I feel like I don't want to be friends with my lifelong friend anymore

I have a very nice old work friend, not known her for many years but at work she was a nice person but she has a Husband who is not a nice person, he is always putting me down whenever we visit, which thankfully is not often, he makes remarks about the English and the UK in general, tries to joke about it but it really hurts, sometimes I feel like being really rude back but I cant,I would like to end the friendship because of this awful man, but feel sorry for my friend in that case,I think one day I will explode, one can only take so much.This man is always talking about money what this cost, what that cost etc. he is a total bore. We dont live in the UK, I must add.

I remember reading this: "Don't make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option".
I think sometimes friendships just run their course. This has happened to me more than once and, eventually, I am glad that a particular person is no longer in my life. There is always someone new and interesting to meet.

Go where your energy is reciprocated, celebrated and appreciated.

5 Things to Quit:
Trying to please everyone
Fearing change
living in the past
Putting yourself down
Overthinking

Just a couple of good thoughts for the day I have come across recently.

They may be helpful. xx

She sounds quite unhappy and a bit of a control freak. If I were you I'd stop any face to face contact. It shouldn't be difficult if you only see her once or twice a year.

This thread is very apt as I am just in the process of tailing off an old friendship. I have considered posting on GN about it but I was too upset about it all.

We were next door neighbours and kept the friendship up since we moved away almost 30 years ago. We still did a lot together, went shopping, days out, meals out as couples, etc. We have had a couple of short breaks away together but they are very different to us, don't drink at all, love walking and climbing whereas we like sunbathing and relaxing. Our children and grandchildren feel she is part of our family, very close.

However, I think she has changed recently, is perhaps developing a dementia type illness, she has become very aggressive with me, doesn’t understand simple ideas and gets confused with things. I feel as if I want to avoid her really because she tackles me about different things, even on the phone, says I oughtn't to be interested in various subjects which she considers should be left to my husband because she feels it’s a man thing. She senses that I’m withdrawing and keeps demanding I ring her but I don’t want to!

I feel as she has been such a good kind friend in the past, I owe it to her to support her in this illness, if it is that. But I instinctively want to protect myself from the aggression and nastiness she shows towards me.

I feel sorry for the OP and can’t offer any more advice than has already been given.

Littleowl,

That is all good advice!
I have had my “oldest friend “ for 55 years. She was my bridesmaid. We have nothing in common now except our past.. most of which I’ve forgotten until she reminds me of something I said or did which she didn’t like .
My “friend “ lives in Canada and we keep in touch by letter and occasional visits . She never married , moved around a lot and has a demanding career .
I married young and had a family and loved my “ job “ as apparently nursing is not a career ?
If I met her now for the first time we would not be friends, I would find her boring and I’m sure she would feel the same ..,
I’m just not brave enough to call time ?

Lucky legs it sounds as if your friend may have dementia, certainly what you describe could describe the symptoms. Is she on her own, does she have family support or someone close you can speak to ?
If that is the case it is not her fault, so difficult though it is, and I know how hard it can be, try to be as good a friend to her as you can.

She’s married but apart from one instance where I dared to raise the subject to her husband but he didn’t really take me up on it. It’s difficult because I don’t want to cause rows between them and I don’t really see him much. She has two daughters, one is a nurse and I can’t believe that neither of them have noticed anything. She told everyone of our mutual friends about our big row and I feel unfairly blamed for it. I’m assuming one day that someone will acknowledge that the difficulty has been with my friend and not me. I realise it’s not her fault and I should be a good friend to her still but it’s difficult with such unfair criticism and aggression constantly coming my way.

That’s hard and undeserved lucky. If there are family and other friends in the scene maybe cut back a bit on your contact with her, I just know how people even good friends, drop away in these circumstances.
The family will know /fear but might choose to ignore what is happening. It’s a scary thing.

could you not say .well i do things my way/its not my home you come to see its me.. and if she cannot accept you as you are ,its time to speak out or just let her fade away.. me i would say something .

anyway just a thought ,she might be miss perfect but image her naked . might make you smile ..

imagine

Everything, even old friendships have their 'sell-by dates'. We change - they change ...

You are truly blessed if you have a friendship that weathers all the storms that life brings. Move on, if it doesn't.

So true - I am trying to move on now, it's now five weeks since my friend made contact, I keep looking for an email but don't think I will ever hear from her again. I call her a friend, but it was just a nice acquaintance really - she didn't know it was my birthday in April after five years of 'friendship'.

Her life has been turned upside down by her new grandchild, and I do understand but am sad to have lost her. My late husband was my true friend, I do miss him so.

You say you only see her once or twice a year. If I were you, I'd simply not contact her to arrange any future get-togethers, and if she contacts you, I'd simply say you're too busy right now. Maybe she'll get the message without you having to actually 'break-up' the friendship...