Gransnet forums

Ask a gran


(86 Posts)
dolly56 Mon 24-Jun-19 10:48:10

Just wondering if anyone else is s constant worrier. It's exhausting, at the moment I on holiday with DH . we'll be in our caravan. He's been ill before and I had to call ambulance. Worry is how would we cope. Hopeless in caravan, wouldn't be able to get us back etc
I am learning the basic features but DH thinks I'm panicking. Maybe I am . Trying not to think it worst case scenario all time, but it's so hard. Think I may go for counseling. Thanks for reading

EmilyHarburn Tue 25-Jun-19 11:05:44

dolly56 you are doing the right think looking in advance at what you would have to do in an emergency. I ran a residential home for 4 years and we had a page of actions to take on each type of emergency i.e resident going missing, resident dying or getting seriously ill, etc. As we grow older it is helpful to haves these things written down on a a sheet where we can locate it and find the number to ring.

The Red Cross have a free Emergency app to advise you on emergencies but I have not tried it or read reviews.

Minerva Tue 25-Jun-19 11:00:44

Enjoy your holiday dolly56. All will be well and if your DH is taken unwell then you will get help from the Club or your insurance and it will become a blip in your life journey. People are usually helpful in such situations.

It’s exhausting to live with a worrier. Of course I worry when a family member is in trouble but otherwise I presume bad things won’t happen and deal with them when/if they do. My daughter sees disaster round every corner and the constant anxiety wears me into the ground.

Calendargirl I am going to print out your rhyme for her though I don’t know if she can be helped. She was such a happy-go-lucky little girl up to school age when fears took over.

whywhywhy Tue 25-Jun-19 10:58:53

I'm just the same. I used to tow our caravan when we went to DH car do. He would streak away in his little hotrod. One day I thought - to hell with this!! I stopped doing it and the caravan got replaced with a small tent. Much easier to manouvre. Think of yourself. If it makes you stressed then don't do it. Remember stress does shorten our lives. I do worry though so have loads of sympathy for you. Take care x

Shalene777 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:50:13

My husband does everything, sorting things out etc...
I was constantly worrying about what would happen if???? So I sat him down and together we wrote out a list of all the things I would need to do to keep everything on track. I'm in charge of all the finances so wrote a list for him and now both lists are in a little safe so that if anything happens to either of us the other can continue without issue.

NanaSuzy Tue 25-Jun-19 10:45:40

Stella1949 that sums up my husband to a T; he is hopeless in times when I'm not well. He is brilliant at DIY, and anything practical but no good at caring! I have worried all our lives, but have finally got a grip - life really is so short, worry is a total waste of time. Re OP, I have given up holidays, I hate them and they just cause a whole load of stress to me. We have recently moved, to the area I have wanted to live all my life - I love the house and have no desire to go anywhere at all, certainly not at present. DH very happy to go places on his own, so we are perfectly happy with the situation.

Ginny42 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:44:10

I can tow a caravan on a straight road, but don't ask me to manoeuvre it into position or turn it round! It's not an easy task so I'm not surprised you find it daunting.

Sorry if someone has already mentioned this, but you know those emergency call wristbands or one on a cord, can you use them wherever you? If you tell them you're going on holiday can you still use them to call for help? Would it give you peace of mind to have one?

winterwhite Tue 25-Jun-19 10:41:54

Good for you, Dolly, to tackle this holiday knowing that it will worry you. Solidarity from another habitual worrier.
When my DC were still children they once gave me a framed poster of a panda placidly chewing bamboo, saying 'Don't tell me not to worry. The things I worry about never happen.'
Usually true. My mother always said 'That was a waste of a good worry' when things when off without a hitch.
Have a good time.

marionk Tue 25-Jun-19 10:34:37

Towing courses are available through the Caravan and Motorhome Club and elsewhere, they are brilliant and teach you all the steps to hitching and unhitching as well as towing. I did one before we got our caravan as I had never towed and now I do it all as DHs health is not brilliant, he is a great believer in me knowing how to do stuff just in case. But if you don’t want to do that you can get people to move your caravan for you, I know someone who has theirs professionally moved so that they only have to drive to the side in their car.

chrissie13 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:30:42

I'm a worrier too, and like to get everything straight in my head for every eventuality. If you're not sure whether your insurance provides cover for illness, I would check and add it if not, for peace of mind in that respect.

chaffinch Tue 25-Jun-19 10:24:13

Maybe not the advice you want, but I would seriously think about getting rid of the caravan if the thought of driving it etc. is such a worry. Cannot make for a restful break if you are always on edge, and your husband surely does not want you to be so anxious.

polnan Tue 25-Jun-19 10:24:11

smile me too! me too! I can worry for the world, mind you as I have got older, I find I don`t worry quite so much

when I was working a friend asked me how my face stayed so wrinkle free with the way I worried, and she didn`t had younger than me, but had more wrinkles!

what would I do if the worst thing should happen? what could be the worst thing?

and yes, I agree with previous poster...worriers can have too much imagination.

"calm.... relax" is a mantra I am trying

TrendyNannie6 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:21:24

I used to be a worrier and it is very hard to change mindset. But the older I got the more accepting of things esp since now not in good health. I decided to put it into perspective and refuse to worry until there is something to worry about I’m waiting to have second thyroid biopsy first one they didn’t get any cells to check for cancer. Waiting now for second one.thats only one of my health probs. I’m very positive person, I’m suffering from breathing probs at mo. I’m the type of person that helps everyone out spread myself here there n everywhere n really don’t think about myself much at all. But it’s my way of coping with my own battles. And worrying leads to stress which is not good on the body

Coco51 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:17:56

Is it driving with the caravan attached that concerns you? I was a very nervous driver but after a holiday at my Aunt’s in Cornwall we arranged thatDH would take the train back and I’d stay on for another week and drive DS&DD. I got through it by telling myself I could stop at any time and do the journey in as many stages as I could cope with. In the end I managed to get home on the same day and my confidence soared.
Perhaps you could do a journey with hubby beside you so that you know help is available. Perhaps have cover with breakdown services who will come out if the driver is too ill to undertake the journey, for peace of mind.

dolly56 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:16:15

I think it's because I want to be in control and care too much
(Compensation for bad childhood). DH very patient with me but must drive him crazy. On caravan club site, do help available. However, what if need to start longer and site full. Aghh

Bigred18 Tue 25-Jun-19 06:12:08

Im a worrier but have managed to stop saying "what if'. At the moment my back and shoulders are so tight that it's hard to breathe.properly
I know all the exercises to do for relief!

BradfordLass72 Tue 25-Jun-19 00:26:32

If you worry it's because you care. Is there anything wrong with caring?

Plan for everything. If you are in a caravan and fear you couldn't get home if DH is ill, find out the number of the local doctors or emergency healthcare. Once with them, you'd be free to contact family or friends to help you further.

oldgimmer1 I've just been reading about 'Impostor Syndrome' - in numerous studies it was found to be most prevalent in high achievers. Their peers and colleagues regarded them as such too.

I don't suffer from this but often think I could have done better, even though I always do my best - and worry that I let people down. Maybe it was all those "Must try harder" on my school reports. smile

I'm sure you've heard it all before but it might be worth your reading this:

Calendargirl Mon 24-Jun-19 18:26:02

“Never trouble trouble
Till trouble troubles you
It only doubles trouble
And troubles other too”

When I feel worried, I try and think of the above, but it doesn’t always help!

KatyK Mon 24-Jun-19 16:28:34

has not had cancer

KatyK Mon 24-Jun-19 16:27:45

I have worried since I was a child (horrible childhood). DH calls me 'Mrs What If'. He had cancer (in remission). I ask him sometimes if he is scared. He says 'what's the point of being scared? I'll be scared when they tell me I should be'. Me? I'm scared of everything. Doesn't get you anywhere but you can't help your nature dolly although counselling may help.

dolly56 Mon 24-Jun-19 16:18:31

I know it's stupid to worry and should try and maintain sense of reality instead of always imagining the worst. I would love to travel abroad but don't think I could cope with the worry.

dolly56 Mon 24-Jun-19 16:16:22

Thanks for all the thoughts. DH suffers from adhesions which can obviously flare up at any time, or never again. He doesn't like to be reminded and obviously we can't life our life on what if
I realise anyone can be taken ill at anytime. We are members of caravan club and I hope they would help. I always check to see if spare pitches ' just in case:. We are covered for rescue in breakdown etc. Hope it covers illness.

M0nica Mon 24-Jun-19 15:58:52

Don't worry. Plan. Think about what can go wrong. Sit down and plan how you will deal with it, including ancillary worries.

For example, if you are worried about driving the caravan home. Find out how to hire a driver to do it for you. You may find your breakdown cover covers this eventuality, or the RAC or AA can help you. Find out, make sure you have the money to meet the cost. Plan made, worry dealt with, Forget about it.

Just treat every worry constructively and plan, I am one of lifes optomists, I expect/hope everything will go well, but I have thought through every eventuality that can go wrong and what I would need to do - which is why I am not a worrier

Daisymae Mon 24-Jun-19 14:31:25

I think you are right to worry. We are in a similar position and to be honest have changed what we do. It saves a lot of hassle. We have stopped travelling abroad, go to self catering and make sure that there is phone access so that things can be sorted out in an emergency. The best you can do is to plan ahead. Maybe its time go revise your holiday arrangements?

EllanVannin Mon 24-Jun-19 13:00:28

Stella1949 that reminds me of my poor dad when during icy conditions years ago there was an almighty thud outside our back door. Dad went to see what it was and there was mum on the ground and he'd asked " what are you doing down there lass ?".

He'd have been hopeless had he not gone before mum.

stella1949 Mon 24-Jun-19 11:44:21

I worry more about what would happen if I had a fall or other accident, or a stroke or heart attack. DH means well, but he is totally hopeless in an emergency. Once I fell in the bathroom and couldn't get up. It took about 10 minutes of my calling before he wandered in like Mister Magoo, wondering where I'd got to. Then he tried to pull me up by one hand ....suffice it to say that this was very unhelpful and painful. I ended up telling him to drag a dining chair in, so I could slowly pull myself up on it. He stood and watched proceedings with interest. If I'd had anything serious I'd have been dead before he figured out what to do.