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Worry

(86 Posts)
dolly56 Mon 24-Jun-19 10:48:10

Just wondering if anyone else is s constant worrier. It's exhausting, at the moment I on holiday with DH . we'll be in our caravan. He's been ill before and I had to call ambulance. Worry is how would we cope. Hopeless in caravan, wouldn't be able to get us back etc
I am learning the basic features but DH thinks I'm panicking. Maybe I am . Trying not to think it worst case scenario all time, but it's so hard. Think I may go for counseling. Thanks for reading

Dillyduck Tue 25-Jun-19 17:43:24

It's really important that you both share things as much as possible, because one day one of you will have to manage everything on your own, sadly. I was widowed at 54.

Do you drive? Have you ever towed a caravan? Do you know how to hitch up? I've towed a caravan up and down the country many times, there's nothing to it once you get your confidence up. Why not go on a weekend towing course. Alternatively, if you have Green Flag, AA, or similar they should be able to help. Ring up and find out. Can your husband cook? Why not swop roles now and then?

hollie57 Tue 25-Jun-19 17:21:45

Hi Judy I can so relate to you we have just moved after 40 years but at least I had my hubbie we had lived in our family home so long we had another house in the loft it took us 6 months to clear it all such a hoarder it was so stressful and emotional my husband couldn’t eat for the first week and I kept crying and wanting to go home we are now on week 3 it is getting better but still stressful such a lot to do hope things get easier it is not easy on your own could you not get packers or have you a good friend who could help you ,good luck and I hope you are settled soon xx

grandtanteJE65 Tue 25-Jun-19 16:55:45

I too prevent myself from worrying to much by being prepared.

I always make sure I have the local ambulance service, fire brigade and police numbers with me, both on my phone and written down, in case my phone dies or there is no mobile service.

If you don't drive or are nervous about towing a caravan, could you have an agreement with a family member or good friend that if, heaven forbid, you need to have the van towed home he/she will see to that, while you stay with your husband if he needs medical attention while you are away.

Alternately, perhaps a caravan isn't the best kind of holiday any longer. In a hotel you would be able to get help more easily.

Ramblingrose22 Tue 25-Jun-19 16:06:58

I too am a worrier, including about things I cannot control.

The OP has prompted me to think of some suggestions.

1. Dolly56 - make a list of the things that you worry about. They have to be things that could really happen to you directly.

2. Identify the things you would be unable to do or find difficult to deal with in that situation (eg holiday in caravan: don't know how to drive, don't know if insurance covers towed vehicles) etc.

3. Find out if you could get help with these things - eg call insurers to see if the policy would cover for the vehicle being driven back to the home address and get confirmation in writing).

It is better to spend the time spent on worrying by taking action. Create a contingency plan or get others to help you with the plan as you may find there are things/people who can help.

If the consequences for you directly of the matter you worry about cannot be dealt with by a contingency plan it may be beyond your control and worrying about it will only make you feel more helpless.

A book I am reading on a related subject advises to never catastrophise. For example, a situation you worry about may make you concerned and upset but it is not necessarily a catastrophe.

I hope this helps.

Judi45 Tue 25-Jun-19 15:25:01

I'm about to move from a big house to a small flat and I'm finding it so stressful it's almost making me ill. There was a problem with the flat I'm buying, still is, my buyers are urging me to move fast, I have so much stuff to get rid of, time is running out and I'm waking in the night having a panic attack and then waking up in the morning with a dreadful feeling of fear, unhappiness and being overwhelmed. I've always been a worrier but this is like nothing I've experienced before. I think if I was younger and not on my own it would be easier, so I do sympathise with anyone who seems to be a 'born worrier'. It gets worse with age, I find!

Nanny41 Tue 25-Jun-19 14:40:22

Hi fellow worriers,I worry and think "what if" people say why worry until it happens, and can you do anything about it until it happens, all very true but it doesnt help me.We have just come back from a two week holiday in our motor home in Poland, before going I was worried in case something happened, as my Husband had a heart attack in January this year, he is fine and probably didnt think about anything happening.We are now home again after an uneventful time, thankfully. I have a little note on my desk which says " I will not stress over things I cannot control"I think I should read this more often!

omega1 Tue 25-Jun-19 13:42:13

Is everything alright right now is a good way to keep grounded. You can't worry about the future because you don't know what is going to happen. Have faith that everything is going to be alright and it usually is.

Haydnpat Tue 25-Jun-19 13:37:15

Me too, we have a holiday home in France, I worry the whole time ! No phone coverage, don't speak French.mwhat on earth do I do if there's an emergency. Oh Zibkniw how you feel !

Nanniejc1 Tue 25-Jun-19 13:31:53

When I as young I didn’t worry about anything but after I had children then grandchildren I just worry about everything can’t switch off.Had anxiety attacks which started after the menopause & still on anti anxiety medication over 20 years later,tried to come off the tablets 2/3 times but I just start getting panic/anxiety attacks again so I guess I’m on them for life.If I get anything on my mind I can’t sleep at night.I wish that I wasn’t a worrier but think it’s just how I am.I guess we are all different & we all have different problems,I must add that I’m very lucky as I have a very supportive husband & family.

pinkjj27 Tue 25-Jun-19 13:08:07

Yes I suffer from anxiety and could gain a PHD in worrying.
I take supplements to try and deal with the stress and I have had counselling.
You are on holiday so try to give your worries a holiday too . My councillor told me to imagine myself leaving my worries in a big box outside the door to give them a rest. It sometimes works. He also told me worries tend to be caring people that want to make everyone else happy in my case so true but I found this comforting.

Before my husband died we went on holiday and I was so anxious but I did a lot of research into local hospitals doctors numbers and so on . I also asked on site what support I could expect and I was prepared. He had cancer and did actually come down with a chest infection and we did need to go to hospital but it was all a lot easier then I had worried. We had a lovely time and I now cherish the memories of our last holiday.
I am not much help but just wanted you to know your not alone in this. Try to have fun.

Craftycat Tue 25-Jun-19 12:47:28

I do wonder if this is a symptom of getting older- I never used to be a worrier but now I can lie awake at night worrying for England!
Family, DH's job, health ( which is perfect!) DGC, sons,money, even the cats!!!
It is so frustrating to feel really tired but not able to turn off the thoughts. I do meditate which helps as does reading my Kindle to make me 'turn off the thoughts' but it takes a while.
DH never worries about anything & sleeps like a log. Which is also very annoying!

Apricity Tue 25-Jun-19 12:19:04

I have always worried about being a worrier and all round catastrophizer but was recently quite thrilled to read that the best person to be with in a challenging situation is just such a person. Because we, the worriers of the world, have already anticipated the worst possible scenario and have the solutions and way forward already worked out. Such consolation. Fellow worry warts take heart, we too will have our moment.

Chino Tue 25-Jun-19 12:11:34

MY husband is 87 and has decided he does not want to travel abroad again - I know he is worried he might be taken ill when out of the country

Tillybelle Tue 25-Jun-19 12:04:13

dolly56 Oh bless you! As so many have said here, I too understand exactly how you feel. Once a very frightening event has happened it stays with you and you cannot help but worry about how you would cope if it happened again, especially on holiday.

I think if your DH were to be ill while you are away in your caravan, people would all help you and the help he would receive would be the same as if he were at home. Nobody would expect you to tow your caravan home or do anything difficult. People always rally round and help in a time of emergency such as this. Try to "let go and trust" as a friend of mine who had chronic anxiety told me.

There are many of us who understand this feeling of impending doom and terror that you have. It really would be worth discussing it with your Doctor. The events around your DH's illness may have left you a little traumatised and you deserve some help to get through this.

Please try to trust that that if the worst happens then people will help you and you will cope, we always do. But most of all, keep things in perspective, the worst does not usually happen! No doubt your husband is now taking better care of himself, or is on some medication to prevent another attack. Try to live in the moment, enjoy the lovely things happing right now, the smell of roses, taste of coffee, beautiful view, comfortable bed, good company... Give yourself permission to indulge in what is happening that you enjoy and immerse yourself in lovely things.

Wishing you a very happy future and that you feel stronger and more confident each minute. With love, Elle x 🌈🌼💐

Newatthis Tue 25-Jun-19 11:52:37

I was like you for many years and it all made me ill. I was worrying about EVERYTHING! Then, one morning, I woke up and said to myself "I am never going to worry again about things I have no control over". I chant this (to myself) everyday and I have since become much healthier and happier. It's difficult at first but if you can't control it then don't worry. Yes, bad things happen but most of the time they don't.

Pat1949 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:45:09

You can get insurance to get the caravan back home. To be honest, for peace of mind, I would do it. Google it. It took me to Go Compare but I didn't any further.

justanovice Tue 25-Jun-19 11:44:38

Hello Oldgimmer1. I didn't realise that it had a name. I've felt like that for most of my life. It's only now that I'm in my sixties that I'm finally becoming more relaxed about things.

moggie57 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:43:36

make sure you have all his medical notes.and a mobile that works.make sure the caravan is equiped with a first aid box.and that you know the basics for life saving ( cant think of the word i need ). be prepared .have a lovely holiday...

newgran2019 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:39:27

Dolly56 and Oldgimmer1, I think I'm like you both. I have been a worrier/overthinker since childhood (mother has narcissistic personality problems, which can't have helped, but I didn't know that then) and have had bouts of anxiety and depression on and off, plus a phobia of driving, so I couldn't tow the caravan anyway! Having a religious faith can sometimes make it worse, as one feels one ought to trust in God and let go of the worries. I have tried counselling, yoga, antidepressants, etc. as well but can't seem to escape from my own nature. But on the plus side I do find pleasure in even small things and am always grateful for all I have that's good.

Orchidlover Tue 25-Jun-19 11:32:58

I worry all the time too my family say mum nothing can do in the middle of the night ! But I worry so much about granddaughter for instance, 22 and she home from uni and I swear she is using drugs.

CarlyD7 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:27:14

99.9% of what we worry about never happens - what a terrible waste of our one precious life! I was a worrier from being very young but both counselling and meditation really helped. Hope you find something that helps you.

Gingergirl Tue 25-Jun-19 11:23:53

I think you can only prepare/control life up to a point. And the thing with worrying, is that even if you’ve done all of that, you may still find something else to worry about! Worry stems from thinking about the past and the future. If we can keep our thoughts centred around the present moment, a lot of the worry dissipates. So it may help to just focus on the ‘now’..if your mind wanders off, bring it back....how are things right at this moment? If they’re good, try to be accepting and grateful. Its a habit we all need to cultivate, you’re not alone!🙂

Viviness Tue 25-Jun-19 11:20:55

I'm a worrier. I never used to be until I had children. Then the 'what if' comes into play. When they went out and were home late, if they went abroad what would happen if, all those things. Now they are both married and I still worry about them I think it is normal. I worry about myself too, having just had a recent operation I worried about the what ifs with that, but I survived. Whilst in Hospital I watched the other patients and the staff and had some great advice from this forum and I do think most people worry about something.
Now I try to make plans if I am worrying about something, so I am prepared a little. I try to reason with myself and have to be accepting that things do happen, but if you are prepared and have made plans then it will not be so bad.

So get yourself organised, have your plans in place, and go and enjoy yourself and try not to worry too much x

Marilla Tue 25-Jun-19 11:20:49

When I was a young woman, I could cope with anything the world, job and family threw at me. Now as a middle aged woman, I have turned into an anxious, ridden old lady who cannot go out for a coffee without anxiety. No amount of mind games helps and it is exhausting.
You have my sympathy all you worriers out there.

Diane227 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:13:32

My husband wants to go on walks in the country but he has arthritis in both knees. I worry about what would happen if his knees give way and we cant get a phone signal to ask for help. Silly but I cant help it.