking their permission as it were. My AC chose to live at a distance but not a great distance - 1 hour drive, which was fine for me to go to help them but too far for them to come to me.

It would seem obvious that DP should leave everything of his to his 2 AC who are in contact with him and I would be expected to leave my house etc to my children but in all honesty I don't feel that they deserve anything.

What would Gransnet advise/think? TIA

I know of someone whose Dad re-married, years ago. The Will stated whoever died first the estate would go to the other partner. Then that partner would leave everything shared between their respective children.

He died first. She changed the Will leaving everything to her children!

My partner and I live in his house, and I kept mine but rent it out.

Similar situation for us. Met in our mid 50s, together for 13 years, living together for 11. Lots of children and grandchildren spread all over the place. Children and grandchildren call our partner by their first name and we have good relationships all round.

As our children were all adults when we met with their own lives and expanding families we don't expect them to pretend we are one big family. The logistics of everyone being in the same place at the same time make this virtually impossible even if we wanted to do this. We are each responsible for Xmas and birthday gifts to our own families. We do alternate Xmases so we have Xmas Day with our own family every second year and spend time with our partner's family at another time during the festive season. This can mean going on holiday together as well.

We have a legal financial agreement that basically says that our own assets remain our own assets and also covers future inheritances. This has been discussed with all our children so there will be no surprises when the time comes. Having had to deal with the fallout and financial losses of having had both a step parent and step grandparent in late life remarriages I have made sure that my children will not have to deal with those issues.

For obvious reasons I do think sorting out the legalities of property and finances as soon as you start living together is very important and ensuring that everybody knows what the arrangements are. They may or may not agree with whatever you have decided but at least they know and also know it was your informed and considered decision.

Hope it all goes well for you both. ?

I have been with other half for seventeen years but we took ages to move in together. We rattled around in our respective four bedroomed family homes, alone, until a few years ago. (I never rush things!) It was silly keeping two houses and our relationship had certainly stood the test of time.

I'd say be sure you want this togetherness - the twenty four hour commitment to each other - if you have lived alone for some time. I'd also suggest, as we did, that you have enough room wherever you decide to live, so you can each have a bit of space.

Our adult children got along well together. (They grew up knowing each other. They were all at school when we met) However if yours are independent adults, they do not need to be consulted or have to agree to your cohabiting.

Do it if you have thought it through thoroughly. Life is short.

Be very careful regarding both your children's inheritances.
I had a friend who was the second wife of someone with two daughters, they then had a boy.
Fast forward, the boy now adult and married, the husband died and my friend made a Will leaving absolutely everything to her son.
When she told me what she had done, I had to tell her that I thought it was wrong and her Will should divide between all three "children" but she was having none of it. It was probably the only disagreement I ever had with her but I had to agree to disagree, while asking her to reconsider.
She never did, I felt so sorry for her Step daughters at her funeral with no idea of what she had done, so unfair.

My partner and I live together, we have adult children (I have 1, he has 2), they live in their own properties.

We bought the property jointly although he put in more money as he had sold his business.

We took solicitors advice and whichever one of us is left after the other one dies will be able to remain in the property until death and then the proceeds of the sale will be divided between the children with my daughter getting the same percentage of the sale as I put in. His 2 children will share the percentage he put in.
If the one left finds the property too much to look after, its ok to downsize, bank the remaining money and spend the interest but not the capital.
Our own personal possessions will go to our own children. It is not possible to move a new partner in though, this would mean selling the property.

My dad remarried in his 60s we all got along with his new wife, and had a close relationship until she suffered with dementia. They had made a will which we knew about, leaving the estate to each other and then to be split 50/50 1 part to my brother and I 1part in trust for her disabled son. Dad died very suddenly and unbeknown to us her nephew (the trustee) got her to change the will. It eventually became apparent that the original will had been badly written so that our share was not protected, as dad had wanted. As the disabled son died before his mother tge nephew got everything. PLEASE ensure you speak to a good solicitor when arranging your affairs.
For the 24 years dad was married they were very happy and lived a good life. Hope you will be too.

My OH moved in with me about 6 years ago. His house was rented out but when a tenant asked to buy it he agreed as renting was a hastle.
We do not intend to marry and have kept our finances separate. When I die my children will inherit my assets, when OH dies his daughter will inherit his.
We hope this will work and would appreciate any advice from gransnetters. We live in Scotland.

A word of warning.....when joining two families. You can agree as much as you like with your new partner that on the death of one everything goes to the other and then on the death of the second the remaining money is divided equally between the two families. Just remember that the surviving partner can change their Will and leave everything to their family. Or they can remarry and then on their death everything goes to their new partner. You have no say when you are dead!!! See a Solicitor!

I could spend the rest of the day recounting horror stories about wills and inheritance. My advice would be not to remarry and make sure your own finances are in order by making and lodging a will with a solicitor.

My father remarried at 70 and it was a disaster because of family upheaval and later divorce, so my advice is each should keep their own property if they can and don’t get married.
Just enjoy the companionship whatever that entails but don’t complicate it. Those that say to hell with the children do what you want have never been connected with a bad second marriage.