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The mouse that roared

(58 Posts)
Apricity Mon 15-Apr-19 22:33:47

This thread has arisen out of a discussion on another thread about difficulties some of us have saying 'no' to requests. The focus is on empowering ourselves and learning to say 'no' when we want to say 'no' in response to requests from family, friends or people from our local community or workplace without feeling obligated, pressured or guilty.

Another poster called herself a 'mouse' and a people pleaser and expressed the wish to be able to say 'no' more often and more comfortably. This thread is about empowering the mouse and cultivating the inner lion.

My own response is a simple "No, it's not convenient.", repeated if necessary without explanations, excuses or apologies. I do try to always be pleasant and polite but quite firm. We will all have different ways of doing this and the thread is a chance for sharing these and discussing options, strategies and personal experiences.

Over to you Grans.

Sara65 Wed 17-Apr-19 21:46:37

As to saying sorry, my husband has pointed out that I shouldn’t have apologised to someone after a slight accident in my car, really not my fault! But it just tripped of my tongue, along with enquires as to if they were alright, and not to worry, it’s only a car!

Afeica33 Sat 20-Apr-19 10:34:08

I always remind myself that No is a complete sentence!!

I have no hesitation these days saying it, think it may just come with age grin

sodapop Sat 20-Apr-19 13:30:43

Someone was talking to me today and said " stop me if I'm boring you " I wanted to say "stop" so much but bit my tongue .

Starlady Sat 20-Apr-19 16:02:17

I'm a very giving person and usually happy to help, especially if it involves my dd and gc. However, I think if we choose to s. ay no, we don't owe the other person an explanation. It's nice to give a brief reason, but "That won't work for me," etc, should be enough. Imo, if the other person argues with my answer, they are just trying to coerce me into doing their will, so Iv learned not to get dragged into any further discussion. They're not trying to understand or figure out a compromise, they are trying to get their way. So if it's no, it's no, with maybe a brief explanation, and then I change the subject or end the conversation. I wasn't always able to do this - not boasting. It wasn't easy to do at first, I admit. But I've learned.

hdh74 Sat 20-Apr-19 18:06:37

I find my mouth saying yes even when my brain is saying no sometimes!

Florence64 Sun 21-Apr-19 17:12:36

I have a friend who's life seems to jump from one drama to the other. I have done a lot of work on a family matter for her and not expected any payment. She did take me out to lunch and that was fine. Trouble is she only seems to contact me if she wants something. She's one of those people who will say she couldn't possibly afford to go out on a girl's night with a few of us and feed her children that week, but the next week she is buying new bedding - curtains, bedding, cushions, the lot! She's always posting on social media about who her 'real' friends are, i.e. those who respond to her dramatic posts about her being 'very ill' or one of her pets being ill. She's got several cats, two of whom got pregnant recently, which I think is irresponsible, but she thinks it's funny. I don't know how she affords it. None of this would I mind (except I am concerned about the cats) but her constant pleading poverty is somewhat grating. I reckon she's completely re-decorated her living room - wallpaper, curtains, sofas etc; 3 or 4 times in the past 5 years and we are only just getting round to replacing our 20 year old sofa and curtains! The trouble is I do really like her and she can be good fun. I just find all the drama rather attention seeking and I know if I am not constantly responding to these posts I am being judged as not as good a friend as those who do. Perhaps this is true?

MaudLillian Sat 04-May-19 23:01:49

I have no problem refusing requests. The only request I never turn down, if it's at all possible to grant it, is the request to look after my granddaughter for a couple of hours. That request could come a lot more often and I'd still say yes!