Gransnet forums

Ask a gran


(85 Posts)
dolly56 Mon 24-Jun-19 10:48:10

Just wondering if anyone else is s constant worrier. It's exhausting, at the moment I on holiday with DH . we'll be in our caravan. He's been ill before and I had to call ambulance. Worry is how would we cope. Hopeless in caravan, wouldn't be able to get us back etc
I am learning the basic features but DH thinks I'm panicking. Maybe I am . Trying not to think it worst case scenario all time, but it's so hard. Think I may go for counseling. Thanks for reading

EllanVannin Mon 24-Jun-19 10:54:12

I know it's difficult but try and not think about " what if ", it may never happen. Is it something specific that's worrying you ?

SueSocks Mon 24-Jun-19 10:56:03

You sound like me! Husband is Mr Laidback. I am the one who worries about everything, his attitude is why worry, it won't change anything. He is right but I tend to think that some of us are worriers and it's hard to change.
Regarding the caravan, if you are not confident about towing, have you looked at organisations such as the caravan club and what they provide in terms of recovery in the case of illness? I think Green Flag also provide this sort of recovery. Might be worth giving the caravan club a ring to get some advice, you will have to join to take advantage of their services but it could money well spent if it gives you peace of mind.

Bridgeit Mon 24-Jun-19 10:59:33

I have a lot of empathy with you, I was once given this advice , If worry sorts out the issue then go ahead and worry,
Logic tells that worry doesn’t help so instead be practical & prepared, write down telephone numbers that you may need, dial 999 if necessary .
Don’t stay in a caravan if it & you are isolated from telephone connections etc , best wishes

crazyH Mon 24-Jun-19 11:02:58

Oh dolly - you're not the only one. I'm worrying now about my friend who is visiting from abroad. What shall I cook for her? Where shall I take her? I start functioning only by 9.30 a.m. Shall I tell her she should go down and help herself to breakfast? I am writing list after list. Things to do etc. I am even worrying about coughing while she is here. I suffer from a lung condition. So you're not the only one. Don't worry. Your husband will be fine. Keep your phone fully charged all the time. Keep tel numbers of local taxi services. Is it a touring caravan? Don't worry someone will help you. I'm sure you've membership of AA or something similar. Don't panic, that's the main thing.

gt66 Mon 24-Jun-19 11:14:14

I'm a great believer in being prepared for the worst, then it's never likely to happen and at least you have the reassurance and knowledge that if it does, it's better than not having a clue what to do.

oldgimmer1 Mon 24-Jun-19 11:15:19


Except my worry is mainly about work.

I think I've got that condition "imposter syndrome". I've always had it and it's bloody EXHAUSTING.

I'm constantly on pins in case some awful transgression that I've made, whether real or imagined - will find me out for being the inadequate failure that I am.

I can't relax once the working day is over and and try not to take holidays in case I'm "found out" in my absence.

I overthink other stuff as well but nothing close to my Imposter Syndrome worry!

Jane10 Mon 24-Jun-19 11:19:46

gt66 I agree. If worrying leads to you planning for all the what ifs then its worth doing. I'm a great one for plan A, B and C.
Burying your head in the sand or pretending 'its all fine' is a recipe for disaster. Hope for the best BUT plan for the worst.

Grammaretto Mon 24-Jun-19 11:28:06

My dear old GMiL used to say she had to have a worry.
It kept her from thinking any worse thoughts.
People who worry or over- think things have too much imagination. You should channel it into something constructive/creative.

Insurance companies prey on people's fears and worries.
I'm on a forum (for a particular illness) where the talk is all about travel insurance and I told them to spend the money on medical research as any amount of insurance is not going to stop the accident happening.

cornergran Mon 24-Jun-19 11:34:48

I think we all feel better if we can answer ' if the worst happened what would I do'? Thinking of your situation dolly if you are in the UK in your van and have a recovery service which includes towed vehicles (most do, so don't worry about that!) they would get you back home if you tell them the driver is out of action and you can't tow the van. Also site wardens and other caravaners are incredibly helpful if you let them be. I am sure there would be offers of help with packing up and making the van safe. You'll know this if you think about it. In fact when we had our van and illness struck we did far better on a site in our own space than we would have done in a hotel. I'm a worrier, Mr C isn't and struggles to understand why my head goes to the worst case scenario. I do know how worries can take over but also that they can be diminished if a fall back plan is in place. Try to enjoy your break and when you get back home remind yourself that in spite of your worries all was well. Take care.

stella1949 Mon 24-Jun-19 11:44:21

I worry more about what would happen if I had a fall or other accident, or a stroke or heart attack. DH means well, but he is totally hopeless in an emergency. Once I fell in the bathroom and couldn't get up. It took about 10 minutes of my calling before he wandered in like Mister Magoo, wondering where I'd got to. Then he tried to pull me up by one hand ....suffice it to say that this was very unhelpful and painful. I ended up telling him to drag a dining chair in, so I could slowly pull myself up on it. He stood and watched proceedings with interest. If I'd had anything serious I'd have been dead before he figured out what to do.

EllanVannin Mon 24-Jun-19 13:00:28

Stella1949 that reminds me of my poor dad when during icy conditions years ago there was an almighty thud outside our back door. Dad went to see what it was and there was mum on the ground and he'd asked " what are you doing down there lass ?".

He'd have been hopeless had he not gone before mum.

Daisymae Mon 24-Jun-19 14:31:25

I think you are right to worry. We are in a similar position and to be honest have changed what we do. It saves a lot of hassle. We have stopped travelling abroad, go to self catering and make sure that there is phone access so that things can be sorted out in an emergency. The best you can do is to plan ahead. Maybe its time go revise your holiday arrangements?

M0nica Mon 24-Jun-19 15:58:52

Don't worry. Plan. Think about what can go wrong. Sit down and plan how you will deal with it, including ancillary worries.

For example, if you are worried about driving the caravan home. Find out how to hire a driver to do it for you. You may find your breakdown cover covers this eventuality, or the RAC or AA can help you. Find out, make sure you have the money to meet the cost. Plan made, worry dealt with, Forget about it.

Just treat every worry constructively and plan, I am one of lifes optomists, I expect/hope everything will go well, but I have thought through every eventuality that can go wrong and what I would need to do - which is why I am not a worrier

dolly56 Mon 24-Jun-19 16:16:22

Thanks for all the thoughts. DH suffers from adhesions which can obviously flare up at any time, or never again. He doesn't like to be reminded and obviously we can't life our life on what if
I realise anyone can be taken ill at anytime. We are members of caravan club and I hope they would help. I always check to see if spare pitches ' just in case:. We are covered for rescue in breakdown etc. Hope it covers illness.

dolly56 Mon 24-Jun-19 16:18:31

I know it's stupid to worry and should try and maintain sense of reality instead of always imagining the worst. I would love to travel abroad but don't think I could cope with the worry.

KatyK Mon 24-Jun-19 16:27:45

I have worried since I was a child (horrible childhood). DH calls me 'Mrs What If'. He had cancer (in remission). I ask him sometimes if he is scared. He says 'what's the point of being scared? I'll be scared when they tell me I should be'. Me? I'm scared of everything. Doesn't get you anywhere but you can't help your nature dolly although counselling may help.

KatyK Mon 24-Jun-19 16:28:34

has not had cancer

Calendargirl Mon 24-Jun-19 18:26:02

“Never trouble trouble
Till trouble troubles you
It only doubles trouble
And troubles other too”

When I feel worried, I try and think of the above, but it doesn’t always help!

BradfordLass72 Tue 25-Jun-19 00:26:32

If you worry it's because you care. Is there anything wrong with caring?

Plan for everything. If you are in a caravan and fear you couldn't get home if DH is ill, find out the number of the local doctors or emergency healthcare. Once with them, you'd be free to contact family or friends to help you further.

oldgimmer1 I've just been reading about 'Impostor Syndrome' - in numerous studies it was found to be most prevalent in high achievers. Their peers and colleagues regarded them as such too.

I don't suffer from this but often think I could have done better, even though I always do my best - and worry that I let people down. Maybe it was all those "Must try harder" on my school reports. smile

I'm sure you've heard it all before but it might be worth your reading this:

Bigred18 Tue 25-Jun-19 06:12:08

Im a worrier but have managed to stop saying "what if'. At the moment my back and shoulders are so tight that it's hard to breathe.properly
I know all the exercises to do for relief!

dolly56 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:16:15

I think it's because I want to be in control and care too much
(Compensation for bad childhood). DH very patient with me but must drive him crazy. On caravan club site, do help available. However, what if need to start longer and site full. Aghh

Coco51 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:17:56

Is it driving with the caravan attached that concerns you? I was a very nervous driver but after a holiday at my Aunt’s in Cornwall we arranged thatDH would take the train back and I’d stay on for another week and drive DS&DD. I got through it by telling myself I could stop at any time and do the journey in as many stages as I could cope with. In the end I managed to get home on the same day and my confidence soared.
Perhaps you could do a journey with hubby beside you so that you know help is available. Perhaps have cover with breakdown services who will come out if the driver is too ill to undertake the journey, for peace of mind.

TrendyNannie6 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:21:24

I used to be a worrier and it is very hard to change mindset. But the older I got the more accepting of things esp since now not in good health. I decided to put it into perspective and refuse to worry until there is something to worry about I’m waiting to have second thyroid biopsy first one they didn’t get any cells to check for cancer. Waiting now for second one.thats only one of my health probs. I’m very positive person, I’m suffering from breathing probs at mo. I’m the type of person that helps everyone out spread myself here there n everywhere n really don’t think about myself much at all. But it’s my way of coping with my own battles. And worrying leads to stress which is not good on the body

polnan Tue 25-Jun-19 10:24:11

smile me too! me too! I can worry for the world, mind you as I have got older, I find I don`t worry quite so much

when I was working a friend asked me how my face stayed so wrinkle free with the way I worried, and she didn`t had younger than me, but had more wrinkles!

what would I do if the worst thing should happen? what could be the worst thing?

and yes, I agree with previous poster...worriers can have too much imagination.

"calm.... relax" is a mantra I am trying