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Bad mother 😢

(58 Posts)
Babs54 Sat 15-Jun-19 12:50:14

Babs54

Hi I would like to hear opinions, I am trying so hard with my children ( all girls, adults with children ) I’m sick of being the go between ! One has a miff about what the others (or other one )are doing and I get the earache for it, this morning I asked them all to converse with each other and not through me as I was being asked ones plans for something another was doing . It blew into a full scale row culminating in me being called a bad mother ! I haven’t seen my two oldest grandchildren for 6-8 weeks although they only live less than a mile away, because I am now no longer needed for minding them. I’ve recently had a special birthday but because I was away I had a text off each of them and that was it ! I suffer from stress and depression but I don’t think I’m being unreasonable or selfish to have expected a bit more ! What would you think

Luckygirl Sat 15-Jun-19 12:53:16

I make it a rule never to rise to the bait when one DD "invites" me to comment on another. Vague waffle emits from my mouth at these moments.

It is wrong of your AC to be doing this to you and the only way forward is to resist getting sucked in.

I do hope you will be able to resolve this. Maybe a clear statement that you love them all equally and that you do not want to be put in a position where you are required to comment on one of their siblings.

Gonegirl Sat 15-Jun-19 12:54:21

One of them called you a bad mother?!!!! Bloomin' cheek!! Tell that one to grow up to start with. hmm

In fact, tell all of them, you resign.

Gonegirl Sat 15-Jun-19 12:56:03

Can't believe you only had a text for your special birthday! Diabolical!

Gonegirl Sat 15-Jun-19 12:56:32

Just for today, go no contact.

Just for today!

Jenty61 Sat 15-Jun-19 12:58:26

join the club! I stopped being the gobetween years ago, even now my three AC kids dont acknowledge each other. Stop expecting then you wont be dissapointed by their behaviour.

Gonegirl Sat 15-Jun-19 13:00:11

Why haven't you got a family messaging thread? They can make arrangements without you having to talk to them.

Babs54 Sat 15-Jun-19 13:06:36

We have a family watsapp but they bypass this !

Babs54 Sat 15-Jun-19 13:07:35

I feel like that or running away or both !

jaylucy Sat 15-Jun-19 13:10:28

How rude!
Glad you told them that you won't be a go between - thought they were supposed to be adults for heavens sake!
As far as the GC are concerned, they have so much to do these days with school and after that time is short - mind you, can appreciate how you feel - I had the same with nieces and nephews - I often used to take them out shopping, paid for concert tickets etc well into their teens and now am lucky if I get "are you ok aunty" whenever we happen to meet .
As far as your birthday - that was thoughtless. Suggest you take yourself away for a few days or if money is a bit tight perhaps book an afternoon tea ( take a friend ), take a photo and make sure they all see it with the caption "a late celebration for my nth birthday" Oh, or make your own afternoon tea and invite friends round (maybe they will contribute) and do the same. Any comments made , just say that you were hurt that they hadn't bothered

kittylester Sat 15-Jun-19 15:14:39

Is it too late to get them adopted?

lemongrove Sat 15-Jun-19 15:19:42

Just a text for a special birthday, and no presents when you returned?
I make sympathetic noises if our AC have a moan about each other, but don’t actually say anything, as it could rebound on us.

Sara65 Sat 15-Jun-19 15:29:24

My daughters are very different, one is what you see is what you get, dislikes any confrontation, the other one seems to thrive on it, so we try and be careful not to give her any ammunition!

crazyH Sat 15-Jun-19 15:33:21

I have to act as Devil's advocate. First of all, belated birthday wishes.
Now, why were you away for your big birthday? I'm a little bit sly......I never book anything during the fortnight of my BIG birthday. I expect them to plan something, and to be fair, they do.
Perhaps your children think that you do not want a big a big fuss. Having said that, they could have planned something after you returned. A text is just not acceptable. No wonder you're upset flowers

Greyduster Sat 15-Jun-19 15:37:51

I told my son recently, when he queried some sin of omission on his siblings part, to go get an answer from the horse’s mouth, not from me. I won’t get involved in any of that.

sodapop Sat 15-Jun-19 15:48:38

Sorry you are feeling so let down Babs54 it's difficult not to get caught up in things isn't it. As far as your grandchildren go I think its quite normal as they get older you see less of them. They need to be independent and have their own friends, activities etc. Perhaps you could arrange a special day with them to go out somewhere you all enjoy. As for your daughters I would back off a little, tell them you are not getting involved with their arrangements etc. Make some plans of your own and enjoy yourself.

mumofmadboys Sat 15-Jun-19 17:57:33

If one of them called you a bad mother in the heat of the moment, ignore it! If you know you did a reasonable job as a parent ( we all make some mistakes- part of being human) just let the comment go and do not dwell on it. It is hurtful when our kids don't put themselves out for our birthdays or buy us something. Been there- got the tee shirt!!

agnurse Sat 15-Jun-19 17:59:10

This is one case where I definitely agree this isn't right. You did the right thing saying you wouldn't get involved.

I do think the best course of action for right now is to just wait. I hope they will be able to get out of their strop.

Callistemon Sat 15-Jun-19 18:58:03

Never be 'piggy in the middle'!

Babs54 Sun 16-Jun-19 08:39:30

Thank you everyone I feel a bit better reading your advice xx

BradfordLass72 Sun 16-Jun-19 08:53:10

Oh dear Babs54 - have they been bickering like this since they were little?
It sounds like an old pattern none of them wants to break and you refusing to liaise has put a spanner in their works.

If you are still speaking to the one with the grand-children, can you ask if they can come to you for a special meal maybe? Or take them somewhere as a treat?

You shouldn't be deprived of their company (or they of yours) just because you're not needed as a baby-sitter. Their Mum is being petty. Does she not see she's a bad mother to do this?

I hope you feel better soon. flowers flowers flowers flowers

annep1 Sun 16-Jun-19 09:06:14

Sadly our children disappoint us sometimes. Some (not all I hasten to add) think it's all about them nowadays. They talk to and treat their parents in ways we would never have.

love0c Sun 16-Jun-19 09:12:51

Totally agree!!!

harrigran Sun 16-Jun-19 09:43:22

I empathise not because I am a bad mother but I have been told I am a bad sister. What did I do wrong ? I did not go on FB and like all her photographs. She even contacted my AC and moaned to them about me which of course did not have the desired effect, they told her to wind her neck in.
They could have made a little more effort for your special birthday.

Houseseller Sun 16-Jun-19 11:16:03

Hi Babs54, sorry they put you a difficult situation. I have 3 children, 1 son and 2daughters. My youngest daughter informed me recently that hadn’t been a good mother. I have supported her lots over the years, bought 3 piece suites, laid on gas to her property, gave money to cover bills 10k to pay for an extension, drove to the hospital 11.00pm which was 60 miles from me when she had kidney stones and much more. The only thing I didn’t do was much child minding as run a b&b so wasn’t available. They have short memories unfortunately. Let them get on with it